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My girlfriend didn't seem too thrilled to hear from me after her vacation--WHY?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 August 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 28 August 2010)
A male Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, I'm just really confused right now. And I really miss my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old, and we were doing very well before she left for a week long vacation. We've been spending nights together, sharing a lot of intimacy, talking and all that -- it was great. It was great, and I really miss it all with her. Her vacation was 6 days long, and now I'm waking up to a 7th day of missing her, thinking about when we'll be in touch again. I called her the day she came back, but she was extremely tired from complications at the airport -- so she didn't sound very enthused about hearing from me at all. She said she had to go to take a nap. She also said that she'd call me back that night. Well, alright -- she was tired, nothing to be worried about. But she never called me or texted me back that night. It's the next day now; I'm going to wait it out and hope that she'll make some kind of effort to contact me. I really want to call her though, although I know it's best to just wait it out. Anyway, do you think she's losing interest or something like that? Did she even miss me at all when she was away? I'm so confused.

Thanks

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm naturally a pretty pessimistic person, so I was pretty worried. I really missed her though, I tried calling her a bunch of time the day after. Anyway, she finally got around to texting me: the airport complications I mentioned earlier lost her suitcase with her phone/computer charger in it. And she was also suddenly called to work as well. So she's been really busy; I guess things seem to be alright.. except I don't know how we'll stay in touch, as she lost her charger with her luggage. She said that she'll try calling me through a landline or something. I think I'll stop by her place if we aren't finding any luck in talking to each other ( she doesn't live very close though; otherwise , I'd stop by anyway ). thanks for the replies again, some of them were pretty comforting :)

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A female reader, mizz.butterflies United States +, writes (28 August 2010):

mizz.butterflies agony auntplay hard to get,if anything don't go to her like a puppy that missed his master. let her contact u.the first time she does so,act like ur a little busy and tell her ur gonna call her back. Play the game like she does.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (27 August 2010):

I think you're blowing this out of proportion.

The explanation could be dead simple: she's had a long day from travelling, is deadbeat and just wants to sleep it off. The next day is usually the day of unpacking, etc. This is tedious and tiring and often things like texting and phonecalls get shoved aside.

This is probably the case with your GF. She knows better, but she's a human being. Hell, I'm like that too. It's not intentional, but it happens. Don't make a fuss out of it. Not unless you've left somehing out that would put all this in another light.

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A female reader, FluffyPie United States +, writes (27 August 2010):

FluffyPie agony auntUniverseMan-- I didn't manipulate him.

I was too chicken to tell him that I don't want him anymore. I've been tossing and turning because of "how can I make this easier to him? oh I know: I'll act like a bitch, so HE can dump ME". I knew how much he loved me, so I thought it was cruel to tell him straight. But instead, I've chosen the most pathetic way to go through.

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A male reader, Universe Man United States +, writes (27 August 2010):

It's impossible to know what is going on in a woman's mind. It is entirely possible that she lost interest in you. Regardless, the best thing to do is to wait for her to contact you, which she knows she is supposed to do. If her interest is waning but is still there, then the only way to re-stoke that fire is to make her wonder why you haven't come running for her attentions. If her interest is gone, it's already over and you just don't know it yet, so you might as well start getting used to not talking to her.

Do NOT "pay her a visit and talk this over"!! I cannot stress that enough. Let's say she's on the fence about continuing to see you. Who do you think is going to win her over, the boy who comes over and needs it explained to him why she doesn't miss him as much as he misses her? Or the man who doesn't mention it, and gives no hint that he even notices that she's acting differently?

See how FluffyPie acted unkindly to her boyfriend in an effort to manipulate HIM into dumping HER? That is how most women operate, my friend. It's a cutthroat game.

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A male reader, James the Rocket Australia +, writes (27 August 2010):

You're jumping the gun a little bit. I would be worried if she didn't contact you after day two of being home. Mind you, I would be fretting all that long day! She was probably just tired.

It can be confronting, the idea of a spouse losing interest in you. I do wonder if she was being unfaithful, but I think she would then be sowing you interest to allude suspicion (but then, females are illogical!).

Why did you not go together? Are you at work or school while she was on vacation? A vacation apart is a bad sign. Was there any effort to gel your holidays?

You really should have waited until 11pm on day two to ask this, then sleep and read the answers next day. Hey, I just noticed this is a recent question... let us know how it goes!

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A female reader, answerfromtheheart United States +, writes (27 August 2010):

answerfromtheheart agony auntShe needs some time, it's only the second day, after a crappy trip, people need rest and sometimes seeing your other half is not the priority when you feel like "shit"

Let her rest and call her later on tonight to see how she's doing.

When I'm tired, hungry or pissed off I don't want to talk to anyone, even to the person whom I love. I just want to be left alone so I can get back to normal.

Relax.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (27 August 2010):

dirtball agony auntIs she losing interest? Probably not. There is always the chance that something happened that could change her mind, but that's pretty unlikely. Most likely, she was really tired and had a lot to do. Like unpacking, getting settled in. I love to travel, but I don't want to deal with ANYTHING when I first get back. I need a day to get settled back in.

Did she miss you? Probably. I'm sure there were times she wanted you to be there with her. Then again, depending on how long you've been together, it could have been a real relief getting away from everything, you included.

Don't read too much into this. Do wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't call back, maybe make mention of wondering if everything was ok since you hadn't heard from her.

My picture of what happened. She had problems at the airport and was very tired from a day of travel. She seemed short with you because she didn't want to talk to anyone. She got home and hit her bed. Nothing beats your own bed after a long trip. She probably slept better then she did the whole trip, and likely longer than she expected to. She woke up and realized she needed to unpack, do laundry, clean up the things she left before she went on vacation. While she may miss you, you're not the top priority because you'll be there for her when she's ready to spend time with you. She's probably feeling like she doesn't have the time.

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A female reader, FluffyPie United States +, writes (27 August 2010):

FluffyPie agony auntI've been through something similar 2 year ago, with my boyfriend. He left country for 2 weeks of vacation, he went to see his mother, who's working abroad. We were together for 3 months.

So he'd calling me, telling me how much he missed me and that he'd got a surprise for me and so on. But I used these 2 weeks to reconsider our relationship. When he came back, I was acting cold and repulsive towards him, hoping that he will dump me. Eventually I told him that I'm not ready for a serious commitment, so I broke up with him. I've completely lost interest in him, 2 weeks without seeing each other made me realize that I was just infatuated with him. I never missed him.

Anyway, we live different life experiences, so just call her or pay her a visit and talk this over. She might be just tired and waiting for you to call or show your face :). Don't jump to conclusions and don't worry.

Oh, and when you talk to her, don't be so insecure and don't act like you're scared or anything. Just act normal and always put a smile upon your face.

Good luck!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (27 August 2010):

Relax, relax, relax. Yes she missed you, no she's not losing interest. She's had a crap time at the airport that has exhausted her, and she's just resting, and the whole 'coming back to real life' saga after a vacation can also it hard.. Just give her a couple of days to get back into normal life mode, and you'll be fine.

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