A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:I got with my bf when I was 11 years old and since I turned 13 he started controling my life. I am now 15 and he is nerly 18 and when I was 13 he told me I was fat and told me I had to loose weight. I weighed 8 st 2 at the time and he wanted me to weigh 6 st 10.Anyway I lost weight and reached 7st 1 and he said he wants me to loose more and I told him that I felt to weak and the doctors and GP'S said I had to put on weight or am at a high risk of being really ill, so anyway he told me to loose a little bit more because I still looked fat and I felt disgusting and I am now 6st 13 and been diagnosed with Anorexia and I cant loose anymore I feel to weak it has taken me 15 mins just to write this up to were I am now, he told me that if I don't loose another 2LBs at least he will leave me and I really don't want to lose him.Please Help I Don't Know What To do.
View related questions:
anorexic, lose weight Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (16 April 2009):
 well done on you hun!glad to see you shifted him :)you can move on with your life and concentrate on you! and everything you need.and you'll find the man of your dreams likei wish you all the very best in life :)i really do.xXx
A
female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 I'm really glad you left him. That's great, and I'm really proud of you.
But here's the deal honey, no matter what your home life was, no matter if you had no family or anything, you still chose to be with him even knowing that what he was doing to you was wrong.
You cannot let yourself think that you are a helpless victim. You are in control of your own choices and your own life, and NO ONE on this planet can control you but you.
I'm sorry that I made you upset, but in a way, I'm glad I did, because you need to realize that the world is a harsh and ugly place and no one is going to take care of you or help you. You have to do things for yourself, make your own choices, and go after what you want. If you are in a bad situation and you know it, you should get out of it ASAP instead of sitting around waiting for that person to change or someone to come rescue you.
Be your own hero. Make good choices and keep your eyes open. Don't think that you're a victim. The only person that can really hurt you is you.
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
hun it's going to be tough but honestly talk to your doctor about seeking the help you need to get yourself back on your feet you don't need this guy
he's horrible to you!
and you do deserve sympathy because he's trying to control you and he shouldn't your a young vulnerable girl and he knows that
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need help not critisism. Just so everyone knows I have left him and On Monday I am going to my GP tomorow to get a diet plan and I have told my ex boyfriend's parents what he has done to me. Its not my fault how I feel.
Yes I choose what I do and eat but I have lost many people in my family and I didnt want to loose him. I am not looking for sympathy I am looking for help, which is the whole point in this website Im 15, with no parents and this website was recomended by one of my friends, so I came on this and got help. You didnt have to be so nasty about it :( you made me upset.
But thanks to everyone else, Just so ya know I am not looking for sympathy, its help I need.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for comments.
Satindesire no effence but its hard for me and if u would like to know I felt like he was the only who cared because I had been with him for 4 years, I have no siblings, my gran is on the verge of death and I live over 200 miles away from my other family, my dad left and I have no idea on this earth where he is right now and my mum died and don't call me stupid it hurts, tht made me really upset your comment I
...............................
A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (15 April 2009):
This is going to sound harsh, but honey, you need someone to grab you by the shoulders and give you a hard shake!
No one can "make" you anorexic. You CHOSE to eat the way you ate, and you are choosing to stay in this relationship when you know it's unhealthy. You are a human being, with a brain...you understand fully the consequences to your actions. I will give you absolutely NO sympathy because your choices are your own and no one has forced you into the place you are in right now but YOURSELF.
You are fully capable of leaving him, and eating healthy, and being a healthy weight. You know this. I know you know this, and everyone on this site should know this. You are fully, 100% responsible for your actions. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.
You have a brain. Use it. Leave him, eat right, and stop being stupid. You WILL die if you continue making these poor choices.
There are three billion men on this planet. Your boyfriend is not the last man on earth and he is not your only chance and happiness, and I know you know that too.
Stop this insanity at once. No one in their right mind would feel sorry for you when you have chose to live your life like this for this long, knowing full well you could have left anytime.
I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, and I didn't leave. I don't deserve a DROP of sympathy because I chose to stay, knowing full well that by staying I was inviting more abuse. I was stupid and brought all that pain on myself. Stop making dumb choices and get out.
...............................
A
female
reader, OGMC082293 +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Leave this “boyfriend”You do not need to be that skinny im sure you are pretty the way you look now, he is probably insecure about his own body, please leave him !!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, sofiamorgan +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Honestly its people like your so called 'boyfriend' that I want to go and hit. Sorry I get so angry when I see people being manipulated like this and having been on the verge of anorexia myself and helped two of my closest friends through it I know just how distructive, horrible and awful disease it is.
Please please listen to everyone on this site, YOU are just fine the way you are. Your boyfriend on the other hand needs to be gotten rid of and FAST. He is causing you so much upset and hurt.
When you are in a relationship neither of you is perfect and one person certainly should NOT try to make the other one perfect. A relationship is about two people who love each other just the way they are.
What you need to do is to talk to someone, tell someone about all of this. I know its a really really tough thing to do but it is what you need to do. You took a really big step by asking your question on here and saying that you are an anorexic and that you want things to change, but I'm afraid that they only way that things will change dramatically is you saying 'good ridance' to your 'boyfriend'.
A real boyfriend is someone who loves you for who you are and won't ever ask you to change. This is the kind of person you need to find.
Please feel free to message me on this site or respond on here, but please please please rid yourself of this boyfriend and talk to someone about all of this.
Hugs
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): dont you see he is hurting you , please leave him you need someone who will love you no matter what you need to be haelthy and not change yourself for someone else he is sick and you need to leave i feel so sorry for you please get help
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
hun don't do what you want him to do
do what you want to do!
you're your own person!
no-one can change you
and no-one SHOULD change you
people should just love you for whom you are not what they want you to be!
...............................
A
male
reader, CrazyMind +, writes (15 April 2009):
 "he has also made me dye my hair black and wear lots of eyeliner because he likes the emo look, I hate it but it kept him happy."
Hun, woah. You need to get yourself out of this relationship. He doesn't respect you for who you are, and he wants you to live to HIS ideals. He's not worth the air he breathes, to be honest. You NEED to find someone that accepts you as you are, and doesn't ever ask you to change - find somebody that actually loves you.
I'll put it simply: Your 'boyfriend' is SCUM, and you need to get him out of your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (15 April 2009):
 You know, my dietician has told me that I only eat 1/3 of the calories I need and I eat a lot more than you!
You need more vegetables, solid foods, proteins... Your 'boyfriend' is not a dietician, he can't tell you what to eat.
Go get some expert medical advice, let your mum and dad dictate what you eat and for Heaven's sake, dump this jerk!
He is the only weight you need to lose!
...............................
A
male
reader, CrazyMind +, writes (15 April 2009):
Reading what you've listed that you eat, I don't think that you're taking in enough calories (although I haven't checked)Speak to your GP/a doctor about a healthy eating plan, and then try to stick to it. Try increasing how much you eat - throw in a chocolate bar along with the Pear, have two cups of rice instead of one, etc. And just try and gradually increase your calorie intake. Set a weight that you want to reach, and don't stop eating until you get there - and once you're there, work out a healthy diet to maintain that weight.I wish you all the best in succeeding with putting this weight on; it won't be easy, but you can do it, I believe in you.- Crazy.http://CrazyMind.freehostia.com
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has also made me dye my hair black and wear lots of eyeliner because he likes the emo look, I hate it but it kept him happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell my dad walked out on us when I was 2 and my mum died a few months ago. :( I live with my gran but I havent told her about losing weight because of my bf.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Where oh where are your parents?
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
aw hun it will at first you've decreased alot but with help from doctors and your family you'll definately get there maybe take time but you willbut you need to shift that big amount of weight out your life that so called "boyfriend" of yourshe isn't doing you any favours just putting you down making you feel worthless and controlling your life!and that's not what you need at all.your still so young and have so much ahead of you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your comment, I dont starve myself he just tells me what to eat and when to eat. Here is my routine:Breakfast: Apple, Or banana and waterDinner: Tropicana smoothie, one glass and a bowl of cerialSnack: PearTea: one glass of rice with sweet n sour sauce with orange juice.supper: bowl of cerial with a glass of milk.And water throught the day. I started off doing this and wanting more but now I seem ust to having this much food and I don't know why and I really want to put the weight back on but it seems impossible. X
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 April 2009):
HUN!sriously!!let him leave you no boyfriend should tell you to lose weight i mean!! if he likes you for who you are what does weight matter?he clearly don't love you hunyou need to get out that relationship get back on track1you're not fat hun! not at all!!i bet your beautiful!!he's just a d**k you don't need a horrible guy telling you to lose weight when you're already ill!!you tell him where to go!if he was ANY kind of boyfriend he wouldn't have made you feel so fat!when you clearly are not fat!!he would of just showered you with compliments whether or not you looked nice because that's what true loves are meant to do love you no matter what.he's too up himself!hun please get yourself out before it's too late! you can still get yourself back on track with help from your family and friensd and doctors.he doesn't deserve to know you!1hope you work things out hun!chin up!if you need anything please don't hesitate to message me :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!he's an insensitive jerk who's leading you to your death.which one would you rather keep?your life or your boyfriend?anorexia is a very serious problem.you should start eating food and receive psychological help by an expert to help get your body get back to normal,if your internal organs haven't already been too damaged by you starving yourself that is.
...............................
A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (15 April 2009):
Why do you let this evil boy rule your life like this?
He clear doesn't love you, he is hurting and abusing you and you need to lose him now, today, this very minute!
Why would you want such an abusive and negative boyfriend?
You can and will do soooo much better in time, if only you get this parassite out of your life.
What should you do???
Well, clearly, you should tell him to get a heart, a brain and a life, then dump him.
...............................
A
male
reader, CrazyMind +, writes (15 April 2009):
Hunni, you say you don't want to lose him, but I think losing him would be the best thing you can do - you deserve much better than him; you need to find somebody who accepts you for who you are, and who doesn't try and control your life.Please, take the advice of the doctors and put on weight - you need to get this bad influence out of your life. He's wanting you to fit in with his own ideals, most likely acquired from magazines and models - you need to feel comfortable with yourself, and be sensible to yourself.Get some friends around you who will support you, support at this time is something you need. Feel free to contact me: Private message me on this site (http://www.dearcupid.org/mb/pm.aspx?username=crazymind) or if you'd like another method, Go to http://CrazyMind.freehostia.comRegards,- Crazy. x
...............................
A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I think you already know what everyone here will have to say. You should never be in a relationship that causes you harm. I know you have been with him for a long time and you probably really love him but are you sure he loves you back if he would let you suffer like this and still ask for more.You should break up with him and if he comes crawling back and says hes sorry, then mabey it can still work out but it cant like this.
...............................
|
