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My boyfriend said if I don't give him sex he will get it somewhere else!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Sex, Teenage, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 May 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2018)
A female India age 16-17, anonymous writes:

Am in a relationship from 3year and i never allowed my boyfriend to touch me even and he never had any issue qith it.. He just said me when i'll permittee him to touch myself then only he'll touch otherwise no.... But now after 2years we got a lot free with eachother...just like best friends.... But then one day he just asked me to have sex... N i answer was no...

He said me.. I love you so i am not forcing you to have sex.. But now i can't wait anymore... If u can't have sex with me then i have to someone else for sex....

Now, am disturbed a lot what should i do... Am scared of my parents... also i don't wanna lose my virginity.... But i also don't want my boyfriend to sleep with someone else for sex...

View related questions: best friend, I love you

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (14 May 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntHe doesn't love you. I'm really sorry, but he's past the stage of loving you and wants to focus on sex. That's not a boy you want to date.

It's wise to wait until you're an adult to have sex because it comes with a lot of risks and emotions. He says he isn't forcing you, but he is because he keeps pushing it.

I know you don't want to break up, but you need to. He doesn't care about what you want; just about himself. Please don't give in or stay with him; you'll regret it and get hurt.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2018):

Don’t do it!! If he’s threatening you to change your mind, he isn’t good enough for you. Stay strong! Seems like you are

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntOP, I get that you like this BOY (because he is acting like a 5 year old who wants ONLY what HE wants, not caring about your feelings or wishes) - I think the BEST thing you can do is end it and wish him well.

You shouldn't COMPROMISE your own VALUES or BODY because he has decided that he wants sex RIGHT now. If he is 16-17 like you then he has lived for 15-17 years with no sex and he won't keel over and die if he doesn't GET sex RIGHT now.

He just wants sex because others of his friends are having it or saying they are having sex.

If PART of your culture is to NOT have premarital sex and you want to honor that, then DO so. End it and wish him well.

If you are just not READY for sex (and it sounds that way to me) then you tell him, you end it and wish him well.

OP he is ready to throw everything you two have away so he can have sex. While (as a Westerner) I could do what I wanted and STILL be respected in your culture a women is not so lucky. He will TELL his friends about you two having sex, others will know, YOUR reputation will end up in the mud, NOT his. HE knows this but he is thinking with his penis.

And yes, I get that he is a teenager and hormones are running amok - but he is again, NOT thinking of you. Only himself.

He thinks that by saying if you don't have sex with him he will leave you will MANIPULATE you into having sex for him. If you have sex with him what else will he start to "demand"? He isn't asking out of LOVE for you. And it won't be just a "one-time" deal. He will want you to keep doing it whether you want to or not.

Think about it. He is not the guy you will end up marrying. He is not the guy you will spend the rest of your life with (sex or no sex). HIS reputation won't be "ruined" after sex, but yours can be.

You are still so young. And you are not ready. And you will regret it if you have sex with him, it's almost a given.

At some point in time you will meet a guy whom you WANT to share your first time with. When YOU are good and ready.

If he asked you to jump of a bridge would you think you had to do that too?

I know having sex and jumping off a bridge isn't the same, but they are both things you don't really want to do. And it's OK to say NO and mean it.

And yes, ending it, wishing him well and NOT have sex with him might mean he will try with another girl and another and another. Some might say NO like you, some might not. BUT at least you will still be able to respect yourself and be able to look your parents in their eyes.

YOU do not OWE him sex.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2018):

That is just a line guys use to get sex.Guys even used it when I was younger.Do not fall for it.If he really loves you he will wait.If he goes out and cheats then it is better now than when you have been married for years and have all kinds of kids.If he dumps you because you are not ready then he never was mr.right in the first place.If he sleeps with someone just for sex what kind of guy is he anyways?You do deserve much better and you know it.Save your first time for someone who truly loves you.This guy does not.If he did he would respect your decision to wait.All he is thinking of right now is just himself.He can only love himself.When a man really loves you he will respect you and not harp on you about sex.He will wait and not cheat.He will treat you the way you should be treated.Do what is right for you.Educate yourself about STD and birth control.Do it a long time before you have sex.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2018):

Dump him really... like no boyfriend should ever say that to his girlfriend! He is manipulating you into having sex with him! DO NOT DO IT!! DO NOT GIVE IN! My suggestion is to just leave this guy. Honestly, nobody should ever be pressured like this into giving up their virginity! and since you've already said that you do not want to lose it, listen to yourself and leave this guy! He's not a good person if he says that he'll get sex from somewhere else. WALK AWAY! Find someone who will appreciate you for you not for having sex with them!

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