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My boyfriend would rather satisfy himself with a rubber vagina than have sex with me!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, *londie55girl writes:

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 and a half years this last month I've had to beg him to have sex with me when he's drunk he will have sex with me but other then that I have to beg him an the other night I was cleaning out his closet when I found a runner vaginia he said he bought it the night I went to my moms to stay but that same night before left I asked him to have sex with me an he refused too an I'm not going to force it on him so I just said ok an I'm not an ugly girl nor an I fat an I don't think my vaginia has anything wrong with it I've only ever slept with three people I don't consider myself being a whore I just don't understand why he would rather fuck a rubber vaginia instead of me when I'm asking for it I don't understand I have been crying all last night An this morning becuase I don't understand it an I really want to An when I asked him about it he says it's just stress but why can't he take it out on my pussy instead of a rubber one I just don't understand an I'm starting to think it's time for me to leave idk let me know your opinions but he feels I am over reacting an says at least he didn't cheat on me witch I have a giant box of sex toys so idk why he felt the need to hide this from me an not tell me either

View related questions: drunk, sex toy, vagina

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIf he is refusing to work on your sex life then it might mean the relationship is over between you guys. Taking the sex toy to one side, it is not a good sign when he will only have sex with you when he is drunk. If he is not willing to work on this then I would end things and leave. It is not fair on you to carry on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017):

Leave. Unless he is having an erectile dysfunction it sounds like the passion is gone. He should want to please you rather he wants to have sex not. Your issues are not just sexual.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2017):

He probably always had a rubber vagina as a toy.

He progressed from rubber dummy ,to rubber pants to rubber vagina.

Now you cant ask a guy to part with his next best friend can you?

He likes rubber vagina because it doesnt complain, or eat out or drink wine.

Rubber- vagina has no opinions and cant cry and rubber vagina always feels the same about him!

Why you bother about him is the odd thing.

He loves his boxed vagina so walk out on him and find a man who likes the real thing!

It is your ticket to letting him go and he can explain it all to rubber vagina one wet day.

Meanwhile you can explain to your new guy how your ex was a fetish freak and how he became very very boring to you.

If you feel a sense of compassion send him a load of rubber bands.

It makes the eyes water to think what he will do with them , but at least rubbervagina will cease feeling lonely in her closet.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2017):

Hmmm.

That is a tough one.

Here is what to do.

Six years is a long time without giving him a chance to explain himself and try to make things right. And by making things right, it means tossing plastic pussy out the window for good. That is step one.

You need to have an honest, open talk with him about this. Both of you need to air our your feelings and really TALK about the state of your relationship. Because at this point, it is at stake. It is on the chopping block. Unless and until you address what the underlying problems are. Clearly there ARE problems or he would not have alienated you physically and emotionally and entertained himself with a piece of plastic. I would be incredibly insulted and depressed about that too. I mean, here you are a real life vibrant and passionate woman who is always ready for him and this is what he does? Yes, it hurts. Badly. Talk about feeling rejected, unwanted and unloved. Why would you stay with a man like that? Because you LOVE him. I get it. But there comes a time when love is not enough. And if somebody checks out on you, there is nothing you can do but walk away. Yes, it breaks your heart. But it is better than staying with somebody who doesn't care.

So, sweetie, do not feel bad. Relationships are challenging and do not always go as planned. But you are here knowing that your relationship has taken a turn and are looking for help. You are justified in seeking help. You are right.

I do believe you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. See if he is willing to change. To see if he becomes intimate with you again. Give him time. See if he slowly breaks out of this habit and comes back to you. But remember there is only so much time. If he cannot do it, then you know what you need to do.

It is difficult, I know. All you want is to be loved by him and to make him happy. I am sure he would feel like shit if you opted for a dildo twice the size of his penis to take care of yourself!

All you can do is talk it out and see if he is willing to fix things. If he is, work with him. And give him a little time to see if his words match his actions. If he can't or won't, well sweetie, can you live the rest of your life feeling unloved and having your sexual desires unmet?

There IS a man out there who will want to have sex with you and will LOVE it.

Never settle. Never sell yourself short.

Life is too short to be anything but HAPPY.

Good luck xo

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A female reader, like I see it United States + , writes (18 March 2017):

like I see it agony auntI'm sorry to hear you're hurting over this.

Some additional information about your relationship would be very helpful.

First, are you sure this wasn't just an impulse buy on his part when you two hit a rough spot, as he explained it to be? Is he using it on a regular basis instead of sex with you or are you just assuming that he is? Have you actually seen or heard him doing it? You mentioned he is stressed but it's not clear from your wording whether he used stress as an explanation for using the toy or as an explanation for why his libido is low, and those are two different situations to which different advice would apply. What is he stressed about?

How does your partner feel about your "giant box of sex toys"? Any chance he feels threatened or resentful because you have them? Did you buy them after he stopped wanting to have sex with you, or have you been using them all along throughout your 6-year relationship? I ask because there's nothing wrong with sex toys but if you've been using them all along, it's a bit unfair to be angry with your partner for owning one now too. I can see why he might tell you you are overreacting to be mad that he has one of his own.

Lastly, it would be useful to know if he's had any libido or erection problems in the bedroom before, either recently or previously. It may be that his aversion to partnered sex at the moment is due to anxiety that he's not going to perform well because of stress or whatever else is on his mind. It sounds like you have the higher libido in the relationship and he may be afraid of falling short of your expectations, in which case constantly begging him for sex is going to stress him out further rather than help him feel in the mood.

Everyone is different, but I would not personally throw away a six-year relationship over a month of low libido from an admittedly stressed partner. In your shoes I'd give him a chance to get through whatever is stressing him and see if his desire also recovers.

Any more background information you are willing to share about this would help paint a clearer picture of what might be going on here.

Best wishes!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017):

You are not over reacting. Time to leave and it's not just about his addiction to a fake vagina. It's also about his drinking. Do not waste your youth, time and energy on this guy any longer. Six years is a long time to be with someone, but you will get over him. After the hurt and grieving is done you'll feel as if you are breathing fresh air and be able to live a normal life, find someone who appreciates you and is able to satisfy your needs.

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