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My boyfriend makes purchases with my credit and doesn't pay them off

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2016) 10 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2016)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello. Last year my bf bought an iphone. He didnt have the money to buy it so he borrowed my credit card and he is making the payments. I realized he hasnt pay the full amount and it has been a year already but he makes monthly payments. Yesterday he bought the new iphone ($1100.00) he ordered online and it will come in 2-3 weeks. I was so mad and sad that he got the new phone without finish pay the one hes using and got with my credit card. I told him, what you need to do is sell your phone, pay the balance and see if you are able to buy the new one trough your own credit or a payment plan or whatever. It was too late. I am very disappointment I am a hard worker, single e independent, I never buy something that I cant afford myself or if I do I make sure I pay it in the fast way possible. I blame myself because he used the same credit card to make the purchase and then he says honey dont worry I will pay this the fast that I can, but he did not pay the last one in full so what about this one? Another thing is last evening we went to a shopping center just to window shopping, my mom and I were looking for a cafeteria and I saw him talking with a vendor in a kiosk, there were selling perfumes, then he came with a small bag and he said hey honey I got a perfume with you and one for me, I honestly thought, later when my mom was not around he told me honey i own you $80 bucks for the perfumes..I said what??!! he said I am going to take some cash from the ATM and I give you, I said ok. Well the night came he didnt give a penny, i said did you forget to go to the ATM? I didnt ask you for any perfume so you need to pay me this or you can take it since I dont need it. He said, ok, lets make this $80 plus the $1100.00 for the phone one debt... I am not sure how to handle this situation. Any advice? I just told him please you do what you say and I left.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (23 September 2016):

Okay, here's what I would do. Do not (at first) blow up at your sweet talking parasite of a boyfriend. Let him think he's successfully managed to appease you. Then when his guard is down you take everything he has of sellable value that could pay back for the money he owes you. Put it somewhere he can't reach, maybe at your parents house. Then call the credit card company to tell them the latest order has not been approved by you and get it cancelled. Also, on grounds of having an illegitimate charge, ask them for a new card with a new number. If it can't be cancelled, sell that phone the moment it comes in.

Step two, kick out the boyfriend. Listen, he knows full well what he's doing and he's gonna leave you when you're chin deep into debt so he can find someone else to do the same thing to. You can't stop the latter from happening but you can stop it from happening to you.

Sometimes we love people that are assholes. It happens. Kick them out before they ruin your life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2016):

I am the OP. I did call the phone company and I cancelled the purchase I said it was made without my authorization. Then I reported my credit card as a stolen that is resolved. I still need to resolve the first phone issue...

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (23 September 2016):

Whenever you give money to family/friends/bf/gf, at that moment say goodbye to that money forever, because the chances are overwhelming that you will never see it again.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (22 September 2016):

CindyCares agony auntYou got excellent practical advice about how to contain the financial damage, but...it's incomplete ; nobody but Honeypie told you that the smart thing to do would be not only cancelling the credit card, but also cancelling the relationship and cancelling this shameless exploiter out of your life.

Ok, you gave him your credit card voluntarily, and if we can afford it, it's not bad to spoil a bit a loved one, whatever gender we are. If a man can buy a woman costly presents and nobody bats a lid, the opposite should apply too -

But- it's not exactly like this,right ? the previous phone was a loan, which he is not paying back ( one year to pay back a smartphone ?... ) Not happy with that, he goes and charges 1100 more without asking you first ?? With your card ?? With your money ?? If he does not pay, you are responsible ( .... I doubt he will pay, seen his track record ). So, basically he FORCED you to lend him money... which he does not know if and when he'll pay back.... sugarcoat it as you like it , but this is like stealing, pure and simple. Same as if he had thrusted his hand in your pocket without you noticing.

He is a thief. And a conman. And a moocher. And a user.

Is this the type of man you want to date ? Why ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016):

Is what he's doing illegal? I doubt you'll get that money without legal action. I would put something in writing so it's not all down to hearsay. Nobody borrows a credit card witout asking. You are letting him walk over you. Debt is serious. The things he's bought are not essentials they are luxury items. He is irresponsible with YOUR finances. Is this the kind of man you want?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (22 September 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntI have a link for you: http://www.nfcc.org ( National Foundation for Credit Counseling) The number to call is 800.388.2227

Get on this NOW so you don’t pay the price later.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (21 September 2016):

Cancel the card, and get it reissued. Get card protection through your bank against unauthorized users and purchases.

Payoff the balance on the card yourself. Let him pay YOU!

He is only making minimal payments, and the payment is feeding only interest. If payments are late, you are accruing late fees and the interest-rate of the card goes up. You should know better than to trust non-spouses with your credit. There is no legal action you can take other than a small claims suit. You can report stolen cards, not those you give to people to use.

Confiscate the phones. Legally, they're yours. You have a credit card receipt to prove it. Sell the old one, and apply the money against the credit card balance.

Give no man your credit card who hasn't given you a real diamond ring, his last name, and co-signed to payoff debt he accrues with your name on it.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (21 September 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIt sounds to me like he is just using you, or else he knows he is able to walk all over you. Either way you need to put your foot down, this is your credit history he is ruining. Take the two phones and try and get as much money back as possible for them. Take it as a lesson to be learnt, don't give your credit card details to anyone.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (21 September 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntI wouldn't cancel he card. That would affect your credit too. I would contact the company, tell them you've lost the card and ask for a new one with a new number. Change all passwords on your account and your email address.'

In the agreement you signed with the credit card company, you agreed to pay for all legitimate purchases and penalties and interest if applicable. As you gave your boyfriend the card number you are the one on the hook. You've got a leech for a boyfriend, and sadly you're learning this lesson the difficult, expensive way.

As the phones are yours, ask him for the old one and the new one and seek out the resale services that handle those. Close the phone account out, there may be a penalty on that too depending on what sort of contract he entered into with the cellular/data provider.

Get copies of all the receipts and contracts.

You are responsible for this debt; yes, he's an ass for doing what he did but legally it's on you.

If he refuses to return the phones or pay you in full then you might want to look into small-claims court and suing him there to recoup some of your financial losses.

I do see that as the phone hasn't been delivered, you could contact the credit card company and explain the phone charge wasn't authorized by you and that you need the transaction canceled entirely. Then it's between the credit card company and the phone provider.

You have options, you just need to do some research and make some calls.

I'd start with notifying the credit card company of the unauthorized purchase of the phone online and asking how to void the transaction. If he just ordered it yesterday you have time.

Go put on your big girl panties and be sensible and firm.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 September 2016):

Honeypie agony auntCancel your credit card RIGHT now. CUT it up in front of him. Make him realize that he can NO LONGER ruin your credit.

(you can order a new one that you NEED to hide from him if you absolutely need to have a credit card for emergencies - YOUR emergencies NOT his).

Give him BACK the perfume and tell him to get a refund, that you WANT the $1,100 and that he has XX months to pay it off.

And then simply STOP letting him use you.

Has he sold the old phone yet? IF not, TAKE that phone and sell it YOURSELF, after all... it is YOURS, you paid for it.

Personally? I'd take that $1,100 phone off him and kick him out the door and then work on getting as much of the $1,100 back as you can get.

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