A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Back in August, my boyfriend and I decided that we will get married this October. We're both have been divorced in the past (no kids), so we're keeping it small and simple (family only). I'm not the type that fusses over engagement rings, big parties, and such either. Since we made the decision, we agreed to tell our family and close friends in person as we seen them, which we have. However, I've noticed he's reluctant to tell anyone at his work, or other acquaintances. He doesn't want to say we're engaged on Facebook either, but wait until we're married before changing our Facebook status. I suppose I'm just ecstatic and just want to announce the news to everyone now...I don't understand why he's so shy about it. Is this just a guy thing, or is something up?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Well then see it's all good honey.. he was just trying to avoid being the center of attention....
best of luck to you
we get married October 6th..... enjoy a nice Fall wedding...
lovely time later on for a nice get away weekend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the feedback. So I took it upon myself to announce the engagement on facebook. He accepted the change in relationship status, and many of his co-workers, who are also friends with him on facebook, now know. It's now getting passed around in his office. He mentioned to me, "Well, now everyone from the office knows." He didn't seem thrilled, but he wasn't really that upset either. He said lots of people from the office keep emailing him, wishing him the best. He mentioned names of people I don't know, and I responded, "Oh that's great. I don't know so many people you work with." And he responded, "Well, you probably won't. There are so many people that work with the company; you just won't meet all of them." He does work for a large corporation, so that is true. There was a slight weirdness about it all, but now everyone knows.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I like when you write this:.... "...This suddenly sounds really alarming to me..." because this all SHOULD be alarming to you.....
If you were my Sister, I'd suggest that you put this whole affair on "HOLD" until YOU feel much more certain that you know what the heck is going on.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2012):
Again OP if you don't know you really have to ASK HIM....
and if you are AFRAID to ask him what's going on, then you have to question if you are ready to marry a man whom you can't ask why.....
It may not be that he cheated on you... why in the world would that be your FIRST thought...
ok just to ease your mind...
my first thought was he has a "work wife" I have had work Husbands... guys that I'm very close to... we have a lot in common, we have similar personalities... and we hang out at work together... for me... the last "work husband" I had used to come over to my house when MY then husband was HOME and his WIFE knew.... and he would do things like install lights and sinks.... we would occasionally go out as two couples... but other than that we were JUST friends... there was NEVER any improper behavior on EITHER of our parts....
perhaps your fiance has a work flirtation going on and he's afraid it will stop when he gets married or the woman knows about it... so he's dragging it out as long as he can.
Perhaps he had an intimate relationship with someone at the office before you came along (perfectly acceptable that he did so AND unless you specifically asked that he did not tell you)..... and he's afraid of how she will react...
it's possible that there is a woman in the office who has feelings for him that he does not return.... and he is afraid of her reaction and that giving her only a weeks time to "step up her game" till he's married will not be too harmful...
I have no clue but clearly if your FIRST thought was that he cheated on you... well then you have to talk to him and let him know that you don't quite trust him...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy would he be so hesitant for someone in the office to know? Do you think he cheated on me? This suddenly sounds really alarming to me...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2012):
Well we don't know what he's thinking but I can kind of understand it... He's told the family, and you've told close friends... you have a date set and finalized plans... so it sounds to me like he just likes to keep work as separate from home as possible... perhaps there is a particular co-worker he is trying to avoid having to deal with and this way no one in the office knowing is a safe bet.
as long as he's put in for his time off for the wedding and honeymoon it seems fine to me.
the only one who knows REALLY what's going on is him... and I'm not sensing that he is having an issue with you and the marriage... more so that there is SOMEONE in the office he's trying to avoid dealing with till the last minute.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo ring, but we have an exact date and everything arranged. It's happening a month from now. It's a family only event. We've already told our close friends. He just hasn't told anyone else. When I asked him why he doesn't want to tell his co-workers yet, he said he would tell them a week before the wedding. He said he doesn't want to be hassled about questions, and wants to have the ability to tell his co-workers at his own pace. Yesterday, I told all of our friends on Facebook. He was a little annoyed that I didn't consult him first, but didn't make much of a fuss about it either. I told him that I was interpreting this hesitation as unenthusiastic for getting married. He said that's not the case, that it only matters for him that people close to us know. It just doesn't make sense to me why he wouldn't just tell everyone now vs a week before the wedding. What's the big deal?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Are you sure he wants to get married? No ring, no exact date set, and keeping it on the down low? I'd assume he's just a "boyfriend" until there is some forward movement on his part like purchasing wedding rings or proposing and setting a date.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 September 2012):
yeah if it's just family that's all you have to say...
I think SageOldguy was trying to be funny....
as for your fiance... if he has a valid (in his mind) reason... i"m not sure you can force him to do it...
october is only a few weeks away.... do you sense that he's not going to go through with it?
do you think he's lying about it because he has a bit on the side? or does it just BUG you that' he's not doing the gushing girl thing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I asked him, his response revolves around wanting to tell everyone at work at the next big meeting...whenever that is. He did express not wanting to tell a lot of people because people would be upset that they're not invited. It's family only, so we could just tell all of our friends and co-workers that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 September 2012):
I'm getting married in 3 1/2 weeks and my fiance has STILL not told his family..... (they are not invited to our wedding)
maybe he's just not telling folks because he does not see the need if they are not coming to the wedding and he does not want a big deal made at work....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReally? You think he's keeping his options open until we marry?? If that's true, why would he want to get married in the first place? That makes no sense to me.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2012):
He's holding off, to make sure that he doesn't get a better off before the date of your nuptials....
Yes, it's a "guy thing"... as we like to keep all options open until we're completely (and irreversibly) pinned down!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Maybe because it is a small wedding he doesn't want to tell people he is getting married then have it be awkward when he has to explain they can't come? He's probably trying to avoid it and then just tell them after the wedding that it was a small affair. Plus you said yourself you don't like to make a big deal of things, he probably is the same way. Telling close friends is expected. Maybe he doesn't want to make a deal of it telling all of his coworkers. This is all speculation though. Why not ask him why?
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 No, not a guy thing. But maybe he's a private person and doesn't share personal details with a lot of people. I would assume that you'd know this about him considering you're getting married. Does he usually share more with these people? Talk to him about it, see what he says.
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