A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf hasnt said once nice word to me in the past 5 months. He is verbally very abusive, always belittles me, never calls me, if i get lucky he might pick up my calls once in 2 days may be and that call might not last more than 10 mins. BTW i wont call more than once a day. Never responds to any of my texts, emails. Bottom line he doesnt care about me at all. I know i have to stop calling him, i dont know how to do it. I call him at my weak moment and then get verbally abused. How do i move on, all my friends tell me never to talk to him ever again and he is bad news. But i couldnt go through with it. I hadnt call him for the past 2 days, but i dont know how long i can hold on. What is wrong with me.Please help me
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 Sorry, I think that I misunderstood your original question a bit, it sort of sounded like you were stalking him. I apologise.
OK, so you have a history with him and it's natural that you would want to speak to him, but I still stand by most of what I said. Why would you want to stay with someone who is so mean to you all the time? You say he hasn't been nice to you for 6 months, that must be horrible for you. What are you getting out of this relationship other than abuse?
Did something happen 6 months ago for him to change? If something is going on in his life then maybe HE needs to see a professional and work things out. But even if he changed and was nice again, could you really forgive him for 6 months of verbal abuse? Surely you deserve better than that.
I think you should stop calling him every day. It's obviously not helping matters and is making you feel worse about yourself. Focus on your work and doing things by yourself or with friends if you know people in your current city. When you get back to your city you can see him break up with him if that's what you need to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
I am the OP. A little update, we were dating for the past 3 years, i moved to a different city cause of work, will be back in a a month. He is being mean, rude and verbally abusive to me the past 6 months, i tried everything to please him, nothing works anymore. I took this working @ client place oppurtunity, thought he would hv wanted some space, that backfired too.
...............................
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (5 May 2013):
From what I understand, you call him every day and write him emails and text messages. He doesn't reply to these and he only picks up the phone sometimes and when he does, he verbally abuses you. I'm sorry to be harsh, but it's no wonder. I wouldn't like it if someone was constantly harassing me either, the difference being that I would ignore the calls rather than pick up and say mean things.
Unless you have left something out or I have missed something, you are clearly not in a relationship with him. When was the last time you saw him? Have you actually seen him in the last five months? You say he is your boyfriend but if someone asked him, would he say that you were his girlfriend? I highly doubt it. He does not want to hear from you. He is not your boyfriend. He is not interested in a relationship. And even if he were, why would you want to be with someone who is so mean?
In fact, this is an important question for you to ask yourself. Why are you clinging so hard to someone who treats you badly and doesn't care if you live or die? What do you get from it, other than pain and heartache? If every time you speak to him he verbally abuses you, why do you keep going back for more?
I really think you need to seek some outside help because your behaviour is extremely unhealthy. I don't think this is even about him so much, because how can you love someone that treats you so badly all the time? This desperate behaviour is a symptom of something, it is not your only problem. I think there is some deeper issue here and you may need the help of a professional to get to the root of it.
In the meantime, you need to delete his number from your phone and his email address from your computer. Nothing is going to change. He's not suddenly going to start liking you and treating you well if you keep calling him. It doesn't work like that. The more you call him, the angrier and more resentful he is going to become.
Basically, no person can change another person. Nobody has the right to do so. You can't change his behaviour or influence how he feels or acts towards you. You can only change yourself, and the only way to do so is to take control of your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 May 2013):
 First of all you have to recognise he is NOT your boyfriend. What you have with this man is not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
What we have here is a situation where you are harrassing somebody who you KNOW doesn't care about you with phone calls and texts.
Little wonder he is abusive and does not call you. Be grateful he has not reported you for stalking.
You need to think very carefully about what you are doing here, get professional help if you can. If you can't, then give one of your friends your phone to mind for three weeks while you try and break the habit of calling him. Give them your computer too if you are sending him emails.
You know this is toxic and you have to stop. So do it, even if you need to go cold turkey!
...............................
|
