A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello people ! My problem is a bit complex. me and my wife are happily married for 10yrs and love each other a lot.I also have a good friend whom we both have known since childhood. Often he comes to our home with his wife and kid for dinner. But lately i've started noticing that he keeps staring at my wife in a very awkward way. Also i've noticed that my wife also intentionally or unintentionally brushes against him while passing him or sometimes playfully pats him on his back. These physical movements are only from her side and it happens in everyone's presence and i think nobody notices it except me. Also my wife dresses a bit i would say sexily on such occasions. On the other hand my wife critisizes my friend for his drinking problem and his attitude towards his wife. What should i make out of it. I know my wife hates him as a person but why she behaves that way is beyond me. or is it just me being jealous and possessive? Now the really contrasting confession : i fantasize about my wife with him and with me together or sometimes just them and me watching. it really gives me immense pleasure. But in reality i really feel jealous when she behaves like she does. Please help !!Mr Split personality
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I think it would be easier on YOU if you stopped inviting him, because I highly doubt your wife would go for him if she's seeing him as being nasty to his own wife. In fact, if she really views him with disdain like you said, she might actually be relieved that you stopped inviting him.
I've had friends who are nasty, sarcastic, passive-aggressive, or outright cutting with their wives, and what goes through my mind is that I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole. She might actually feel sorry for his wife more than anything if she's seeing her being treated by him that way.
You say you know your friend too well, right?? Why is he your friend? It's probably true that if he's all horny-minded , that he very well could be objectifying your wife that way. If you're close, he might have enough sense to keep your wife off-limits.
So, you need to make a decision based on your own comfort level, but I don't think you have anything to worry about on your wife's end. Guys who are constantly jerks to the women they say they love are NOT attractive to other women, especially if your wife is friends with his wife.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): Thanks everyone for ur replies. Youwish,your observations n interpretations r absolutely spot on. Actually the truth is my wife behaves normally like anyone behaves with friends. The problem is i know my friend a little too much , all he thinks about is to have sex...thats fine with me..he has many positives also and thats why he is still my friend...but this idea is stuck in my mind that he sees my wife that way too. So in the end i feel that she is also playing some part in encouraging his wrong thoughts. The solution i've thought is that i will stop inviting my friend to my place . Your suggestions ??
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2012):
 I agree with YouWish and Honeypie... I think your fantasy might color how you see things...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Has your wife always been dressing up for him Or is this a recent occurance?
Do they have any interaction at work, or via private email, any FB friendship, any opportunity to be/visit alone with each other? Phone calls?
Your wife seems to be the so called innocent instigator: somewhat unnoticing deliberate bodily contact. He is content to just blatantly view her presence.
How is your relationship with your wife? Be honest now.... Perhaps you need to spice it up because of boredom? Do you know everything you need to know about your wife. Her sexual likes and dislikes? You may find that your wife has/is embarking into a "relationship" with your friend in order to alleviate her boredom. Her mid life crises. Her "he makes me feel special" therapy.
His wife? Any idea whether she has noticed anything or is she clueless?
Regarding your fantasy: Keep it that way! Do not tell the wifey or your best friend. OR they may just decide that you are a crowd. I'm curious: where is his wife while this fantasy takes place? Participating, merely observing or totally oblivious to the shenanigans? Becareful what you wish for: your fantasy can become your worse cHeating nightmare.
Oh and by the way OP you don't have to like a person to lust after them or to have sexual chemistry
Your wifes words are merely an attempt to get you off track. Where there is smoke there is fire, right? Investigate this "friendship" between your wife and friend. You may be surprised to discover just how "involved" they are... I suggest that you and the wife
Cut back on spending too much of time with the best friend and his wife. Time for you and the wife to reconnect...
I also know that nothing happens by chance...
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 April 2012):
 I agree with YOUWISH here, I think you are having a little bit of a fantasy going here and there fore scrutinize every move she makes, making them into something they are not or something more then they are.
I think a lot of her "touching" are sort of normal for people who have known each other for quite a while.
Try and talk to her.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 April 2012):
I actually respectfully disagree. I think you're rather fixated on the fantasy of her being with him, and you choosing the words "my wife dresses a bit i would say sexily on such occasions". Are you sure your wife isn't merely dressing up for company, and you're seeing what you want to see?
The guy's wife and child are coming with him, so I highly doubt that your wife would choose that time for overt flirtation.
I think your mind's playing tricks and feeding your fantasy and insecurity on this one. She isn't contacting him outside these family get-togethers, nor is she finding reasons for going over there or going off alone with him while he's at your house.
Also, and this is big....if she sees the way your friend treats his wife, and that bothers her enough to tell you about it, that's a huge turn-off. Does your friend mistreat his wife in the way that she says, or is she making it up? If she's right, and he does treat her bad that you know of, no WAY would your wife be going for him. A drinking problem coupled with mistreatment isn't very attractive either.
As for the dressing up, I think it's more that she doesn't dress up when it's just the two of you versus when you have company. When was the last time you took her out for a date? If you take her out to a nice dinner and a night on the town, she'd dress up really nice for you too.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 April 2012):
 Unfortunately it does sound like she likes him, but that doesn't mean something is going on or will go on. You might want to point it out to her the way she's behaving. She may not even realize she's doing it. Though I'm not totally sure the best course of action here, so wait for some other opinions before acting.
Having sexual fantasies about your wife cheating are actually pretty normal. Just so long as you know they should stay as fantasies, there's no problem. Though definitely don't tell your wife about them!
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