A
female
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anonymous
writes:i've been married for 10 years; my husband has a drinking problem and it's worsening. He has promised to attend AA meetings. I'm thinking of leaving him. Is it right to leave him at this point when he has promised to attend AA meetings? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Alcoholism is a serious illness. IF he is serious about this and has decided to get help with his alcoholism then he will need your support. Tell him you can go along with him if he would like that. There are also meetings at Alanon that loved ones of alcoholics can attend which you will find really helpful. You can talk with others in the same position as yourself and see how they have coped. Some of the stories are very upbuilding.If you have any love for him at all then stay with him through this as he'll need your support.~Eve~
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I don't know how things are in your marriage, as you don't provide much detail. But if you are thinking of leaving your husband, I am guessing his drinking problem is causing real issues in the relationship.
Okay, now I know every situation is different, and every person is different. But I would like to share my thoughts with you on this. I was in a relationship with a man who had a serious drinking problem. It got to the point where he cared more about alcohol than our relationship. I often thought about leaving him, but he would insist that he was getting better, that he would get help, attend AA meetings...so I stayed. And he never did the things he promised. The alcohol had too strong a hold on him. He would say anything, promise anything, but in reality he would continue drinking and nothing would change.
I eventually left him. It was hard at first, as he begged for me to come back, made more promises, said he would get help...but I stayed away. It seemed to be the push he needed to get help. It was like he suddenly realised what he was doing, how drinking was affecting his life, and it was the incentive he needed to see his doctor, go to AA meetings, and start recovering.
Your situation may be completely different, and I apologise if I am getting this wrong. But from my experience, sometimes it does take something like leaving someone for them to wake up and face the reality of their problem. If things aren't that bad, then maybe you can just try and support him as much as possible. But you have asked if it is right to leave at this point, and my personal opinion is that yes, it can be. If things are bad enough that you are thinking of leaving, then I don't see that as a negative thing for either of you. Ten years of marriage is a very long time, but from what I have seen, alcohol addiction is very hard to overcome, and it can consume everything.
Maybe you could just take a break, leave temporarily, if you are not sure what to do. It doesn't have to be permanent. It still might shock him into the severity of the problem. But please don't worry if you are doing the right or wrong thing if you decide to leave. I get a sense that you are perhaps feeling some guilt over what you are considering? If so, then try not to. Being with someone who has a drinking problem can be unbearable, and sometimes the only solution, hard as it may seem, is to leave. You may be helping the both of you.
I hope this has helped in some way. Like I said, those are my thoughts on the topic, based on what I have experienced. I am sure you will make the right decision, and I hope everything goes well for you. xxx
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female
reader, girl from bristol +, writes (4 February 2010):
no if he has agreed to attend meetings then he is trying to get better and you should support him in doing this and be proud that he is taking the first step
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