A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know what to do. I am in a relationship which i have been in for 7 years and when we first got together, he cheated on me several times with my ex best friend, since then there has been suspicious incidents regarding friends and situations. I was so angry at him and the trust has taken years to build up even tho i still don't trust him a hundred per cent. Our sex life has also got worse and worse over the years. Even though I still think my boyfriend is good looking, i don't feel that special buzz or butterflies when he touches me or kisses me or when we have sex. Just over a year ago I met another guy. In all my years of being with my boyfriend, i had the chance to cheat on him so many times with really hot guys, but never did. When I met this new guy it was different. He was amazing looking, so funny, charming etc and he was all I could think about. Only thing is, it don't seem like there is any chance of me being with him like that, he isn't really boyfriend material, he is a bit of a bad boy and a player and don't think he wants a relationship anyway. He isn't the kind of guy who has loads of one night stands but he does have a few girls on the go who he sleeps with. Our sex is amazing but we can chill out and talk and cuddle and stuff too. Plus he is very secretive about his job etc. He earns a lot of money and usually has gold diggers after him, but money isn't even a factor, I'd love him anyway. He knows I have a boyfriend and always asks about him as if he is jealous, but i haven't told him that i live with my boyfriend. He also goes through periods of time where he loses his phone and doesn't give his number to me until months later so i don't see or speak to him for ages at a time which does bother me. I have history with my boyfriend, I think I love him, but Im not sure if Im in love with him. The bit of the side is all I can think about. When we are together we have such chemistry and its not just sexual, i feel like we are mates too who can tell each other anything and not feel embarressed around each other, i feel comfortable around him. Im with my boyfriend for the security, because Ive been with him for ages and we live together and i do want him in my life because maybe i do love him, But i seriously think I am in love with the bit on the side, and i think there is a serious chance we would never be together in that way. All I want is to be with the bit on the side, but i'd rather have the situation how it is than nothing at all. I just really don't know what to do about the whole thing
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best friend, cheated on me, jealous, money, my ex, one night stand, period, player, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Hmmm, this is quite a toughie. Personally, I don't see why you are still with your boyfriend if he cheated on you several times with your ex-best friend(close to home or what! And why did yo stick by him and not your best mate is the question?) and if you don't trust him your relationship will never work.This guy on the side I have two views about, firstly I think you lust him because maybe after all these years with your bad sex life with your bf and cheating on you you are so happy so have some quality sex and attention that you are falling for him. Maybe deep down you are seeking revenge and why not, your bf cheated on you and maybe that's a way for you to deal with him.However, I think your bf may love you because he's stuck around for so long but that does not mean you HAVE to love him for the security of having someone to go home to-you are not obliged to stay with him at all-you should shoose your own way of life.Do you seriously love your bf-I'm sensing you are not completely in love with him or else you wouldn't have strayed for attention and some affection.This bit on the side I personally don't think he loves you, your his FWB by no fault of your own, you even said he's seeing other girls so I doubt he is going to give all that up for anyone any time soon-but that's y assumption, if you feel differently-tell him! You must and see what he says, but honey, I dont think you love your bf enough to stay with him-it's just security now, but if you do decide to stick with him, find the reasons why you fell in love with him and give it another try.But I think you have already moved on from your bf-you've cheated on him several times having an affair and if you're being honest with yourself, you'll know the right thing to do.Much love and hope this helps, if not post again and I'll help.Izi
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