A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend are deeply in love and want to have a baby. Were 14 Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): **To the 14 year old that is pregnant, and doesn’t care what others say**First of all, you are a douche bag and should be giving advice at your age or immature state.The plain fact of you being 14 years old and pregnant proves your immaturity. If you think at 14, you can provide for a child with the same proficiency as an adult with a steady job and house of their own could, then you are sadly mistaken and someone needs to take you out back and beat some sense in to your head. It’s scientifically proven that children born to “children” are worse off than children born to mature competent adults. You deciding to have a child at 14, would be like putting your hand in a bag of birth defects and health complications, and choosing what your baby is going to receive. In fact, children with these issues would be in better hands than yours.You say providing for your baby will not be difficult because there are churches and other places you can get things from. This is another comment to prove your incompetence and immaturity. What makes you any better than a bum sitting on the side of the street begging? People that go to these churches and food pantries, only do because they have no other choice. They had either lost their job or just cannot afford to buy food or other things after their bills are paid. You would knowingly get pregnant and use these pantries as your source of food? You are a waste of oxygen and food. Someone needs to de-cod you to save the world from your offspring and mindset.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): k wow.
who really cares ?
Im 14, and im pregnant.
I spend alot of time with babies & im very mature for my age.
& believe it or not, i tried to get pregnant.
yeahyeah, and a baby is something amazing and precious, you can tell how amazing they are by just looking at them.
My family ISNT rich, or even close to it, but i know ill get by. It wont be hard for me to get things i need for the baby.
Theres churchs and other places you can get things from.
But anyways !
Thats me, and i know i can handle it.
As for you guys...
Think about your parents.
Would they help and support you? Yours might, but what about hers?!
Her parents might hate you for getting her pregnant, and u guys wont be able to get your own place, because your not old enough to rent, and a 14 year old can NOT make enough money to afford a apartment.
& what if u get sick of her and the baby after awhile?
You cant just leave her!
I know u say you wouldnt now, but trust me, it'll happen.
I just told my bf i took a pregnancy test and he stopped talking to me, and he told me he WANTED a kid.
You dont think about it now, but just the 2 of you cant handle this.
You'll get sick of eachother very quickly.
Even if you had both of your parents help, you and your gf would fight, and your relationship wouldnt work.
Dont do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): OMG. 14? are yu serious? yeah, yu may be "deeply in love". but having a kid at 14?! its sooo sad kids these days think that they are in love and want to have kids to keep a relationship. you guys just got into highschool. ENJOY YOUR YOUNG LIFE WHILE YOUR AT IT! DONT PUT A KID IN THIS ! what if yu and yur gf break up? what if yu are in so much stress? do yu even have a job?? how are you gonna support yu, yur girlfriend and child?! omg. yu have nooo idea what yu are putting yourself thru. yes, a baby is the precious thing that god has givin yu but yu dont see the pros and cons of having a baby. yu cant party, yu cant go out as much etc. ENJOY LIFE. but not having a kid. it will ruin yurself being a "kid at heart". yur STILL A KID. rethink this please. yur parents may not support yu all the way. her parents may not be a support as well. too young just a waste of young life. i still wish i was in high school but now im 20 and moving to the big world. REALITY CHECK, YU ARE NOT READY. sorry just speaking my mind. RETHINK THIS OKAY.? please.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I am 17. I am with my boyfriend who is 22. We have a 9 week old daughter. I'm gonna give you the best advise you'll ever hear-
DO NOT DO IT. Please?
At 14, I assume you both attend school and live with ur parents?
If this is correct, You are not old enough nor are you mature enough.
How long have you been with her? Ever heard of ovulation? Do you work? Can you drive?
If you work, how much do you get?
My boyfriend works as a welder 12 hours a day for 6 days a week (lots of overtime) and I do home schooling which is so difficult. We barely scrape in enough money to support our daughter because its not just nappies and formula, it's also the clothes she is constantly outgrowing, the doctor's appointments, the childcare which we will be forking out for next year, the creams and lotions for her sensitive skin, wipes, prams, cots, rockers, medicine..the list is endless. When i first brought her home she slept approx 3 hours a night.. it was terrible. There is night feeds to deal with not to mention the colic she gets at 5pm each and every afternoon. I eat cold dinner, have 2 minute showers, barely get to work out for 20 minutes and am having a great hard time doing assignments. I am 15 kilos over weight, i have a pouch on my belly with 500000 stretch marks. My relationship isn't as strong as it used to be. I'm not the type to go out partying but are you? How will you deal with wanting to go out when those hormones finally hit? what about your girlfriend? You're making the biggest mistake.. and you know it, otherwise you wouldn't be on this website asking for help. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I'm 17 and my daughter is 9 weeks old. Do not do it! Having a baby isn't a toy, it's a constant all night all day. Pregnancy wasn't so bad but because you are 14 your baby is at risk and could even die. I remember the first few weeks...I was getting less than 2 hours of sleep a day and it affected my relationship with my boyfriend. I now get 5-6 hours of sleep and it's bliss. I can't shower unless someone is watching my baby and my boyfriend works 6 days a week for 12 hours in a hot shed just to support us. I'm at home doing home schooling trying to get my year 10 certificate and I don't think I'll make it in time. I eat cold dinners and she has colic and screams so bad I've taken her to the hospital twice. My body is still out of whack! I'm 20 kilos overweight and sex doesn't feel the same. My relationship is still ok but it's not how it was and I cannot urge you much more than to say PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't do it! Please? You will thank me for it. I love my daughter with all my heart but it's really hard for me and my boyfriend. I'm 17 and he is 22. And you both are only 14. How are you going to manage? Ask your parents what they think. If you are comfortable asking your parents permission then you will truely know that you are old enough to take on such a responsibility. xx Take Care!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): Oh my goodness here goes.Ok think about this, you guys are 14. You cant get a decent paying job to support a child. You cant get your own place to live, you cant even support yourselves how can you support and innocent life!!And hell, you cant even get served in a bar! One day that will come and you'll wanna go out with your friends!And then theres school. Over in america its mandatory to stay in school until your 18 years old! You cant just expect your folks to care for a baby while you have a fun day at school!!!If you want to have a baby (which in my eyes is a very adult thing to do) you have to be adult about it! You have to think aboutside the box. Where will you live, can you afford it. Its not free these days!Listen I can completely understand. I have had the urge with my fiance to have a baby for 2 years now. We till dont have a baby but im glad we didnt back then either! Its the biggest thing in the world, you think it wont complete you but it wont. Look on this website on teh pregnancy page and see how many men have gone off their women from becoming pregnant and how many women have stopped beign with their men because of it. Its a very stressful thing and thats just early pregnancy! The you have to plan and get all teh abby's things and plan the birth! Think of all that stress on top fo school work!And think about the girl you love... Shes not even fully developed yet and you wanan plant a baby in ther, to stretch her skin and bones (as well as somewhere else)?!Think about it again when your AT LEAST 18.If you love this girl you will wait and tell her to wait as well. If not, then your beign naive and i feel sorry for the child. Goodness me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Of course you do.
So what do you want to know - how to make one perhaps?
Or are you asking which gooseberry bush to look under and at what time of year?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Please, please, please don't say you live in North Carolina!
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Oh god, Oh god, Oh god...... wakeeeeeee upppp..BIG "NO"Do you have already enough things to start life?Do you have already a stable income? Does she know already anything about being a mother..?Think... Think... Having a baby is not really a joke... Its BIG, HUGE RESPONSABILITY....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): honestly id have to say no i dont think you guys should have a kid.because think about it are you actually ready for a baby?do you both have a job?thats 18 years out of ur life that you have to dedicate to another person and not you.which means all the normal teen stuff that you would most likely wanna do you are not gonna be able to.im not being mean im justsaying.lol.think about it.
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (27 October 2009):
I hope you can find a way to understand that at your young age having a baby would be very difficult and cause hardship on your life and your relationship with each other. It seems like a wonderful thing until you actually have a baby and reality hits hard. You will be obligated for the rest of your life to this child, both financially and emotionally. You will have to work two jobs to support your girlfriend and baby. You will be under great stress. You will never be able to have fun and enjoy your youth. You and your girlfriend have it made right now without children. You don't understand the responsibility you will have. Try babysitting for a week straight with her and see if you both have a fun time doing that. If you really enjoy having to babysit an infant 24/7 for one week straight including financially supporting this infant then go for it.... but I am 100% sure you would not enjoy this responsibility after one week. Please go see a counselor. You both need to talk to an adult and get some help.
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A
female
reader, SweetCheeks.  +, writes (27 October 2009):
I know how you feel in a way but im older...How long you too been going out?... And what would your families say about this. Me and my bf are trying but we 17.
Think This through hard please. Might not be your thing in the end. And you both need support from families not just each other.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): everyone here is being very harsh, judgemental and have dont understand how you feel which is wrong. for one sex is sex. fun for all ages over 14 in my opinion if you are mature enough. no need for age discrimination. but i too disagree with you having a baby despite the fact i do understand you. natasia gave you the best advice of all here. i suggest you take it. have a baby by all means when you have all it needs for a good life, despite the fact im sure you will be good parents. in the meanwhile keep with the pills and condoms. take care dear.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Oh dear - everyone is being pretty hard on you. What I want to know is, why do you want a baby now? I guess you must feel very close to your girlfriend, and possibly the idea of starting a family is much more appealing than just going through school and waiting? There are a lot of practical things to do with having a baby, though, that maybe you haven't thought of (or you might have thought of them, but you won't really understand the fully responsibility of a baby until you've got one).
Your and your girlfriend's hearts and hormones are ruling you right now, and in one way it is totally natural for you to want a baby. If you guys were living a million years ago in an uncivilised world, of course everybody would be having babies as soon as they were able - ie, girls from about 12, boys from about 14. But sadly your natural instinct clashes with life in 2009. We have a structure - a very strong one - of school, college, work, money, and all sorts of responsibilities. You don't live in a primitive society where one more baby would just be welcomed into the extended family and everybody would help you and be happy. I'm sorry ... life just isn't like that anymore, well, not in our countries.
So: think about the impact of having a baby now. Answer these questions:
- Where would you live?
- What about school?
- Who would pay for the baby's things?
- Who would help look after him or her?
- What do your families think?
- Will you and your girlfriend have the patience, stamina, kindness and morality to bring up a baby properly and fairly? (this is almost the biggest question, because being a parent is very very challenging - emotionally, and physically, and financially, and puts a strain on the very best of relationships)
You can now see why everyone is saying 'What? You're mad!! Wait!'. What they aren't doing is recognising your feelings - and the urge to have a baby is about the strongest urge on the planet - it is completely overwhelming - trust me - I know. I think, though, you need to engage your heads here. I would say wait until you have at least finished school. There's nothing wrong with having a family when you are young, but after school is so very very much better for everyone involved. It is also better in the solid framework of a marriage.
There you go. I've tried to be helpful, and not just over react. You can still love your GF to bits, and if you're still together in 4 years' time, it will have been worth the wait.
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (27 October 2009):
Don't. Your 14 for Christ's sake. You're crazy.
I feel stupid even responding to this, cause if you're dumb enough to even have to ask this question, you're probably not going to heed anyone's advice.
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A
female
reader, LaraC +, writes (27 October 2009):
It is a very bad idea! Having a baby is a very big deal and not something for children to enter into as a game.
I urge you not to proceed with this as it is immature, irresponsible and a very selfish thing to do at your age. Wait until your mid twenties when you will be able to support a baby instead of forcing your parents to do so for you.
I hope you will make the right decision and not go through with this - at 14 you are still a child (as such you shouldn't even be having sex yet!) and there is no way you would make a good parent yet. Wait another ten years until you are reasonable ready and then be the best parent you can be.
Best of luck,
L
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Dont Be Stupid!
Your 14..What about your education? You cant get a job at 14? Or if you can get a job it wont be a very good one. Your life will be full of adult responsibilities and your only young! Enjoy your life while your young..party hard! - you wont get a second chance at life. How are you going to support your girlfriend and your baby - what kind of live are you going to give that baby if you cant buy him food/clothes/medical bills/toys?
Where are you going to live?
What are your parents going to say?
What happens if your relationship with your girlfriend doesnt last? you're only 14 - you have a long life ahead of you.
A baby is for life..Seriously think about it!! There is ALOT of things to consider here!! Be Wise ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): You are babies!
In some countries people actually have campaigns to prevent parents from marrying off their girls too early - girls get pregnant, have children and have bad health and fewer choices for the rest of their lives.
I didn't know someone would WANT to do that!
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (27 October 2009):
 Yeah, bad idea. I am 24 and I am still not ready to have a baby. At 14 you are still in school, still alot to see and learn. A baby will stop you from doing alot of things you wish to do. You will always be financially strapped to the little one and I also highly doubt your parents will be thrilled.
You are still in their care. Babies should be brought into this world by people who are stable and rely on no one to take care of them either emotionally or financially. At 14 no one, especially in the USA, would give you a job that you would need to pay for the baby. No one will rent you out an apartment or lease you out a home with your girlfriend. Why would you want a baby you will expect your parents to pay for?
Whats even more likely is if you and your girlfriend actually have a baby, the likelihood of the two of you staying together is slim. A baby even puts stress on a marriage never mind a young couple like you guys. In which case you will only be a part time father to the child and with limited access to it. Your girlfriend will most likely be hampered with the full care of the child and her parents to pay for it. I ask the question again, why bring a child into this world if you expect someone else to pay for it?
Please read into what it actually takes to have a child and ontop of that look into how damaging a baby can be for your girlfriend's body if you really cared for her. Birth is such a dangerous time for both mother and child (women die in child birth) and at such a young age she is higher at risk.
So if you wont think about yourself or the life quality of the child, think of your girlfriend's health at least.
HonningKanin
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): ...your question being?
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