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If he's engaged surely he should just admit it to me?

Tagged as: Cheating, Long distance, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I've had my suspicions when my partner has been away, I caught him texting someone Xmas day, he then replies in person i don't know anyone with that name, when he went I done some fb searching found friends in common with people he lived with, anyway it said she was in a relationship with my partner, I confronted him, which he denied and 4 mins later his brand new fb page had vanished, seeing he's never had fb before... I left it as it was, carried on as normal I never see him now just speak via phone...I just got on as normal dropping little hints how's your girlfriend today's just says wtf, I'm not with anyone, cut a long story short and tbf have not proof it's him but it now says on fb engaged, but with obviously no name so cant add it up to him, I know deep down it is him but without him not saying anything to me I can't do anything, as well as many people know it's called fb stalking which I've yes I've done a few times to this girl... If he's engaged surley he should just admit it to me??

View related questions: engaged, stalking, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWHY do you need HIM to admit it to you?

will that even change that you give him real estate in your head.

will his admitting he's engaged and lying to you make it easier to end this game with him?

why?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (29 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWHY would you spend EVEN ANOTHER MINUTE believing that his cad gives a damn about you????

Good luck...

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with WiseOwlE

WHY wait for a confession? It's RIGHT there. NO ONE puts they are ENGAGED on the internet for "shits and grins". He won't admit it because as long as he can keep you in the dark, so long he can keep doing whatever he wants.

I'm sorry you are in this position, I'd BLOCK his number and work on moving on.

You won't get a confession or closure from this guy. Because? He doesn't give a fly's fart about the truth OR your feelings.

Let him go. YOU didn't MAKE him be an asshat, but THAT is who he is.

I'd say the sooner YOU dump him, the sooner you can work on getting over him. He isn't exactly a keeper, is he?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 March 2015):

Sometimes you have to go with the evidence, and not wait for a confession from the suspect. I don't know about you, but I don't have to be clobbered over the head with the truth to acknowledge it. It's sometimes hard to swallow, but give it to me straight. The truth will out itself, no matter how hard we try to hide or bury it.

So if the heart-breaker wants to hide the truth; s/he had better be really good at it. Because like most crooks, they always miss something. There is always a piece of incriminating evidence that blows their whole scheme apart, and the truth comes out.

You did your research, found some incriminating evidence; and now you want him to give you a confession. He's a liar, and you don't get confessions out of liars. You don't want to accept the truth; so you're procrastinating and using every excuse you can to hold on to him. He belongs to someone else, and you don't deserve to be played like that. Let him go. He's using you, and now you know it.

It frosts my cookies when people allow themselves to linger in an emotional-purgatory waiting for closure. Suspended in time, waiting for the words to be said that will make them feel they can let go. Well, what do you do if those words are never said. You say them to yourself. "I'M DONE!!!"

Smart people know that liars don't give you closure, because they're selfish. They'd rather save their own hides, avoid drama, and suffer no consequences. They want a stay-out-of-jail-free card, and escape without conviction. So you have to move forward, without their permission. If you're worried about the pain and suffering from a breakup; what's more painful than listening to lies and knowing the truth? A dramatic delivery of a true-confession from him with organ-music in the background, will not make you feel any better. It doesn't happen like it does on soap operas. Players protect themselves, and leave you flapping in the breeze. They run like cowards!

You don't need his confession. He knows what you suspect, but he isn't going out of his way to prove you wrong. That should be enough. Do you have to receive a wedding invitation before you get your closure and move on?

You didn't know. It's not your fault. There isn't a set of eyes that reads your words or mine; who hasn't made a major mistake where their heart is concerned. It's hard to accept the truth when it hurts, but it doesn't always come neatly packaged within a confession. You have to go with what you know, and deal with the reality.

My heart goes out to you, my dear. Just shut him out, and start your process of detachment and healing. The truth has set you free. It's no longer about him, now it is about you!

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