A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a 2 year relationship, and after the first year I would catch my boyfriend trying to talk to girls once in a while. He always apologised and used excuses such as "i was bored" "i was just trying out my game again" "it dont mean anything"Just 3 months ago, I found out he has cheated. As expected I broke down, and felt very unstabled. He said he was sorry and he won't do it again and tried to make amendments. But I was not ready to try again. We went on a holiday for 2 weeks to get away from everything and see how it goes, it was like a make or break. I did at that moment feel like it was "break".I have given him a hard time in terms of my forgiveness which is predictable, but now he has said he has given up and he has tried everything to win me back but it isn't working. Now he doesn't want to resolve it, i do. I have gone out of dates with other guys but it just doesn't feel the same, my expectations have gone higher and I don't feel like they can be met, maybe cause I am so used to him.. He told me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore so he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and he wants to see other people, and justifies the reason with he is too young for such commitment. He also said if I didn't tire out the fact he was trying, he wouldn't of had the intentions of not working it out anymore. He believes we should see other people, and I don't want that. I really want to work things out, he will pop up and message me he misses me to play with my head. I have now blocked him on my phone and told him to leave me be, and we can see what the future holds.But I am finding it difficult to let go of him even though he has done wrong, maybe it is cause I viewed him as if he was "home". I just don't know what to do.. I still want him back but I want to know if he will return?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2016):
 He was " home " ? Then it was a home of deception, lies and manipulation. A dysfunctional home. You can make a much better home for yourself.
Will he come back ? No and you know why ? Because you won't let him ;) ( wink ). You won't let him because you are not stupid, because you value and respect yourself and know you deserve more, and because you are not desperate and old fashioned enough to think that ANY boyfriend , even one as fickle and uncaring as your ex, is better than being single for a while.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (25 November 2016):
 Why, To prove that you are his "one"?. Hun let him go, he wants to see other people and he will see other people whether you are together or not. Relationships tainted by infidelity have as many weak spots as a shattered vase glued back together with spit. N91 has it right, time is what you need not some slime ball bf.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (24 November 2016):
 I like to think your expectations are higher because after having a BF who cheated on you, who in their right mind would not want a decent honest attentive guy?
If you’re so used to him (the BF) it’s because that’s all you’ve experienced. After all who else has there been in the last 2 years? Yet he is no example of good character honesty and loyalty… within a year into your relationship you caught him talking to girls. Within a few weeks he got tired of making amends for cheating… he used the excuse of you giving him a hard time regarding forgiveness.
Yet how convenient it is to blame you, the victim of betrayal? I say, the only noble thing he’s done is leave and that’s basically because he wants to screw around at his age, not settle down. What do think it means when he says he wants to see other people? He’s not interested in fighting to redeem himself, regain your trust… he knows it’ll be easier to fool someone else with these excuses; "i was bored" "i was just trying out my game again" "it don’t mean anything" It’d be harder to fool you twice!?
I suggest you take some time out from dating if you’re going to compare potential good guys to this cheating EX BF. Ignore his texts as there only sent to get back into bed with you when no one else is available.
The future holds as I predict; misery insecurity distrust if you have him back.
I believe you need to remove any memento that remind you of him, perhaps rearrange the furniture and buy new bed sheets, go out socially with friends, and learn to listen to your instincts when someone gives you BS excuses. Those red flags (after the first year) are not meant to be ho-hum ignored.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 November 2016):
 I am glad that you have blocked him as he will continue to play mind games with you. The only good thing this guy has done for you is tell you that he won't get back with you. You are weak at the moment because you love him and miss him. Yes everything is different now, no guy compares. The reason is because you are not over him yet. It does take time. The first step is admitting to yourself that it is over. He does not want to be committed to you, if he did he would never have cheated. If he loved you he never would have cheated. If he loved you he would have fought for you. But he does not want it and you need to accept that. It will be difficult there will be tears and lonely nights. But it does get better. Cease all communication. Allow your friend to distract you and cheer you up. Don't date unless you feel you are ready, and remember there is no rush you are still young so just enjoy life.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 November 2016):
 This guy has no respect whatsoever for you, if anything you should be counting your lucky stars that he doesn't want a relationship anymore. He's a very young lad and when they show these behaviours that they like to play away from home they don't usually change until they've matured.
You also know that he actually has cheated on you, remember all those times he told you he loves you and how much you mean to him? Then he went and hopped into the first girls bed that showed him a bit of attention? Yeah his words don't seem as sincere anymore do they?
Stop, comparing other people to this guy. If anything they should be in higher regard than him because he's a cheater. You've done the right thing in blocking him. give it time
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