A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I have had this problem since around age 12 I am 15 now. I do not like my dad touching me as he holds me like my bf on my hips want to hum him plevis to pelvis. He use to be worse by sometimes just opening the shower curtain on me and making remarks about my body. He doesnt do this anymore as I have told my mom it makes me uncomfortable. He continues the first two things and massing my back and touching it when he comes in my room while im working on the computer. I have told some friends but I finally spoke up to my mom and it has settled but he still seems to have the eye on me. My mom says not to worry he is an artist and that is how is mind works but i am still uncomfortable.On top of that not letting him he gets all mad and throws a tantrum it is seriously taking a toll on me and I dont know what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): ur mother is not doing the right thing, she should do much moe than that.
Your father may have mental prblems? does he or anything like that?
If it go's any furth u may need to inform the police.
I hope this helps
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): This is clearly not right. If your mother does not understand, you need to go toa relative. There is many more good people in the world then there is bad, You Will Never Walk Alone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): This is not appropriate behavior. Father's know their boundaries, and he obviously does not. This is sexual harrasment. He needs to stop. He needs to know it's inappropriate. I would tell you mother that if he does not stop you are going to the authorities. Your mother should be more sensitive to your needs. It has nothing to do with him being an artist. He is a pervert, period. It is not going to go away unless you something about it. If he were my husband I would ask him to leave the house unless he got counseling and changed his behavior. This is not normal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): I am really sorry but that is plain wrong.
Dads can hug and kiss on cheak but feeling you up. You need to have a big talk with him. If he carrys on talk to your mum again see if that works but if it doesnt go to the police
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (30 April 2007):
Hey there, tell me how you are? I am concerned and have wondered how you are? Please let me know if I can help in anyway? Please don't disappear, that isn't the answer.
Please let us help you. You can reply to me privately if needed. Take care, xoxo
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (18 April 2007):
Hey there, What's been happenening? Worried about you. You tell us and let us know if we can help you even make contact with someone because you can't.
Please let us know how you are doing, you are special to us all.
Pork Hock
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A
female
reader, mrsgreen  +, writes (16 April 2007):
 Hello honey,
I'm with Baileyj on this one.. try and talk to a family memeber about this.. This really is not right.. if you can't talk to a family member go to someone at school or better still go to the police.
You should keep a diary and write everything in it. The date, time and place and what he has done to you. I hope you understand that this is very inappropiate behaviour for an adult don't mind your father! you should feel comfortable in your own home and have parents who make you feel secure in this home. Have you spoke to any of your close friends about this?? I'm sure they will agree that their father does not treat them this way.
I wish you loads of love honey and keep your head up high. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.XXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): Don't be afraid to speak up. If you continue to let this happen, your only setting your self to be hurt for the rest of your life. I work as a caseworker in the mental health field with women that went through the same. They also never spoke up until the got older, and now they suffer with major depression. I have a family member that did the same; I finally spoke up to them also. So I know what kind of damage it does and the insecurity it creates. You have to be strong and tell him on the spot to keep his hands to himself, if this continues you need to speak to a school councilor. Don't be afraid, again, if you let this continue you are setting yourself up for insecurity. There is no excuses for your father to be doing this. I continue to work in the mental health field, so I know what appropriate and not appropriate.
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (15 April 2007):
I have a little girl of 5 and if this man did this to her without question I would make his life totally miserable. He is invading your innocence and taking it away. I am 33 years old and have a wonderful relationship with my Dad. I've never ever felt uncomfortable with him and I absolutely adore him. This man has overstepped the mark and don't listen to rhythmandblues email. This man is pathetic, this is no relationship with a child or partner where they are terrified or uncomfortable. Tell your teacher immediately...consequences in your life could change but this man cannot control you. You are a human being, don't put up with this...and your mother should be protecting you. Tell your teacher...you are strong. Do the right thing before he hurts someone else. You are better than him every day, he has no soul.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): Get away from this man, even if he is your Dad. He is unwell and you are better than this. Get a lock and chain on your door, work hard at school and get out of there as fast as possible.
He has NO right at all, no one does to do this. He is a pathetic man who has no control. You do everything you can to humilate and take over the control from him. He doesn't own you. See the movie or read the book Sleepers or the Count of Monte Cristo, I great story about dealing with horrible stuff and getting revenge. Your Dad doesn't deserve you. I was raped at 17 and the man is dead now by his own hand. I have a wonderful Dad and I am 33 now. You are better and you can be strong to see yourself way more important than him. He is pathetic that he needs to control children to feel important, stick at school, tell a teacher whats going on, you don't deserve this treatment. You wouldn't let it happen to your children would you? You might feel like life is shit but you aren't destroyed. Go tell someone and don't be ashamed, you are a great person if you do, otherwise you will be like me always feeling ashamed, you don't need a Dad, you have the support of a million people, me included, absolutely. You will never walk alone, never.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): Yo, dude from Scotland here. get out of there!!!! sure he's you're dad and everything but i could understand u being there if u enjoyed it. but u dont. call the bloody police and your mum , im sorry, but she deserves a slap. no offense to her!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): i don't care WHAT your mother says call the police
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): if you dont talk to hum he will never know how you fell abot it he has ben reading alot of stories about incest on the inernet so talk to him about the way it is
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A
female
reader, Bailey J  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Hello Sweetie,
Is there no one else in your family like a grandmother or aunty you can speak to about this? Your Dad should understand that you are becoming a woman now and this behaviour is NOT acceptable. If you can’t get through to your Dad and your Mum doesn’t see then speak with another member of your family… if all else fails then you need to speak with a teacher perhaps. If your truly uncomfortable and your parents wont listen you need to speak with another adult, so this behaviour STOPS.
Please don’t be scared, you are NOT doing anything wrong!!! Please speak some one who can help!!!
Take Care
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Hi,
Firstly, In think your Mum is not taking this seriously at all. What kind of a relationship did she have with her father to think this is normal behaviour. And you say she thinks this is because he is artistic. Alarm bells are ringing here, and i think she knows exactly what he is doing is wrong. She should be protecting you from him, not making excuses, for him.
I know you must be scared that it will upset your family life, but what is the alternative. Should you just let him carry on, hoping he will tire of doing this to you. NO I DONT BELIEVE YOU SHOULD.
If all this is really true, and I am sure you wouldn't lie. Tell him in front of your MUM, this is not appropriate behavior and you are getting stressed at how uncomfortable he is making you feel. If they say you are being silly and taking his advances the wrong way, dont argue with them, but tell them they should still stop.
DO NOT put up with this. If nothing changes, you will need to take drastic action. But you are well within your rights to complain. XXX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Obviously a very sensitive situation, you have to be careful not to read too much into it, however it is imperative that you protect yourself at all costs.I think the advise to keep your mum informed, stand your ground and document if nescesssary (keep well hidden however if you do as this could cause fireworks if a diary was discovered).If gets out of hand you must report - poss your Doctor as this would be confidential
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A
male
reader, DrCynic +, writes (12 April 2007):
 *Loud Whisper*
CALL THE POLICE!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): I am not sure what is going on here as you aren't specific about what age you were when he was opening the shower curtain or what comments he was making, or if the tight pelvis to pelvis hugging has now stopped or when.
It all sounds inappropriate, but perhaps your Dad is also just not ready to see that you are now a young woman and need to have those boundaries in place where he does not touch you in those ways....massaging your back at the computer sounds like a fatherly touch of affection, and that would not creep me out, but you are so sensitized to any touch from him that you are probably recoiling and you told him you did not like it, so he got upset and threw a tantrum....it really does sound like he does not want to lose his little girl.....he may have been touched inappropriately in his family of origin and has just not learned to set healthy boundaries....I don't know if I would classify him as a pedophile or a pervert as some of the other posters here, as he has not actually tried to do anything beyond the touches.....in the last three years that you have noticed this strange behavior.
I would ask your mother if you could all get some family counseling together, as this is really a family issue, your mom is in the middle and you are very uncomfortable with your relationship with your father and that is not good at all. I hope you will get this counseling and you can get this all straightened out, and set some boundaries for your family relationships....so that you can have a healthy dymamic between you and your father.
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A
male
reader, Kody +, writes (12 April 2007):
To you
That is a weird thing anf I think it is immoral and against everythinh I stand for. You should confront him an tell him how you feel and if things get worse you should get ahold of police
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (12 April 2007):
 You do need to tell someone, but be careful about whom you tell. Teachers are required by law to report what you tell them (even in confidence) to the police. But if this continues, it is possible that that's the best.
The only other thing I can think of is to sit down with your father (your mother should be there too) and calmly tell him that he's making you uncomfortable. When he protests (and he will -- he may say that you're making too much of this) know that you have a right to your feelings.
Become a broken record, and continue to say that the way he touches you and looks at you makes you very uncomfortable. (Use "I" statements: "I feel uncomfortable when you...") Just keep saying that it makes you uncomfortable when he says that "You shouldn't feel that way." Know that you're right, and he's wrong.
Above all, remain calm. Take deep breaths. If you stay calm in the face of his tantrums, he looks rediculous and your mother should see that.
You have a right to feel the way you feel. His behavior needs to stop. You're getting much too old for him to ignore your feelings in this way.
If his behavoir does continue after this, I would definately tell a trusted teacher -- knowing that Child Protective Services will be knocking on your door.
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A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Hmm this could be a very fragile situation. Is your mother present when these things happen?
Tell your mother every time he does something that you believe to be improper and really let her know that you are uncomfortable with it. Perhaps since your mom has this belief that he is an "artist and that's what he does" she doesn't realise the effect it is having on you. It might be a good idea, as ChiRaven said, to try and get your mom to convince your father to go into a counselling service.
If he continues to do things that are uncomfortable, tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not going to tolerate this behaviour. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected and that if it continues you may have to resort to reporting it. It's important to nip this in the bud if it is a problem otherwise it can seriously affect you emotionally later on in life. In an extreme circumstance, only an extreme circumstance, inform social workers or your teacher/counsellor. I really hope your situation improves.
ZIM
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): hi, firstly it isnt right that a father should touch his daughter in this way and he should respect your wishes and you as a young lady growing into woman.i believe it could be a form of sexual abuse and should be reported,i say confide in a teacher or someone not close to home and see if they consider it to be sexual abuse,im not an expert on these matters and cant give the answers regarding the law side of things
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): tell the police he aint no artist he is a pervert, he might get worse if u dont do nothing bout it. too many people are quiet cos they are scared but u sound brave so please tell the police. ur mum is an idiot 4 sayin wat she did
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (12 April 2007):
 You are walking a very fine line here, as is your father. He's straying dangerously close to territory that is VERY forbidden.
Keep up the communication with your Mom, and continue to let her know that you are still uncomfortable with your father's attention. If there are any specific instances of improper behavior on his part, tell her at once and tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate it at all. Try to get her to agree to get him into some kind of a counseling program or something.
In the extreme, if inappropriate behavior continues, document it privately (dates times, what actually happened) and be ready to take it to a counselor at school or someone else who can see that you get relief. This is a very drastic step, and could result in the breakup of your family, so try everything else first; but don't let yourself be abused. That can leave you with emotional scars that will be with you for the rest of your life.
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