A
male
age
51-59,
*rayking65
writes:My 55 year old girlfriend,who I live with, is a total bitch. She only wants sex 1 time every ten days where I want it every day. Next for 9 months she continuously nags me follows me and tells me to clean this clean that. It's annoying and it tears down my self esteem. Shell make comments like I never dated a man so needy that couldn't clean up after himself or do things for himself. You ruined the night. How much do I take before leaving her?
View related questions:
self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): If she's cleaning up after you, let alone anything else she does in life (does she work a job? are there kids, grandkids or elderly parents to take care of?), maybe she's TIRED and doesn't even have the energy to have sex. And why would she even WANT to with you who obviously aren't doing your fair share to help. Sounds like you're a real winner yourself, speaking of the person you "love" in those words. You're just a user. I bet you use other people in your life, too. Like someone else said, let her go already so she can find someone who appreciates her.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Your G/f might be a nag but what exactly are you if you call her a "total bitch"? Your carefully chosen words to describe her actually put you in a great light. She isnt your sex toy, and at her age she's probably getting towards menopause which reflects in her lack of desire for sex. Please try to understand her before abusing her. How much do you take before leaving her? Ask her that question. I'm surprised she's still tolerating you.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Why do you live with her then? Why do you stay if you are so unhappy?
Are you not cleaning up after yourself? I need way more information before I determine who is out of line here. But based on just what you have said… if she has to nag constantly to get you to clean up after yourself, then you are the one with the problem because a grown man should be cleaning, cooking and doing the laundry as much as the female partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 February 2012):
 We cannot know if your GF is a real nag, or just a tired exhausted frustrated woman who does not want be the unpaid nanny of a grown up boyfriend.
So, why don't you make a little experiment. You start cleaning up after yourself every time, and stop incommodating her for things that you could easily do yourself. Best of all, you do your half of home chores, and do it well, not slapdash.
Take away from her the pretext for nagging.
If she continues nagging regardless, then she's a real bitch. If she stops nagging, she is not, just a regular person who dislikes slobs and dislikes being taken advantage of .
As for the sexual issue, well, 3 or 4 times a month is not really starving you for sex is it ?. But I understand that you may want more, and in this case you can maybe meet halfway, she becames a little more proactive and you curb a bit your impulses. It should not be impossible to find a happy medium that satisfies both- especially when she won't have to use that much energy to clean after you .
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 February 2012):
 Wow, you sound like she is your maid and sex toy, not your GF.
Dump her, let her meet a decent man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Your girlfriend isn't there purely for your benefit.
She isn't the cleaner,she isn't your sex toy
What do you bring to the relationship, do you cook for her, do you fix things around the house?
Relationships are give and take, 50/50, if you made her feel special instead of like a housemaid the chances are she would WANT to have more sex.............
...............................
A
female
reader, Paul_2012  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 first of all dude, why is she moaning at you to clean up?
do you actually clean up?
if not, clean up before she gets the chance to moan at you, she is pobs naggin because yes, she has had many boyfriends in the past who do take pride in their homes by cleaning it all the time - why should she do it? i hope you do not leave it with the assumption that she will do it - maybe youve met your match!
as for the sex, dude this is disrespeectful!
I;ve gone two weeks and not had sex with my gf because she is tierd, she doesnt feel like it etc etc and believe my im a horny guy .. but how come ive never wanted to leave? because i love her.
and sex is only a bonus! you cant have sex everyday, life is just so hetic at times - sometimes i find myself sying im tierd and going to bed to my gf and not wanting sex.
dont leave her because of this or because of the cleaning thing.
if you truly loved her you wuold WANT to help out round the house and also you would RESPECT that she dosent want sex every day.
seriously, grow up
PAUL
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): She probably can't figure out another way to get you to take some responsibility in that dept. You need to start doing your fair share. Having to do all the cleaning may be affecting her sex drive also. Either way- once every ten days is not that bad. If you want to leave then leave and find someone who fits your sex drive and who likes to clean up after you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): if you have to ask how much you should take before leaving, it's time to leave already.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 February 2012):
 I'm not seeing your girlfriend being a "total bitch" here. In fact I hear literally nothing in your question to indicate she's actually done anything wrong other than not doing exactly what you want her to. The vast majority of men do not even approach doing their fair share of cleaning, so calling her a nag and a bitch because she is tired of cleaning up after you is completely uncalled for. And almost certainly affects her sex drive. No woman wants to feel like a man's mother and have to do an extra job.
And it doesn't make her a "total bitch" simply because your girlfriend wants sex less than you do. We're not talking once a month, but about once a week. Which is not totally abnormal.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Do you pick up after yourself ? Or does your girlfriend have to do all the cleaning ?
Do you think she is being unreasonable with these things she is 'nagging' you about ? Or maybe you aren't pulling your weight ? If you expect her to be your maid AND ready for sex whenever you feel like it, your expectations are a lil too high buddy.
Women feel most attracted to their men when they can tell their man respects them and it's obvious he is contributing his fair share to the relationship.
If there is a clear imbalance she will be unhappy, and unhappy women don't want sex.
If you want to be with this women (and really, it doesn't sound like you do) try actually listening to her. If you make more effort you may be pleasantly surprised by her response.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Ummm you do not need anyone's permission to leave. If you wanna leave...then leave already!! It doesn't sound as if you two should be together anyways as you both have huge gaping differences both sexually and how you live.
You could try talking to her and lay your cards on the table. Tell her how you feel and ask her if you can both reach a compromise (you are a bit more pro active at cleaning up and fixing things and shes a bit more affectionate in the bedroom...that sort of thing)
If you can't work it out then either end it or just accept her the way she is, hope she does the same with you and find that kinda uneasy 'Let's just put up with eachother for the sake of not being alone' kinda relationship that millions of other couples live in.
Best of luck to you!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Do you love her?
You call her a bitch, say only negative things about her.
Maybe you have already decided you are leaving? You just need to do it if the relationship is not working. (Which from what you say - it is not working)
...............................
|
