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My girlfriend keeps lying about her past and I cant handle it anymore!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 January 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 January 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I dont know if I want to stay with my girlfrend and I really need some help here.

I know it should be my own decision but I really dont know what to do anymore.

She had told me everything about her past. Well I had though everything.

She had told me that she had been with 6 guys before me. But one she didnt count because she didnt let him finish.

One of my best friends which is a girl told me that my girlfriend had slept with this guy named tony.

I didnt belive her I just felt she was jealous that I wasnt haning out with her anymore so I ignored it.

My girlfriend denied it...

Ive been having issues dealing with her past for a while now but I had started getting over it.

Well this past weekend this guy tony started messeging her on myspace saying he missed her and all this stuff so I kinda tripped out about it and asked her what it was about..

She gets all mad and starts saying that I dont trust her and all this stuff and she finally admits to sleeping with him.

Making that 7 guys she has been with and me being the eighth..

This got me really angry and I decided to break up with her for this lie.. She also told me that she didnt tell one of the guys to stop she I guess it would count or whatever..

I know this was all in the past but I cant handle that lie.

She lied to me so long and I just felt like she had ripped my heart out.. She tells me she was embarassed or whatever and I still love her but I dont think I can handle being with her.

Six was already to much for me but to find out about another one ten months already into the relationship just killed me.. I had already started to forget about the other six when I found this out but I dont think I can forget about this anymore.

She lied to me.. Swearing up and down on my life that she had only been with six.. I knew she was lying and I knew she was hiding more.

Im really lost right now and I really need help.

I still love her.. She was my first..

Someone plz help me..

View related questions: best friend, her past, jealous, myspace

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A male reader, Evans Venezuela +, writes (20 January 2010):

My friend.Leave her now. This will continue to haunt you even after marriage. It doesn't matter you stay together for the rest of your life but if everyone who has been through this can be honest enough, there is no joy for the rest of your life. FACT, this is not what you pictured of your love life. Get rid of her in your life. You will get over it and find real,innocent and pacifying love. Don't quickly find someone, you will do it out of frustration. Take your time to settle. Maybe 6 months.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (20 January 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntWhat confusion you feel and express here in form of question is your 'jealousy' It is same, as you say about your friend in this statement,'I didnt believe her I just felt she was jealous that I wasn't hanging out with her anymore so I ignored it."

See, Jealousy is not basic emotion, basic is sense of fear and insecurity. Your confusion arise from fear for security.

So, you relay on your knowing, and not on your feeling. You like her for what? Is it her good and positive personality that you admire? Or is it her generosity that allow you to have sex? If second became your prime point for her attraction than it will be impossible for her to say anything truth, and reciprocally, for you to trust.

Sex is good, if you have and bad if another have is wrong attitude. Yes, when the question come for long terms relations then check the reason. If you like her personality, and you know her person some what higher degree, then you both will begin to trust each other, and will able able to face any truth.

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A male reader, spud4 United States +, writes (20 January 2010):

I know from experience how difficult this can be. I have been dealing with something similar for about 16 years. She was my first as well so I know how you feel. Ask yourself if what you are feeling is LOVE or infatuation. If the answer is the former; get her to admit everything so that you can get over it. My wife did not admit everything, so unfortunately we are still dealing with this issue. See my post from a few months back.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

And the thing is.. When we first started seeing each other she had told me she had been with ten guys.

She said the only reason she said this is because a few of my friends had told her that I slept around alot or whatever and that I was just going to use her.

One of my good friends told me last night that when him and another friend were hanging out with my girlfriend and her sister(before we started going out) that she had said she had slept with 13 guys..

My girlfriend denies this but I dont know what to belive anymore.. She has lost all my trust

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (19 January 2010):

Of course she lied. Look how you responded. This was her biggest fear. She was terrified you would judge her, so she lied. Even when she said she'd had six you couldn't accept it. If you can't accept that she has a past she doesn't want to talk about, then leave her and move on. Her past her is past, and that's it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010):

Honestly, if you love her, why does her past matter. What should matter is the present and your future together. It's not like she's sleeping with these guys while you two are together. I think she may have lied to you because she's trying to make you feel better about her being your first. Maybe she didn't want you to think that you were just another guy she's had sex with. She doesn't want you to think you're comparing yourself to all these other guys she's been with. And yeah i can believe that she'd be embarrassed about telling you. Maybe she would've told you after she lied if you hadn't gotten mad about the 6 guys. Maybe she thought you'd break up with her if it was alot of guys and she didn't wanna lose you so she gave you a lower number for the sake of your relationship. All i'm saying is get over her past if you truly love her. Don't let that ruin what you two have.

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