A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I woke up to my bf jerking off 2 hours after I had literary begged him for sex because am always horny. He stopped immediately with a guilty look, and tried to cuddle me, but I was both shocked and disgusted. We didn't talk about it because I was so shocked, and just wanted to get out of his house.We live 2 hours away from each other, and only see each other on weekends, but recently I've become so busy that we have no time to see each other. I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks, I thought he'd want to completely ravish me but he's always complaining that he's so exhausted. I'm never satisfied because I usually wanna go for a second round, but he always turns me down after he ejaculates, claiming that he's exhausted and needs his sleep. I don't know how to react because I keep thinking, he knew that I was so horny, why would he choose to jerk off instead of just waking me up? He always wakes me up if he gets horny in the middle of the night. I've tried initiating the sex a few times, but he doesn't usually seem into it, and I get turned off. I'm feeling so stupid and upset because he chose jerking off over me, and we barely see each other.Our relationship is already rocky, and I've already tried breaking up with him a couple of times but it never works! He gets all panicky and cries whenever I try to leave. He acts like he's obsessed with me but he can't satisfy all my sexual needs. I'm I overreacting? What should I do? I'm so confused, and I don't feel like just giving up on the relationship!
View related questions:
ejaculate, horny Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 July 2014):
 He's full of it. It's easier to rub one out than it is to make love to a woman or even use her as a handy penis holder.
And the excuse that he's trying to get ready for you is an excuse... most women do not orgasm from penetration so a penis is useless there.
You have TRIED to break up with him... but you guys are 2 hours apart (the same my hubby and I were before he moved to be with me) and you have no reason or need to have him bully you into staying with him.
You are not sexually compatible. You are not happy in the relationship and since you have already discussed this with him it's highly unlikely things will change.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 A man doesn't complete you. So if you feel incomplete without him you are too dependent on him. Even more reason to leave.
Btw that stamina thing and "crashing" because he tried to make you cum? BS. Either he's interested in having sex with you or he isn't. The ONLY man I was with who ever gave me that story (yes, exact same story, being exhausted, not able to make me cum because it takes too long and yadda yadda) was the ex of mine who had a low sex drive. No one else, who had a sex drive similar to mine, EVER said they were exhausted. Not even my latest ex who could have been two weeks in field (military man) with hardly any sleep or food. When he came home and got in bed with me, it was on. Always. Too exhausted is just an excuse, the reality is: he has a low sex drive and doesn't feel like it.
He could probably also have a legit problem maintaining an erection, which has nothing at all to do with you. Most men I've come across are scared of going to the doctor if there's something wrong, especially with their penis aka manhood. So he could be having erectile dysfunction, just not having a diagnosis because he never went to his doctor about it. Never the less, it's a crappy thing to do to blame it on you, as if you somehow are too slow or there's something wrong with you for not coming fast enough.
Listen, his excuses are just that: excuses. The real problem is that you are not compatible.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI finally got around to telling him what was wrong, and he this is what he claims, "I was jerking off to get it ready for you, but then when you woke up, you just looked at me all wrong. I was exhausted after going all out to try to make you cum and I crashed." But he looked so guilty that I don't believe him. I know he's always trying to make me happy, but he's so slow to express himself. I enjoy our sex, I do, but I just don't cum, and I hate that he doesn't have stamina to keep himself hard for me! I understand that he's always exhausted because he overworks himself all week, and doesn't get enough rest, but it's so frustrating that even when I try to have sex with him, he just goes soft. I know he wants to do it, but he just doesn't have the stamina, or that's what I keep telling myself. Am super confused because I'm really in love with him, and I keep going back to him, not only because he begs but because I feel incomplete without him.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 July 2014):
I was about to say you should consider ending things, because you are not sexually compatible. And then I read on to see that you are also having a rocky relationship to begin with, and have actually tried to break up before!
Well then, your sexual incompatibility can just be added to the pile of problems in this relationship, in addition to the distance. This is a dead end. I think you will be much happier if you end things with him, for real. Don't take him back even if he cries, it's not really personal. You are simply not a good match, and that's all there is to it. Him crying wont make him a better match for you.
Sexual incompatibility is not something you decide to be, it's just something you are. I think he probably IS exhausted, I think he probably just doesn't feel like having as much sex as you do. It's not intentional, it's just the way he's wired. You're wired differently. So you should be with someone who is LIKE you, instead of getting hurt and feeling rejected by someone who just isn't like you. He's nor doing it on purpose, it's just the way he is...
I know you said you don't want to "just give up", but you're not just giving up. You've been working on this for some time already, you've taken him back, you've stayed in the relationship long after knowing you wanted out. You gave it your time and effort. You came on here to ask advice. You've tried. But it isn't going to work out, because the foundation is wrong. You'll always have these problems, no matter how much you work on it, no matter how long you stay together. The sexual problems will actually just become worse.
You need to face it and see it for what it is: you're not a good match. Nothing personal, he's probably a great guy, but he's not the one for you... And that's how simple it is. Incompatibility can not be solved with love and tears.
...............................
|
