A
male
age
30-35,
*ravisPrice
writes:My girlfriend is 16 and we have been dating for 10 months. From day one her dad has hated me, even her mother sys that mainly he just doesn't want to let go of the thought that his "little girl" isn't so little any more. I have always been respectful of his rules, bring her home on time, being polite, just over all respecting her as much as possible. All except for one night and of course and he saw it. They had went away to a wedding a few weeks ago and told her that it would very late (2am or so) before they got home. We were staying at her place and watching movies. Since we thought we were there alone his no touching rule went out the window fast. I was fingering her with her pants down, neither one of us had shirts on and were in a heavy make out session when her parents come home HOURs early. I swear he must have been trying to catch us because neither one of us heard him come in until he was standing in the door way to the living room. He said nothing, he didn't have to his facial expression was enough for me to get the hint to get out of there fast. She said he said nothing to her for two days, when he finally did talk to her he said that I was not welcomed In his home again. Her mother told her that we should just give her father some time to get over what he saw. Today she called me and said that her mother wanted me to come for dinner. I have no idea what to say to this guy now. He hated me before he saw he fingering his daughter. How do I make conversation with him now? I can't not go because if I don't then it will be rude. I really like her a lot but just facing them again will be hard. Any advice on what to say would be greatly appreciated. Should I apologize for what we did or not mention it at all
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Tell us how the wedding go's :p
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): You've been a legal adult for two years and his daughter is two years away from even being CONSIDERED an adult legally. It's a big gap when one of you is only 16. So, as the older one (though she should do it too) you need to control your urges and respect the rules, as well as thinking "SHOULD people come home early, would I rather they continued to see me as respectful, or sexual with their minor?" Minor as in non-adult, not age of consent.
You're both to blame and I'm sure her dad knows that, but you should have (and in future) been more respectful of his home.
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (7 August 2014):
OP, I think the person who said it was gross was referring to the fact the father will be reminded of what he saw every time he enters his living room. A father having to see and think about his daughter in that way is most certainly gross! Imagine it was the other way around and you saw your Mum like that? You might know it goes on deep down, but you wouldn't want to think about it much less see it!
All you can really do is suck it up and go to the dinner. Be polite and respectful, and wait for it to blow over. It will be uncomfortable at first but it will fade in time. And please try to remember that it's not personal - Dads of teenage daughters don't tend to like their older boyfriends. But you will have a much better chance of winning him over if you don't flaunt your sexual desire and activity in his face. Be more careful next time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): I think you've gotten good advice all round so all I'll say is:
Please, please let us know how dinner goes!
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male
reader, TravisPrice +, writes (6 August 2014):
TravisPrice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what we did was wrong but anonymous female, you must not Remeber what it was like to be a teenager alone in your bf's house.
As for being in love , I do like her a lot and i think I love her. Do I think we wil, grow old together who's knows we are both young so I try not to worry about that to much.
Her father has made it clear even before this situation that he was not my biggest fan, he thinks I'm to old for her (im 4 yrs older by the way), he thinks I'm only after sex and I know how bad this situation makes that look but that's not the only reason I'm dating her.
Also I would never make her feel like she had to do something sexually that she didn't want to do. She was 100% ok with what I was doing to her,. And to the person who said fingering was gross, I have never had a gf complain or say tht before so until she says that I'll keep doing it
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reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Lol I'm sorry to laugh as this is no laughing matter but it's safe to say that you've gotten yourself into quite a situation. By 'fingering' his daughter after being given the specific rule of no touching, you've come off as a disrespectful scum bag in the eyes of her father. Yes she is his girl and he will always see her as his little girl as she is and forever will be his daughter so until such a time where she officially becomes an adult, I doubt that this will change. I'm actually a bit confused as to why her mom is cool with all of this but anyway that's not my point. This dinner that you're invited to by no means will be a walk in the park. I suspect that her father will try his best to make you feel uncomfortable and shame you at the dinner table in front of whomever else will be attending that dinner with the rest of you. He will pick at your bones to get reactions but I must warn you that if this takes place then you should try your damn near best to keep your cool. Answer respectfully and try to avoid answering awkwardly and swallowing your words. He will (after what he saw) try to make your life difficult. Perhaps let's not jump to the conclusion that this meal is for the purpose of him forgiving you because I doubt it. Think about it, why would he tell you never to come back to his house then invite you to dinner to forgive you just like that? Prepare yourself for the worst case scenario because I'm afraid optimism isn't the best attitude to walk into a situation like this with. It smells like a fishy situation; Like a test. So take it as such and don't forget that when you get the chance to, you should step aside and apologize to her father and be careful what you do with or to his daughter from this day forward. Good luck. You're going to need it.
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reader, TravisPrice +, writes (6 August 2014):
TravisPrice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo yes I said I like her alot which I do. I also pv ever but I can't promise we will be together forever no.,and to the person who commented that we disrespected his rules because we fooled around In His house when he wasn't home. I guess you were never a teenager.
I'm not saying what we did w ok but I'm not the first 19 yr old guy to fool around with his gf in her parents house.
I understand that she is only 16 and I would never make her feel like she has to do something for go further then she wanted to sexually. She was 100% ok with what we were doing.
I totally understand why is was upset. Heck if it was my dad walking in on my sister and her bf he probably would kick the guys ass.
And yes I know he hated me before this whole situation. He has made it clear several times that he didn't like me. He thinks I'm to old for her, he doesn't want her dating, and he thinks I'm only dating her for sex which I know by this question it looks bad but I am not dating her for that reason only.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): Act like what you are being groomed for. To be a son in law. :-)
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reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I partially agree with CindyCares, except for the part about you having been forgiven. This dinner isn't about forgiving you. It's about their daughter loving you. Now, I think that it's possible that by the end of dinner, they WILL forgive you, because this wouldn't happen had they not seen that you are, in fact, good for their daughter and that she loves you.
I fully agree with CindyCares in the matter of you being respectful, dressing well, being polite, and acting like a man. This is the true chance for them to get to know you, the chance of opening her father's eyes to accepting that she's getting older. I have a feeling that her mother is also your ally, reminding her husband that he was once just like you are.
This is a big step. If you feel like apologizing, don't apologize for touching her...just in the matter of respecting their rules.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Oh poor OP,lol ! I hear you , how I would not want to be in your shoes !
Take heart, though. If they have invited you, it may only mean that his father got over the accident , and that you are out of the doghouse. You have been forgiven, he must have concluded that boys will be boys ( ... and that it takes two to tango, his daughter was there too , no shirt on and all .. ).
I would not bring the subject of that night up, though, I'd let the bygones be bygones. Just be your most charming self, and super polite of course. Arrive in time, dress neatly, bring flowers, offer helping in clearing up or washing the dishes, thanks profusely for the invitation and lavish complimens on the food :). The usual stuff.
As for conversation, I think ( and hope for you ) that you will not have any one-on-one with dad, so just keep it generic, follow their lead. If they talk about the weather, talk about the weather, if they talk about Tv shows, talk about Tv shows. If they ask you about school, or work, reply corteously.
Come on, OP- you can do it. You will survive :).
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): "Since we thought we were there alone his no touching rule went out the window fast."You disrespected the parents by doings this in their house. You two got intimate in the living room, presumably on the couch. Now every time the father is in the living room, he knows you were fingering his daughter - which is gross. You guys couldn't even go to the bedroom? Sixteen-year-olds are very young and very inexperienced. In this day and age, she really is just a "little girl." Nothing tells me the father is being overprotective. Go to dinner. Assess the tension in the air. If the father makes good/casual conversation, don't suddenly bring up that incident. Then again, he might be testing you, waiting for you to initiate first and apologize. I think if you want to apologize, which isn't a bad a idea in general, you should step the father aside and speak with him privately. Don't make excuses. From then on, you follow his rules until his daughter turns eighteen and she's independent enough where she doesn't have to live under her parents' roof.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): Omg, I've been in a similar situation, I'm still cringeing looking back on it!! Long story short, my bf acciedntally sent his Dad a video of me giving him a blow job. *cringes*Most Dad's are really protective of their little girls, if he's that sort of man he probably would have been like that with no matter who her b/f was, I'm sure it was nothing personal to you.I'm sure he didn't intend to catch you guys out, but what he saw was something NO FATHERS want to see, I'm sure you get that. He had every right to be pissed, and he also probably felt sad because he was faced with the naked(no pun intended) truth that his daughter is no longer a little girl in a very blunt way. Be glad that you've been invited to dinner, this is a sign that her Dad is starting to come around. I'm sure he didn't hate you before, if he did, you most likely would NEVER be invited back. I would just make normal conversation, and even though you'll feel your cheeks burning, try to act as if it didn't happen. I'm sure its a mental image he is trying to erase from his mind, so don't mention the event up if no one else does. I'm sure he knows you are sorry, and this visit will be the first step in you'se laughing it off and letting it go.He's probably not all that bad, or he could have cut off all contact with you and his daughter. Sounds like you're getting a second chance- so take it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): You "like her a lot", not love, but are already getting sexual under her parents' roof. Smart move.
Ever considered he might not like you because you're at least two years older than her and, she may be legal, but she's not considered an adult and you are.
He's worried about his daughter falling for some older "jack the lad" who will put his hands all over her and then leave her and break her heart. Just be MORE respectful, don't being it up again and keep it out of his house!
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