A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What could be the reason for this type of behavior? You would think that she would probably want to get closer to me now that she's "moving on" so to speak, but it almost feels like she's slowly distancing herself from me as well.We have been seeing each other for many years, with passion and romance as our common ground. Our combined chemistry is off the Richter scale; she often mentioned that I can always get her in the mood, regardless of how bad her day has been. So fast forward to the present. She decided to get her own place because the situation at home has become so stale and tense at home as the result of those two living together as glorified roommates. Although the move is liberating in many ways, I can also tell that it has actually compounded the stress level in her life. She's ruminating a bit about her decision and has also become more introspective regarding feelings of guilt and depression.I never pushed her to get a divorce and leave, which I view as a strong selling point. In other words, the ball was always in her court and I always had her reach out to me as opposed to becoming an additional source of stress in her life. So why is she now having doubts about me as well after being a source of unmitigated sex for many years? I thought that women don't do long term sex without emotions.
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affair, divorce, in the mood, roommate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (24 July 2014):
I think she used you as an excuse to leave him. It happened to me once. Let her go and find someone else.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 Sometimes an affair partner becomes the catalyst for the person to make changes... once those changes are made the catalyst is no longer needed.
I left my first husband in 1989 I never wanted to go back to him but the divorce was not final till 1995 by mutual agreement. Just because she has not filed for divorce does not mean she is going back.
She's just undergone a huge change... that even if she is happy about it is scary.
And yes women can easily have sex without having emotions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont think if it's a matter of me no longer being the "dirty secret" because she hasn't filed for divorce yet. She seems to be going through a stress overload phase; she's quick to fly off the handle, irritated, everything I say is the wrong answer, etc. She's probably associating her dysphoria with every event unfolding in her life, good or bad.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): Its simple: You were only exciting to her when it was a taboo. Now that you don't have to hide your relationship anymore, you're not as appealing.
I use to be in a similar situation. She left her boyfriend after 3 years of cheating for me. We ended up together for only a few months before we broke up. Turns out, she liked it better when I was her dirty little secret instead of being on the front line.
-Grym-
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): Hi ok I'm a woman in the exact same boat here who is doing what your partner is doings. I have left my stale marriage and yet also find myself feeling compelled to withdraw from the man who made me realise that something so much deeper was possible for me with somebody else.
Why? Well I think one if the main things for me is the guilt. He is a reminder to me if a period In my life that I simply want to leave behind ... I know that sounds bad but I just want to forget it all. I didn't sleep with him but my feelings and his were intense. I want to forget
The possibility for a fresh start is there for me now and the world is my oyster. There is now the chance to meet a man who can see me as a the woman I am now
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (21 July 2014):
 The short answer: your relationship was her escape from an unhappy marriage. Now that she's been 'liberated' from that marriage she no longer needs you as her escape.
Women have proven throughout the ages that we are quite adept at separating sex from emotion, and we tend to have a more pragmatic view of it anyway. There are more important things in life.
Your lady friend is no doubt very fond of you, but she's undergone a major life change. What she needs and wants right now, is personal space and time to regroup. She doesn't need sex and definitely isn't interested in making any more big commitments right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): Leaving marriage is a huge step, and very stressfull, doesn't matter how much she doesn't love him and loves you. I am sure she she loves you, but right now she needs to be alone.
There is a lot to think of, and she needs to do it in piece and quiet. Give her time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014): You stereotyped and now you're stuck. If she didn't become monogomous with you after 6 months, let alone years(!), she was never really set on you being anything more than her bit on the side.
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