A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, my boyfriend gave me an engagement ring that was previously used by his ex girlfriend. He says that he redid the ring, but the diamond is the same. It makes me feel uncomfortable. There is also a plus, when we started the relationship i got so hurt because the way they used to talk to each other, and all the things they were planing to do (including elope), even when i was already dating him. Am i overreacting. The ring was already sized for me but i just dont feel ok wearing it or happy to receiving it.
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female
reader, krista2020  +, writes (29 April 2012):
He gave you a ring that would require the least amount of effort and money on his part. If it bothers you now it will only fester more over time. Sounds a bit cold-blooded, but who wants to be reminded of their predecessor every time they look at their left hand. If he does not care about your input on this how is he going to view your opinion on other future purchases like a house and car?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): yr boyfriend is selfish,lacks respect..he definately does not want to buy a secound ring..mayb d first one cost him a fortune or so,,but see it dis way,he probably went into debt or savd 4 d first ring 4 his ex,y does he not do d same 4 u..think well before you marrying this guy.he does not know your worth..thats so cheap and tricky..if you accept,it just shows how desperate you are.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2010):
 That is just tacky. I think you better tell him NOW that you don't want this ring, but would love one he had picked for YOU.
Tacky tacky.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): Even as cheap as I am, I would never do that. I would demand that he pawn this old ring and buy you a brand new one.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (4 February 2010):
 That's Creepy! I'd rather not have a ring!
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 I think you should insist on a new ring. You can always have that one sized as a pinky ring or turn the diamond into a pendant and just use it for something else. But he needs to buy you a ring that YOU picked out. There are no cheap shortcuts on stuff like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I agree with you. An engagment ring is a symbol.
Its a symbol of his love and commitmnt for her, not you. And now he wants you to wear it.
Id tell him to get rid of it and get you one that was just for you. Some things just cant be second hand.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Hi hun, that's shocking to me and makes him look incredibly cheap in my view.
Instinctively you know it's wrong, which is why you're writing today.
There's no way I'd accept some other girls sloppy seconds and it probably reflects other issues in your relationship.
Call it off and get a better guy!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I am a guy but I don't see a problem in re using a ring especially if it is awesome. Right now I have a girlfriend that I would hope to possibly marry one day. I have an engagement ring from the past but has a diamond in it that my new girl likes. She hasn't seen the ring yet but I don't see how she couldn't see past the fact that it has been used before. I plan on asking her if she could take it if I made some changes to the ring. It's a 4 carrot ring with an appraised value of over 15K. It looks so awesome.....
To your point, I guess if you don't feel comfortable now, you probably never will. If my girl doesnt like the ring I show her then I will sell it and get something else.
Go with what you think will make you comfortable and happy. If youve done that with an open mind, then you have made the right decision for you.
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A
female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Let him know how uncomfortable you feel taking that ring.
I wouldn't want or accept the ring either.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (4 February 2010):
 No, no and NO! I would not accept the ring. NO WAY..NO HOW! Tell him politely that appreciate the sentiment behind it, but you do not want a ring that belonged to his ex, I don't care if it was redone. Tell him to pawn it, sell it whatever..and you will be happy to wait until he can buy you YOUR OWN. I think most women would agree with me. To me, its just like its dooming the relationship to take a ring from an ex. Sorry, but there is no way on earth I would accept the ring.
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