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Do I need to show my boyfriend what I like sexually?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been dating a guy for around a month now, met him three times. We slept together on the second time, it felt so natural and things seem to be progressing from there quite steadily. We get on extremely well, feel at ease with each other etc. Only concern is I am not sure if my needs can be met in bed with him, it is like I think I would have to tell him I want a look in.

I know it is early days, but we have been intimate a few times, it just seems he enjoys it very much, I do too but I need more. I am not used to a guy not paying me attention, using his fingers and tongue, I know everyone is different and maybe he needs showing what I like, as just his penis will not make me cum and I told him that.

I know next time I want to get at least some look in and will look at showing him more what I like and taking things into my own hands as it were. I do struggle as it can take me a while so hence why perhaps I haven't pushed for attention for me as I feel it would take too long etc. I just want him to touch me more down there, to use his tongue etc without me having to ask, would love him to just try and pleasure me and think of me before him. Any suggestions? Is it really too early, and maybe he just needs to be shown, perhaps he is used to his last girlfriend cumming easily!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntSadly I am going to vote for lousy selfish lover.

I would by all means have a chat with him about it. But don't be surprised if he says "I don't do that" or he says he will and he does not.

My current husband is the love of my life. he is the WORST lover I have ever had. Thankfully at 55 I'm ok with that. If i was 35 he would no longer be my partner.

Yes a good sex life is that important in a long term relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

Relax. Sex is like wine. It gets better with time. Yeah tell him what you like but don't rush things. With each new encounter, as time passes, you will both feel more comfortable with each other and know more and more what you like. He'll get better and better at pleasing you.

That's just how it is. Often, building up to that point when you've both figured each other out and the sex becomes phenomenal, is part of the thrill of it. It makes the sex even better.

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A male reader, tekni Canada +, writes (30 March 2015):

I suggest you try for climax without penetration, by foreplay. Your best bet is to suggest trying a new position that would allow him easy access for oral intercourse. If you do it in the morning after a shower or mid afternoon when it is bright and the ambient light is good there is every chance for this kind of foreplay to be successful but the woman needs to be fresh and clean. Most marriages suffer from doing it in the evening in the confines of bed and trying to be silent for others at home, as well as being long after dark it is not pleasant in the heat and smell of the confining small space between a woman's legs, especially when men are brought up to treat women as fragile creatures. I think part of the problem is the male cannot see the expressions on his partners face so unless she is unusually vocal there is none of the necessary 'Feedback' to encourage his efforts. I agree it seems selfish and it's all too easy just to satisfy himself but it does take embarrassing time and trouble to be sure of your partners fullest enjoyment so you can only try and keep trying different ways to communicate and inform him exactly what you like and what sounds he might listen for. Some apparent excitement in your voice is often your only means of encouraging a mans efforts. Of course you know being too specific can be like pouring cold water at a bad time. Good luck, loving perseverance will win - eventually. Sad really that so many women give up and go to their male 'masseurs' or lesbian sex workers for some relief. There used to be cheap and excellent orgy clubs that served a need for married couples to work off steam until jealous religious zealot prigs forced them close. A pity because it helped many a couple discover what really turns their cranks. No surprise to me that couples who love and trust each other are not necessarily the best of lovers in the bedroom.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI don't know what a "look in" is.

But yes, IF he is ONLY concerned with his own pleasure you NEED to speak up, not wait for him to MAYBE/PERHAPS/HOPEFULLY get the hint that his PENIS isn't a magic wand - you need more then some in/out...

MAYBE he is NOT used to his last GF cumming easy, MAYBE he is JUST a lousy lover because NO OTHER woman have TOLD him what they want/need.

Personally, I'd start of by "requesting more foreplay".

Don't be SHY about this. If you can have sex, you can TALK about sex.

One thing though, I would go the route of telling him, YOU know I really ENJOY this, and this (describe/show) instead of the.... YOU are not doing this right, YOU need to ...

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