A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year. Everything has been great so far and we have been looking at apartments to move in. Tonight we were hanging out with our friends and I joked about my boyfriend's upcoming trip to the Bahamas where he will be with eight female classmates. I'm not really jealous but I kept saying "eight!" My boyfriend they were all ugly and my friend responded "ugly girls are the best in bed!" I laughed and said not to encourage him. My friend then said "Okay then, not ugly but insecure." And my boyfriend answered "I'm dating one." I looked at his face and he looked serious. That hurt. I laughed it off but it really hurt. My friend even gasped and looked uncomfortable. Lately I've been very stressed and unsure about myself. Rough patch at work has me so worried. I told my boyfriend previously that I just didn't know if I could do anything right anymore. I also admitted I was nervous about meeting his dad. I trusted him with my feelings. We drove to his home but I admitted that I felt edgy and needed space. He asked me "Did something I say hurt you?" I said yes and he said he was there if I needed to talk. I felt disgusted and nodded. I told him I'd drop him off at the airport tomorrow as I promised. He said I didn't have to but I insisted. Anyway, I feel terrible. He didn't apologize or try to say anything further. Am I making too much out of this?
View related questions:
at work, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 May 2016):
 I agree with Ivy.
I think you kind of "provoked" his response with the constant digs at his vacation with all those females. NOT saying you "deserved" such a thing to be said to you, but I think he did it as he felt you were lashing out at him in jealousy.
I think you should tell him that it was hurtful, he can then take from it or leave it.
And after that? Let to go.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 May 2016):
 Tit for tat comments I think. Sorry but I think you set yourself up for such a response. My advice take it with a pinch of salt and put it too bed. Not worth getting your knickers in a knot,especially when he's going away.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 May 2016):
 First I would wonder why a guy would go on a trip with 8 females, but not with you. The girls will be doing girly stuff like bikinis, spa sessions and shopping while this lone guy will feel so out of place. I am guessing there will be guys there too, so it's not going to be a situation like the girls will all flirt with him and compete for this one guy's attention.
While when he said "not ugly but insecure" is accurate, he's quite insensitive, knowing that you will be hurt by this. He did not intentionally hurt you but it did anyway. This joke didn't have to happen and it only hurt because you are indeed insecure at the moment. If you talked to your boyfriend he will say he did not intend to hurt you, he couldn't come up with a better thing to say, or he will miss you on the trip, etc. The rest is stuff that you have to deal with yourself, such as how to get your groove back and stop leaning on him for assurance. He's quite clueless on how to build you up and be supportive. A sorry isn't going to do it, if he doesn't mean it.
...............................
|
