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My ex hates me because I said hi and his girlfriend didn't like it?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 September 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 September 2013)
A female Canada age 26-29, *ri_sunshine writes:

Hi all, I just need to get a bit of a rant out of my system. So I dated one guy for about two and a half years and we eventually broke up, nothing harsh really just the fact that we didn't get along as well anymore, and we remained acquaintances though not close friends. He got together with another girl right after we broke up and he was the first guy to honestly "break my heart", and it was an agonizing few months but I eventually moved on as well.

Over the summer he told me we couldn't talk anymore (we did very occasionally) because his girlfriend didn't like it. I complied with this and didn't talk to him like he wanted. He texted me several times during that time when he was upset and seemed to miss me and be very unhappy with his life and girlfriend but I simply comforted him briefly and then let it go.

Now we attend the same university. I passed him once in the hall when he was with his girlfriend and I said "Hi" to avoid the awkward avoidance of eye contact. Apparently his girlfriend refused to talk to him for the whole week because of this and they almost broke up over it- he was very angry at me and bombarded me with texts saying how awful I am. I ignored him and didn't try to talk to him again.

Recently, I passed him again when he was alone and smiled at him (because again, it becomes so awkward when you avoid each other's gaze) and he came running after me thirty seconds later, grabbed me and said "Don't talk to me." Then he texted me, BOMBARDING me with texts about how I need to "leave him the f alone" and how he "f'ing hates me" and how I need to "stop f'ing talking to his friends and him and don't even f'ing look at me". I am COMPLETELY at a loss for what I EVER did wrong. While I'm completely over him, it obviously doesn't feel good to have someone hate you this deeply over nothing. I can't stand it when people hate me, especially when he is blaming me for his lack of happiness in life while I simply said hi one day.

I guess my question is, did I do anything wrong after all and do I just leave it be?

View related questions: broke up, text, university

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 September 2013):

Honeypie agony auntYOU did nothing wrong. He can't accept that his current relationship isn't working, and guess what instead of trying to fix it he is pointing at you saying it's all your fault. How the heck is that YOUR fault?

He is unhappy and has an insecure GF who think you are ALL about "stealing him back". YOU are not to blame for his unhappy relationship. THAT is on him. My guess is, she found out he was STILL talking to you after she DEMANDED he couldn't talk to you no more. And instead of owning it up, he probably told her that YOU wouldn't leave him alone. So don't be too mad at her, you have no idea what kind of nonsense he has filled her head with about you.

KEEP ignoring him, block his number if you can ( some phone have a free app for that so check out your phone).

And then every time you see him just DO whatever you are doing, you do NOT need to behave a certain way because HE wants you to or because his GF wants you to. And you can say HI to anyone you want. If you don't want to say hi to him anymore then don't, be next time.. I would tell him to go kick rocks. Stop beating yourself up over this and start to tell yourself that it doesn't matter HOW he feels about you, he is just some moron you used to date.

And last but not least, DO NOT take him back when they break up, because I suspect he would try and worm his way back in your life when they break up.

You really dodged a bullet with this guy, he is a total asshat.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (19 September 2013):

Aunty BimBim agony auntNext time he is somewhere with his girlfriend pretend he isn't there and say hello to her, in a bright and cheery, sing song voice, instead .... and just keep walking.

His behaviour demonstrates clearly you have had a lucky escape, it also shows he is not happy or comfortable with where his life is at right now, and he is trying to shift the blame for that onto you.

Let it roll off your shoulders like water from a duck's back.

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