A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my man for almost a year now, we get along pretty well and love each other very much. the one problem that has occured repeatedly is me not trusting him when he is out. i have no basis for this except my past seems to be constantly haunting me, i have been cheated on lied to and hurt several times and although my man has never done this to me (i truly believe this) i seem to lose a grip on reality when he comes home and start to question him repeatedly and accuse him. i have no grounds for these accusations and no that it is my past experiences that are causing me to react this way, so what can i do to stop feeling this way. he treats me great and loves me so much so why am i so insecure?? please advise
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 I agree, it's the fastest way to kill a relationship.
Just stop! and if you can't, then at least seek outside help to get you through your issues and absolutely do not focus them toward him.
Hope you get things sorted xx
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Remember, you cannot hold the future accountable for the past. Meaning, you can't make your current boyfriend pay for the sins of your exes. That's not fair to him.
You need to reconcile the hurt you're still feeling. You need to fix that wound. You can't put the responsibility of repairing yourself onto your current boyfriend, because that's putting too much on him.
You *will* lose him if you keep this up.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 July 2012):
 This kind of behavior gets old real fast, try your best to refrain from it before your guy gets fed up and walks. Practice makes perfect so start now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 July 2012):
 You need to control yourself, to NOT give him the 3rd degree the moment he gets home. YOU CAN NOT let the actions of former partners DICTATE your behavior or let past actions of the same former partners, be an EXCUSE to behave with such distrust and insecurities.
Next time he gets home, STOP yourself from "grilling" him. STOP listening to that "voice" in your head that tells you you HAVE to do that.
Only one who can STOP this behavior is you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): Be prepared to lose him if you continue in this way. You will drive him away because he will feel you don't trust him and that's important. Seek counselling and therapy and tell you bloke immediately you are doing this and why. He will support you if he's a good guy. Either way, you need the therapy or you won't ever be able to have a proper relationship with a guy.
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