A
male
age
36-40,
*lue_warrior
writes:A really good friend of mine just announced to me about a couple of days ago that he's getting married. Obviously, I'm really happy for him but strangely enough, there's also another part of me that feels a little nostalgic and wistful. I remember feeling the exact same way when another friend of mine got hitched as well a year ago or so. Although I was glad he'd found someone to settle down with, I nevertheless felt a little unhappy that he wouldn't be able to continue to go on massive drinking binges with my cousin and I anymore. It's like my friends are progressing with their lives and I'm still stuck a particular stage. While they're getting married and starting families, some of my immediate priorities still revolve around screwing random sex-workers and getting high or drunk whenever I can. I'm beginning to feel that I need to grow up. The people I know are actually beginning to undertake serious commitments by starting families while I'm still chasing casual sex and other cheap thrills. Is this a justified reaction? Or am I simply blowing things out of proportion? Really feeling pretty confused right now..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, blue_warrior +, writes (30 April 2014):
blue_warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonest, sensible advice even if it's not necessarily what I wanted to hear. I won't be able to immediately stop sleeping with sex workers, but hopefully I'll be able to wean myself off them gradually. In the meantime, I'm going to follow Hoenypie's advice and start writing that book.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 April 2014):
 Aren't you on Prozac? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-do-you-prefer-it-when-a-man.html And your stated concern in this question http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-premature-ejaculation-with-sex-workers-im-worried.html was that you fear you won't be able to satisfy a girlfriend, which is why you stick with sex-workers.
You do sound stuck, which is no doubt why you feel wistful as you said, because people are continuing on their life paths and you seems to be in the same little cul-de-sac.
I would go in and have an evaluation by a good mental health doctor (the one who prescribes your Prozac should be able to provide that service) and see why it is you are unable to proceed with those ordinary social interactions that lead to dating.
Do you have OCD or Asperger's or other syndrome that may be your challenge here?
P.S. Lay off the booze and the other highs and the sex-workers for a bit, maybe your head will clear enough to get you pointed on a healthier path? That is, if that is what you want. Alcohol messes with your brain function, so does getting high, so does being on Prozac AND drinking and getting high!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 April 2014):
 I think, what you feel is somewhat normal. He is growing up, you REFUSE to grow up. You are STUCK. And I say that because you aren't progressing.
Everyone progress through life at their own speed. Some is set by society, like education and careers. Some are set by the norm of your peers.
Some people, like you, rather stagnate (better the devil (or lifestyle in your case) they know, then the conformity of adult progression.
How many prostitutes do you have to screw to realize it doesn't make you a better man, better lover, better anything? How many drugs do you have to take/try to realize they can not make you happy?
Maybe it's time to re-evaluate your life, your goals and dreams. Maybe you are getting closer to realizing that "cheap thrills" are TEMPORARY. It's like eating junk food for years, while you are young you might have a metabolism that can keep you from getting fat, but on the inside your arteries are getting clogged and so forth. Temporary means:
lasting for only a limited period of time; not permanent.
Does it mean you NOW have to find a girl and settle down? Not necessarily. That might not be what you REALLY want. Maybe you want to travel, write a book, change career....
Unless you DO figure out what your next step is you are going to be a 40-something who acts like a 16 year old kid, then a 50 year old teenager, and you will eventually be left behind by friends who have progressed and no longer thinks you are "Da Man" for acting like a kid that refuses to grow up.
You said you felt the same way some years ago, yet... you are still doing your "teen" thing.
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