A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I'm 18 years old and I have a girlfriend who I totally love and adore. We haven't been together for long, a few months, but I still find her great. Only problem, she is a bit insecure. She can take compliments, but questions me on them sometimes, asks why I think she's worth it, etc. She says she knows I love her and I know she loves me. I have talked to her about it and know that some of her experience has been rocky. One issue of late was when she went to Tasmania for 2 weeks. I would text / call her everyday she was away, tell her i was thinking about her, missing her, talking to her about her day. Progressively over the 2 weeks she sent messages containing 'I don't deserve you, you deserve someone better' etc. I managed to reassure her once or twice, telling her I would not loose interest because she was away (This was what she thought would happen, from a past relationship), but she has trouble getting to trust.I guess what I'm asking is if their is a way to make it easier for her to feel secure. Does she just need time? For me to be there for her while she gains comfort?She is back now, and hopefully has seen nothing changed, but she is still generally insecure.Thankyou
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miami Ad-Vice  +, writes (14 April 2009):
Many girls are insecure, that's not unusual, but I think there is a difference between being insecure and being needy. Your girlfriend sounds needy.
If I were you I would question why she texted you while on holiday with messages saying she didn't deserve you and you deserved someone better, that sounds like something a cheater would say. Maybe, she cheated on you or was tempted to cheat and she's just deflecting her feelings on you.
Or, maybe she is just scared of getting hurt, in that case just keep reminding her that you'll be there for her no matter what and tell her straight... there can be no love without trust.
It sounds to me like you've done your best to reassure her and comfort her and you have given her no reason to doubt you. You began your post saying you love and adore her and I don't know many eighteen year olds who can say they love and adore anyone. If she can't see that you are different to her exes, then maybe she's right and she doesn't deserve you.
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