A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago, and we still live together. A week ago before bed she asked me for a hug so I gave her a hug and she ended up holding me for a long time and cried a little saying she was confused and wasnt sure what to do.The next day she did the same except she came into my room, started talking to me and then asked if she could sit on my lap, I said sure and she sat in it facing me. She then hugged me again and cried a little. Then when she stopped we talked a little and then made out for a couple minutes. She then stopped and said she was confused, again. Then later that night she said she was going to study and then asked if I wanted my door closed, I said sure, so she stepped in, closed the door behind her and then came and kissed me then left.The next day, I tried to kiss her and she said she was confused and not sure what to do and that I shouldnt, so I didnt. I've been taking advice from my friend and he thinks I should try and move on and she will come back to me, from his experience from an extremely similar situation. Play it cool, try and move on, let her come to me, etc.So i've been playing it cool all week, she flirts with me, pats my butt a lot, leans on me and stuff like that. I've ignored my impulses to make a move but that failed me a couple days ago. I was sitting on my bed and she was sitting behind me leaning on me, I spun around and made a move, we made out and I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she said yes, shes not sure what she wants and she is confused, and she doesnt want to hurt me, she said she wouldnt hold making a move against me. I dont understand why she flip flops so much one weeks shes on me, and I make a move and get rejected. She comes to me just to tell me shes confused, makes me think she cares.My friend keeps giving me the same advice, move on, if you cant do that pretend you dont care, and worry about yourself.She makes dinner for me and lunch for me when I go to work; she offers to buy me food and does even if I tell her I dont want anything.What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell now that I have found out that she is dating another guy and hes already telling her he loves her and she is being all flirty with him, and apparently they might already be physically sexual. I resulted in calling her dad who I have been talking to alot since the breakup.
He thinks I should just completly ignore her, ignore her texts, calls, and try not to talk to her. Which is what I have been doing, but she doesnt seem to get that when she talks to me and I always answer with one word or less, its not a good sign. He also thinks I should tell her that 'im done playing games with her and that I feel shes been jerking me back and forth, claiming shes confused and im just gonna move on.'
I need opinions on what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): i am so very sorry that she has been teasing you and playing games. You sound such a nice caring guy. She does not seem to have the emotional intelligence to choose the nicest guy, that's you!Another girl whos Has developed more emotional intelligence will be delighted with you. You are reliable and kind.Start dating. Or better still get a puppy, pour all your energy into giving ittraining. And when you do go walking in the park with your new puppy you will find girls will naturally use your puppy to start up a conversation.But, sad as it is for your ex, she has wasted too much of your time with lies and duplicity.If SHE can't handle the breakup tell her to get some much needed counselling, but don't you allow yourself to be used as the shoulder to cry on anymore.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (19 December 2011):
 I'm really sorry to hear that. Try your best to move on and focus on you. She was being dishonest and insincere with you. She doesn't deserve you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I found out she is already in a relationship with someone else by snooping. this sucks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with the first response and the second. Trust me she does, she'll walk around in a shirt and underwear and sometimes in a bathrobe. she'll compliment me and say im cute or sexy and other things along that line, but like the second response, im being pulled around alot and when I make a move , I am the one thats wrong and she is still confused.
But I guess wait is all I can do. Its just hard I guess.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (18 December 2011):
She sounds rather wishy-washy. She has had two months to think about this situation and decide. If her mind is still not made up, I am afraid to say this, but I don't think her feelings are all that deep and serious. She likely is just fighting impulses that she feels from seeing you frequently.
I think you should move on. It isn't fair to be tugged in every direction like she is doing to you. If you can, I would find new residence. Limiting contact will show you her true feelings, which like I said I don't think are really there, and allow you to actually make some progress in moving on and focusing on yourself.
It's hard, but try to do what you think will be best for you in the long run. Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): I guess you just have to trust that time and patience will allow her to realise her feelings for you are real and that your feelings for her are real. She seems troubled, but at least she is still with you. And she is still seeking you out. But don't push her away ever. And don't lie to her ever. Just be honest with her. She continues to do nice things for you. That's a good sign. And if you can also allow her to do good things for you and say thank you. And if you can occasionally try to do good things for her then slowly the re-connection can be rebuilt. And do occasionally flirt with her. Say nice things to her. She is probably very confused. But it seems to me that you are rebuilding a connection very slowly in a very mature way. That means that only Patience is required now before she finally sees the light. Just keep doing all the good things you are doing. Don't ever try to make her jealous. Just be there for her and for you.If you can do her any favors just ask her casually, if it would be OK for you to do that, ot go somewhere together, as if it is normal and casual and OK. I do not know why she is confused or needs extra support or is hesitant. But she has her reasons. Respect that. But be very thankful that she still trusts you enough and wants to be with her. If she really did not like you she could not trust you to the extent that she obviously does trust you
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