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My ex boyfriend now claims he wants to be friends but I don't

Tagged as: Faded love, Friends, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 April 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago but at school he always stares at me and i'm trying to get over him but it's impossible bcoz he told me that he lied to me so many times and i dont rlly know how to handle it.

what should i do? he said we should be friends but i don't want to be friends i just wanna live without him now its better for me and my friends.

View related questions: broke up

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (19 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntjust because HE wants something does not mean you have to give it to him.

That applies to EVERYTHING in life... you have choices...

so you say "no I'm sorry we broke up and I don't want to talk to you any more" and you delete and block his phone number if you can

no facebook

no email

are you really 22-25?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013):

Your boyfriend doesn't really want to be friends, he thinks it would be more convenient than just dumping you altogether. He's offering you a longer leash.

Friendship allows him to date other people, and have you waiting on the sidelines when the dating well dries up. Meanwhile, he figures you're given time to get over the fact he lied to you. Then he can always dip into the well, when you're feeling vulnerable and sentimental. Sounds like he's forgiven himself for his own sins, and offering you the privilege to stick around with his permission.

He can also keep track of who you're dating and lay a little guilt on you when necessary. Liars make lousy friends. He'll just be the ex who shows up at the most inopportune moments, making it awkward when you're with other men.

The guy's a tool. Choose your friends wisely. Cut the leash and dash.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 April 2013):

Honeypie agony auntYou don't HAVE to be friends with him because you used to date. If you DO NOT want to be friends just ell him that and stick to it!

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (19 April 2013):

You're going to have to stand firm and tell him that you have no interest in being friends with him or anything else for that matter.

Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you're still trying to get over him. Also, there's no reason to tell him you don't want to be friends because he's a liar, etc, as he'll likely start arguing with you.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (19 April 2013):

YouWish agony auntYou're right. If he broke up with you, then things are over. He lied to you? Why would you even permit yourself to be even friends with a liar? The answer is you wouldn't.

Pick your friends with integrity who would be honest and loyal. If he's an ex and he's still hanging around with you, it would impede your ability to find someone new, both from a heart standpoint (it would hinder the "getting over" process), and from a baggage standpoint (what guy wants to be with a girl who is still hanging around an ex? As sure as you don't want to date a guy who's still close with an ex-girlfriend).

Best to drop the guy for good. He lies, has admitted it, so he's not relationship nor friendship material. Find a truthful guy, and honest friends.

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