A
female
age
41-50,
*edbutterfly420
writes:Well here goes I guess. The guy I am seeing is perfect for me. I know he feels the same about me. So our problem is his 16 year old son and his ex. She has sent me facebook messages saying she wishes us the best, but then argues about me all the time to him. I met his kids and his son said I was stunning, and very nice. His son is very bright, smart and handsome, apparently though he has a disorder of being overly sensitive. I am fine to cater to that, unless it hurts me. I have a feeling his ex manipulated my bf alot through their kids, their marriage was rough and she was not very sweet, so to speak. Apparently the sons over sensitive disorder could make him fall into depression and the disorder runs through her family and she had an uncle commit suicide cause of it.So, I know people like to play on these disorders so could the ex be doing that? He told his ex my first and last name, and she facebooked me, and then showed her overly sensitive son my page, not realizing that they were doing that at all, I changed my pic to one of me kissing his cheek, it was innocent and someone didnt like it, his son calls him crying and says dad please ask her to remove it, it hurts.Let's not forget that the parents have not been together for 2 years. His wife left him for the personal trainer, and was the one that wanted the divorce. My ex hurt bad over this for a while, I know I've made him feel loved, and "alive" again so to speak.So the kid doesnt like my pic, so I change it, So I put one of my modelling pics up, a pic I've had up many many times on my facebook and even my family has not complained. So now the son is calling dad crying because he doesnt like my new pic. Can I please now change it to something not so provocative..so ok I do. These people are not on my facebook, they are just looking at my profile, that noone can see into it, so pretty much just my pic. So ok, months ago, before his kids or ex even knew about me, I joined a group on facebook, Hot Dutch men appreciation society..just full of sexy dutch men, and girls who love them, yes my bf is dutch..So recently decided to put a pic up on it, and also a little slogan saying I love my dutch bf. Guess what, the kid calls dad crying, dad please have her remove it...how did he know I was even in that group? Because of googling my name and google cacheing stuff Ive posted on. So my questions...Why is the kid constantly googling me, on my page, and crying about his dad's happiness? Why did the ex..who knows her son is overly sensitive, introduce him to my page on facebook..if she knows how he reacts? Is the kid really over reacting..or is the mom putting this stuff in him? The mom is not with her personal trainer bf anymore, and she is lonely and bored, I think she thought her ex would be single for life. I can't see why the son would be so bothered by me, his parents were not together for 2 years before I came along. Why is my bf agreeing with his son asking me to change pics instead of telling his son to mind his business and if you dont like it don't look?? I said so your son is looking at things that make him want to hurt himself, why are you giving him internet access?? Or again, would mom be doing all this, and instilling this in him? Also the ex wrote me and said the son is worried he's going to be replaced by me and it's upsetting him, also that they are upset because they felt bad for him because they thought he was lonely, and sad, and didn't know he had a gf for 6 months. Well if you didnt know about me and we were together for 6 months, and it didnt change your relationship when you didnt know about me, why would it change now that you do know about me? I know she wore the pants in the family, its obvious, she will call him and complain to him that my facebook bothers their kid, she makes this big deal out of it, and I hear in his voice a sort of "afraid" to stand up for him self sense..like he feels the need to explain him self and justify me. I recently went to Spain for a few weeks and when I was gone my bf told me that she was calling, arguing about stuff that he did or didn't do in their relationship..I just dont get it, why is she not finished with him if she divorced him 2 years ago??
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Obviously, your boyfriend’s son is struggling to accept that his father has a new woman in his life. This is to be expected. This boy suffers from some sort of sensitivity disorder which is making an already difficult situation for him, even more stressful. I would encourage you to research his disorder, so you will have a better understanding of what he is going through. Kids are all over the internet these days… so it doesn’t surprise me that he looked you up.
I imagine the ex and her teenage son just wanted to look at your page and find out more about you… out of curiosity. The mother probably mentioned that you had a facebook page, and he wanted to see it too. Unfortunately, at that same time, you put a pic up of yourself kissing your boyfriend. Bad timing. As for your modeling pic, I’m not sure what kind of modeling pic you put up… I’ve certainly seen plenty of racy modeling pics. Without seeing the pic, I can’t really tell you whether or not it was in good taste. You claim your family doesn’t mind it. Yes, but you’re a grown woman, it’s not like they are going to tell you what to do. To be on the safe side, just put up a generic pic of yourself. That should solve your Facebook problem.
As for the ex wife, I doubt she would do anything to purposely upset her child… especially when her own uncle had the same disorder as her son, and he committed suicide.
Your boyfriend’s first priority is to his children. That is something you will need to accept. The worst thing you can do is try to come between him and his children. Right now, your boyfriend is trying to keep with peace between you and his family. I imagine this is not easy for him.
From what you’ve written, I get the impression that you and the ex are having a hard time with this. Obviously, there’s a bit of jealousy on both sides. The best thing you can do is remain cordial with the ex, and try not to cause waves. Your boyfriend will be grateful for this, and it will serve to bring you two closer. I understand this is not going to be easy, but it’s the best thing you can do if you want this relationship to move forward.
I would be interested in hearing how things progress, so please keep us updated. Stay positive! Good luck!
A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Its not your job to control this boys disorder. Its his. He's big enough now to know what bothers him and he should avoid thing that might bother him. that how people manage disorders. If a 16 year old is alergic to peanuts they know to stay away from peanut butter. If a 16 year old is a diabetic they know what types of food to eat and what to avoid.
It sounds like ur husband might be allowing his ex to manipulate him. And he should stop allowing that. And he should have a talk with his son about responsibilitys. Because his son needs to be responsible for his disorder. Does he realize that in his life time that there will be many many people who will not be understandin of his disorder so he needs to manage it himself instead of relyingon people tip toe atone him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Your facebook is your facebook and you don't have to change your pic...and yes they are messing up your relation...don't let them do that. Talk straight with your bf let see your side.
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