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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Me and my ex were together for 11 years and we had one child together who has a learning disability. I ended the relationship 4 years ago, and will NEVER have him back. My ex is obsessed with me as he still believes that there is a chance that we would get back together, he phones and invites me to dinner, when he sees me he tries to make a pass at me. He doesn’t know where I live, as I drop off my son at his house or meet him at my son’s school. Like I said I would NEVER go there, he repulses me. The only reason that I stay in touch is for my son who has Asperger’s syndrome and loves his dad and if I break up this connection it would hurt him. I have chosen to stay single over the 4 years as I need to attend to my sons needs and I feel my ex is holding on to hope that I am waiting for him (no chance!) I am very cold with my ex, I only text to communicate about my son and don’t give off any signs that I have any intention to get back with him, if it wasn’t for my son he my ex would be finished completely in every way to me. The problem now is that I can see his obsessive behaviour is never going to change, do I cut him off completely from my son’s life or do you think there is a way around this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the delay and thank you very much for your insights, in a way it’s good to know that it happens to others as dealing with this situation seems ludicrous. I like the point that if I tolerate issues regarding my son’s disabilities, this can be seen as another thing to tolerance. I can’t believe how the frustrations of the relationship, then the break up weren’t enough; this is like a life sentence!! Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): There is no chance in hell that cutting him off completely is an option. OP your son has aspergers I'm sure there are a hell of a lot of things you have to tolerate and sacrifice as his mother, well this is just one of those things you have to tolerate in order to raise him well and happy.
You really can't do anything more than you already have, the only thing that will change this is when you actually move on with another guy. I mean for 4 years you haven't moved on so he has no reason to think you're not still mad about him but playing hard to get. Yeah I know, the coldness, the avoidance, the seething bitterness towards him for 4 years should be enough but obviously he doesn't think so.
OP you find someone who hasn't had some major issues with father/mother of their child who is also an ex and I'll call the newspapers and say we found one because pretty much everyone has. I have one friend her ex is a major asshole, always playing games the kind of asshole that wouldn't even go to his daughters first day at school because he wanted his new girlfriend to be the one who dresses her in the morning and for the two of them to take her and meet the mother at the school, you know? Crazy petty crap like that. You he actually his own "first day at school" then a different day because he was so bitter that his daughters mother wanted to be the one who got her ready and take her for her first day. She even invited him over to be there in the morning to do it all with them.
The point of my long winded story is this OP, he will always be present in your life, so long as he's always a good dad. Now his obsessive behaviour seems more of a nuisance than something that is dangerous so just keep blowing him off, he will get the message eventually and meet some other woman, or you may meet another guy and that will be that.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 I think you are doing everything you can do to let your ex know that you have moved on.
If you feel that his behaviour is getting threatening or sinister then you need to maybe log the complaint with the police so at least there is something on record if he begins to harrass you.
It's good that he doesn't know where you live and probably best to keep it that way. Your single status is probably giving him the wrong impression, but he needs to realise that this is your choice and it does not mean you want to go back.
I don't really see a reason for you to cut off his parental contact because he hasn't really done anything wrong has he? but keep an eye on his behaviour and just keep your distance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): Got the Tshirt, he has never remarried either. I did eventually move on to a new relationship 3 or 4 yrs later and still it continued.He was sure I would go back one day,I never gave that impression in any way.Did just as you do in fact.My ex found out where I lived and then again when I moved,but my new partner curtailed his visits.
I didn't at any point stop his contact with the children though, it wasn't their fault or problem.Sometimes I wish I had as they ended up when older as piggy in the middle sometimes.
All you can do is carry on exactly as you are and hope he gets the message eventually.I am not saying its easy,its not,just live your life and dont let him spoil it.
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