A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for a few months now and we are crazy about each other. We have been exclusive for a while, but I saw the other day that he has been texting with a girl he has hooked up with before. They have been friends for 10 years, though, and she has a boyfriend. It really bothers me but he doesn't see anything wrong with it and doesn't want to cut off a good friend. He eventually said he understood and said he would cut her off but I don't know if this is a red flag or what? I don't feel that we have the same views on things like this and it really worries me. Should I say okay and move on from this or end it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2017): There is something very strange about this.My opinion differs from the rest.There is absolutely NO reason why any guy who has a GIRLFIREND needs to be in touch with a woman he was having sex with in the past!NO REASON!Where there is SMOKE, there is FIRE.Watch your back, sweetie.This guy is up to no good.Doesn't matter how CRAZY you think he is about you. MOST MEN ARE PIGS!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2017): I'm the OP. For the record, I have never checked his phone. I simply glanced while he was on it laying on me. And also never asked him to not be friends with her, he offered it on his own. They haven't spoken in a while from what he told me that's why it was odd
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 your relationship is still new and it must be a little unstable yet that you feel the need to make him give up an old friend, be careful of doing that as it can drive a wedge between you two, you might have an old friend and you would not like being told to cut him off, it is important when you meet new people to keep your friends and in the same way, it is important to trust the other and give them space to keep up with his old friends, you don't say what was being said in the text's, for all I know she might be telling him what to buy you as a gift, or giving him tips on how to make you happy, to me, it is a good thing in a person if they can be grown up enough to stay friends after they were an item, something you don't find often, it is why people that go through a marriage break up use their kids to get back at the other half,If you try to put yourself in the other person's shoes when you have an issue it can help to see if we are over stepping the mark.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 I agree with YCBS.
What right do you have to dictate who he can and cannot speak to? How long ago did they hook up? If over the course of 10 years they've only hooked up shows they weren't good for each other anyways.
As long as his messaging is above board then I don't see a problem with it. He isn't secretive now about his messaging but believe me he will be if he feels like you're watching over him and then you will begin to develop trust issues.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 July 2017):
 Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair. I assume he does not tell YOU who you can have as a friend? He has been friends with this girl for 10 years but has known YOU a few months and you think you have some sort of right to tell him he has to cut her off? So they hooked up at some point in their friendship. Obviously it didn't work out because he is with YOU and she is with someone else. It's nice that they have stayed friends. As long as he is not texting her anything "inappropriate", what is your problem? To me the fact they had hooked up and moved on would be a PLUS because they have been there, tried that, moved on.
Stop checking his phone. The more you try to control who he has contact with, the more secretive he will become. Just because you are "crazy about each other" does not mean he has to lose contact with his friends.
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