A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now. He's in the military and is divorced with 2 kids. After a year of long distance relationship, I decided to move in with him. I am having the hardest time not receiving affection from him. When we first started dating, he wouldn't care who was around, he would hold my hand, hug me, and kiss me without me having to ask. That's all changed now. I have to ask for a hug or kiss and he doesn't actually give one back, so I feel ugly, like he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I've had many talks to him about it. He said it gets old. He compared it to me painting. He says he likes it but doesn't wanna do it all the time. I fell in love with him a long time ago. It's hard to make that go away. Every time I'm not with him it feels like a piece is missing from me and when I'm with him I get butterflies every time. I see how he is with his kids and he's an interesting person to talk to when he does talk and when times are good I couldn't be happier. I wish he could see how much I love him. He even said what do you say to ppl to make them believe that you love me? He's like my sister and my friends say dude that girl really loves you....but he doesn't see it. I've changed my life so much to try to please him and make him happy and actually attracted to me, but nothing is working. I love him so much and I just want us to be happy and in love and have peace in our lives, but the fact that he doesn't care about my feelings is a big issue. I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. It makes me sick to be away from him but makes me so depressed when he demeans me the way he does.
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depressed, divorce, fell in love, long distance, military Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You must reconcile that he sucked you in to HIS life.... and, consequently, your gave up your's..... and now, he has all the power..... He gets to have s*x with you.... has no reason to be nice to you..... and probably will never be any different....
Put on your big girl panties, puff out your chest and say to yourself: "(your name here)... are you content to be this guy's regular lay.... or would you rather have a life that includes a real nice guy as a "B/F"?"
IF the answer is "Sure.... I don't care if he walks all over me...." Then you don't have to do anything.....
IF the answer is "Damn, that's a pretty grim prognosis for the future.... and I'd really like to have something better."..... then start by getting away from this cad... and STAYING AWAY!!!!!
Good luck.....
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 January 2013):
You need to recognize that the feelings you have for him aren't quite what you think they are. People are wired in a way that makes them crave what they can't have. You feel like you love him and want to do anything to please him because you want to feel accepted and loved, not because you actually do love him.
Ask yourself how much sense it makes to be madly in love with a guy who makes you feel this way. It doesn't.
I'm telling you all this knowing full well that it's not what you want to hear and that you're going to continue to stay with him and feel like crap. This is why guys say that if you want a girl to be into you you have to treat her like you don't care about her. I remember a line from a song, "If you want me for your girl, all you have to do is see, that you're not the boy for me."
Maybe you need to give him a reason to stop taking you for granted. Maybe your absence will help. Break up with him or just stop coming around very often. Maybe he'll realize how much you mean to him. Maybe he won't. If he does, good. If not that's fine because there are 3,000,000,000 other guys out there.
BTW, you aren't the problem so stop acting like you are.
...............................
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