A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together like 9yrs now. In the beginning as always perfect..now its not bad but hes gotten way to jealous. He dosent want me hanging with my girls who he met me with. He dislikes my family all of a sudden, he even hates that I spend time on the computer cause he dosent know who I'm talking too..He hates that Im on Facebook hes controlling..Recently we had an incident he was a little rough with me first time it ever happened and now I actually suffer from panic attacks....I have left soo many times and he keeps coming after me..what else can I do besides switch states?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): oh honey, i feel your pain so well. i too am in a controlling, hopeless relationship with an insecure, jealous ... and yes abusive man. this is not healthy for you, nor is it the way things are supposed to be. Even if you HAD done something to upset him, or make him feel insecure, it does not give him the right to control you or treat you as anything less than his equal, his partner in life. you have to get strong and stay strong, YOU are in control of your life, your decisions are no ones but your own. you have to make up your mind that enough is enough, you have to stick by that truth and do whatever you can to pick yourself back up and be true to yourself. i know what you mean when you say you keep going back, it's easy to do - thre is history there and yes you remember the love you had and the way things used to me. it's only natural to miss those things, to hope it will change, to want to believe in something greater than either you or him. But ask yourself this? has it changed? does it EVER last? do you feel yourself on a roller coaster of feelings, one minute you are happy with this guy and the next you feel like you can't breathe or escape from it? ... i'm sure you answered yes to at least one of those questions. and the reason is because it will never change, the truth is, it will probably only get worse, and the more time you stay with him the harder it's going to be. you deserve better, and i think you know that. for myself - I have decided i've had enough, i have a plan ... i have a savings acct he does not know about, i have found an apartment of my own, i have contacted my local authorities and am going to file an order of protection (it's actually a fairly simple process) and i am leaving when he is at work very soon. for the first time in a LONG time (years in fact) i feel in control of my own life, i feel empowered, i am excited. you need to dig deep and get that feeling for yourself, you need a plan ... if we plan ahead we are less likely to fall on our decisions. as others have stated, once you leave you need to STAY in control, don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, if he comes to your house call the police ... spending a night or two in jail will get through to him if nothing else. and dont' feel guilty .... it's NOT your fault, if he ends up being arrested. it is his for not heeding your warning and taking you seriously. stay strong .... believe in yourself .... you can do this! God Bless.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 February 2011):
 Leave him and get a restraining order.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): You stop letting him come after you, it's easy as hell.
Just say no and stop chickening out and giving in. Seriously woman grow a pair!!!
Say no, block him from every kind of contact, and if he continues to pursue you then call the cops and get a restraining order.
He's only able to do this because you let him, that's it. You're whining that he won't leave you alone but it's actually you that'#s letting him, so it's pointless complaining and no, running away isn't going to solve this problem. you'll still be weak and open to letting another guy do this to you. Stand up and leave, and don't give in this time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): If you have left so many times than you have gone back just as many times. Why do you do that? It makes sense he keeps coming after you b/c you do keep going back afterall so you have taught him how to get what he wants. You can just not go back to him is all you have to do. If he harasses you call the cops.
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