A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering what everyone thinks of anal sex. I'm 21 my b/f is 23 and we've been together roughly 2 years. He's the only guy I've ever been with and we have been sexually active for a few months now. He's recently told me about wanting to try anal sex and asked how I felt about it. I told him I never really thought about it and wasn't really sure how I felt about it and we kind of just left it at that.Honestly, I'm kind of conflicted about it. I feel like I may want to try it but at the same time I feel very embarrassed and self conscience about my butt, it's not very attractive, lol. I have a square/flat looking booty so I think it would be a big turn off for him. I also think it would be painful. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 January 2015):
 Firstly, trust the man to know what his preferences are. If he likes you butts and find you attractive, then you can't argue that it isn't attractive to him. Obviously it is.
Second, you've only had sex for a few months now. Anal sex is advanced sex. It's fun to talk about things you want to try, and I don't think you should feel worried about him asking about it. It's normal to be curious, and healthy to have an adventurous attitude in the bedroom. It just makes things a lot more fun. That being said, there is a big difference between talking about something/ enjoying the fantasy of something, and actually DOING said something. At this point I believe all he wants is to talk about things, test the waters, see how you feel, get to know your sexual sides etc. He is just curious. If you say no, then that's fine. If you want to talk about it, that's fine too.
But if you are thinking about trying it, then I suggest you wait until you feel more comfortable doing other things. Unless the thought of anal drives you wild, of course, in which case you should just go for it. But you are hesitant, which means this isn't up your ally. At least not quite yet. So just tell him that. I advice you to keep an open mind and talk freely with him about sex, but do remember that it is not your job as a woman to sexually please him, and there is a difference between exploring each others fantasies, and actually doing a sexual act. I think you should talk to him about anal, what he likes about it, if he's actually into it or if he's just curious etc. Some questions you might want to ask him is if he would like you to play with him there, maybe he likes it? The anus is an erogenous zone, and stimulation there can be very pleasurable. Both for him and for you. But it's not for everyone, and it is up there with what I would call advanced sex. It's not for beginners. Mainly because you CAN end up hurting one another if it's not done correctly. The anus does not lubricate itself like the vagina does, and you are more likely to "clinch" together, making penetration painful and possibly damaging. Bleeding is common, however unnecessary if things are done correctly.
Personally I wouldn't miss anal sex if I never had it again. But some times, I get my cravings for something new or "forbidden", at which point I have initiated anal sex. It is important, to me, that the one who is to be penetrated anally is the one who controls the situation and initiates it themselves. Because it IS something that could hurt, so it needs to be at my own speed, and only when I actually feel like it myself. I have had anal penetration about once every other year, lol, so not a lot! But anal play happens more frequently, where one can lick the anus, or just touch it gently with a finger tip. It can offer extra stimulation during regular intercourse, and is a good place to start if you want to explore anal sex.
Before trying anal penetration of any kind, I suggest you google for more information about how to have safe anal sex, and also look into toys that are smaller than a penis, to play with and find out what your likes and dislikes are. But for you, with the experience of a few months, I do not think you should worry about it too much yet. There are so many other things to try out before you get to that point, but maybe after you've had sex for about a year or two is when I'd find it more common to want to explore anal play (unless you already know you have a sexual preference for it).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): Personally my arse is a one way street.I don't fancy that anymore than I would let someone stick a penis in my ear canal. Nature has given me another hole specifically designed for having a penis in it, so I'm happy to stick to that.
It's a personal choice, but if you don't want to , don't do it! A guy once told me 'if I don't try it how do you know you wont like it?' I said I'd try it if he let me stick a dildo in his arse, I used the same argument. Funnily enough he never asked again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 January 2015):
 Don't do it unless you're completely comfortable with the idea. I tried it and didn't like it - it was painful and we did the whole lube/slowly thing, and I'm lucky to have a considerate husband who didn't pressure me and in fact decided it wasn't really for him either. It was more the "lets try it" aspect than anything else.
I'm glad he doesn't seem like the pressuring type, and there's nothing wrong with him voicing something he was interested in trying. Some of the posters on here talk about their boyfriends pushing or guilting them into it, and my response to them would be to have them take a big dildo in THEIR anus and see if they're still as enthusiastic as they're trying to pressure their partners to be.
Do NOT feel pressured. If you're not ready, there's nothing wrong with that! If you're intrigued, like other aunts have said, learn how to do it with the lube and things to make it easier on you.
Anal sex has risks of infection with anal tears and fissures. There is more risk for passing STI's which can lead to cancer as well.
Besides the "taboo" excitement of anal sex, many guys want to try it because they believe that the anus is tighter, which makes them think the sensations will be greater. If a guy is into porn or is used to the friction of masturbation with their hands, they may have become a bit desensitized by intercourse.
There are better and safer alternatives to anal sex, especially if you're uncomfortable with the idea or if you hate it the moment you try it. If he's looking for a stronger sensation, vibrating penis rings and other mutual toys have a very good chance of sending him further into the orgasmic stratosphere than anal ever could. Porn is a very bad educational tool when they pretend that anal is this heavenly sensation.
Edging is another way exponentially highten the sensation as well. Basically, it means bringing him as close to the "edge" as possible without going over it. An extended period of time causes maximum tightness and engorgement, making the final release that much more intense. It works for you too!
Anal is 1 technique in 99,999,999 different techniques.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015): Personally this is a huge no no for me since an ex tried this with me and eventually literally forced himself "there" when I was a teenager and it was horrible. I didnt want it, didnt enjoy it, couldnt move as he was on top of me and I was in pain for days afterwards. All I can say to you is if you dont want to do it then be firm about it, like someone else said it is not designed for that purpose and it isnt like the vagina where you are meant to enjoy it.
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A
male
reader, dusxpress  +, writes (19 January 2015):
If it is not something you think you may like, or if you know you won't like it and does not want to experiment, I would say no. There are so many other ways to enrich your sex life without anal sex.
If you want to experiment with it, clean the rectum with injected lukewarm water one or few times, until you get clean water out of your bowels after such injecting (you can buy a pear-like rubber thing you can use for that at any pharmacy. After using it, clean it just with hot water. Do not inject anything inside you that is not a plain lukewarm water.
If your bf is too much obsessed with it, find yourself new bf.
At the end, your thoughts about your look - do not underestimate or belittle yourself, your bf is obviously turned on by you, your butt included, and there will always be enough bfs who will like you the way your are.
Also, you can ask him if he wants to have something in his own butt, buy a dildo and you do his anus with it and see how he will react (this can be very interesting for him, we like our prostate being massaged through the anus (you can do that with your thumb inserted in his anus) and at the same time being provided with the gentle handjob). Learn how to make him have orgasm just by massaging his prostate through his anus (this does not make him gay or bisexual).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): I think it's far too soon for you to be even considering it, you need to get comfortable with him and sex itself maybe move on to trying other things together and seeing how the relationship goes. It's nice he can share what he wants, but you also have to remember that you're a participant in sex and not there solely to please and so YOUR pleasure matters as equally as his. If you're not certain it will be an awful experience. So give it time x
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (18 January 2015):
 Personally, this is a no-go area for me. If my BF tried to pressure me into it, then I would have to seriously reconsider the relationship. But that is just my own opinion.
There are many women who do enjoy it and find it a turn on.
You say you have only been sexually active for a few months - to me this is far too soon to be considering an act as extreme as this. You are still probably getting used to normal penis in vagina sex and all the feelings and practicalities that involves.
A lot of men see the act of anal sex in porn and see the usually fake reaction of the women, thinking it is real. They fail to remember that porn is all an act, fake, and the vast majority of women are not porn stars and don't want to be treated as a piece of meat.
They also forget that the anus was not biologically designed to have things shoved up them (unlike the vagina which is naturally lubricated for the purpose).
Ultimately this is something only you can decide. It is your body that he wants to penetrate and he will most likely be the one getting the pleasure, and he does not understand the discomfort and pain that you will likely feel.
Don't let him bully you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): Personally I don't like the idea as I am worried about bits of poo etc. I think trust is a big part of this and if you're not ready then don't. It's a very personal preference. Could you experiment with a sex toy designed for it first...that might help you discover whether you want to go further and at a pace comfortable for you. You could even experiment that way on your own!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 January 2015):
 It's not your butt he wants, it's you (how do I put it nicely?) your hole in your butt.
IF you aren't sure, I'd say don't.
Don't worry about how your butt LOOKS to him - think about HOW you feel about him wanting to put his penis in your anus, because THAT is what he wants. DO you want that?
And DO read up on "first time" advice for people wanting to try it BEFORE giving in. AND DO NOT do it because HE wants it so badly.
If you DO want to and trust him, then TALK it through first, so you know that if you try and it's just too painful or too uncomfortable for you that he stops.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (18 January 2015):
 Research it and tell him if you want to try it, but want him to be very slow and gentle (with lots of lube and a condom!)....
He's already seen your backside and he's still around and wants to pay it some attention, so that would suggest he doesn't dislike it ;)
However, if you research it and are still uncomfortable with the idea, don't give in unless your feelings about it change.
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