A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married over a year and it gets worse everyday. I'm 24 and she is 25. For the first year she never liked sex. Now she won't let me touch her, kiss her, hug her, and she is mean. During sex, she rushes me, tells me to hurry, won't look at me, and is not very passionate. She always has an excuse to get out of all of this. We did not have sex before we got married, but fooled around, and she always wanted to. She stayed wet, and now shes dryer than a 90 year old woman. She is on nuvaring, if that has to do with anything. She is not cheating, so I know thats not the case. Somebody please help me!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Nothing can be done for that buddy..same here also..I am 27 and she 26...i do everything for her, but dont understand...she does not even allow me to touch her...i dont want to have an affair outside marriage or divorce her..coz I dont want sex..i want love..Dont worry..u are not alone..
A
female
reader, BB_Sweetie  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Apart from this, and please forget my young age for my mother is a psychologist and I have heard her talk to patients before:
Her not wanting any sort of normal gestures of love could be from a bad childhood experience! She might feal uncomfortable with absolutely anything you do if you don't get counciling!
I've heard lots of cases such as this one where it was some sort of trauma the person has had when young such as being raped or touched by someone she trusted when little and then feal betrayed. It sadly happens to many children and then when they are older they are very mean when having to do with these sort of topics or gestures. It could even make her irritable before during and after sex. So as everyone else has said, get counciling and find out what is wrong! It isn't always what I just told you but it can be a possibility! Find out what it is and I'm sure you'll both be more happy with each other. Good Luck~ from:-BB
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Thanks for your update.
Well, I think ... that it is a combination of maybe some physical pain during sex, plus then arguing with you and being angry. The problem is, it has snowballed. It doesn't matter how attractive you are, if a woman has gone cold on you. (I know - I have gone cold on people before, and it is a wintry freeze, I can tell you - and I used to practically come out in a rash if the person even so much as laid one finger for one second on my arm). The ONLY way through it is either some gigantic upheaval/trauma/turmoil that throws everything up in the air and makes her see you differently again (eg, a terrible illness/accident/etc. - which you really don't want to wish on yourself) - OR, going for some kind of therapy. I'm afraid no amount of massage/being nice/etc. will do anything, I suspect. Oh, there is one more possible thing - having a baby. That always changes things one way or another. But she probably won't let you touch her during the pregnancy.
Do you actually like each other now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help so far! here is the rest of the situation. even when i am romancing her, she puts it off as me being weird to her? cleaning and cooking she appreciates. ill barely touch her to massage her back, and she says it hurts. sex really hurts her too, even when i am gentle. this is the main reason she rushes me, i feel like. i heard about a condition similar to this, has anyone heard of it? also a lot of her friends have the same problem with their husbands.
we have talked about it. the other night she told me she lost the attraction after a fight. but then she said that was just out of anger? she never knew me with short hair before, i had long hair when we dated. i gave away 12+ inches before we married. im very athletic and other people think im attractive. i just dont get it. especially the part where she doesnt like me to touch her, as in holding her or cuddling. i just dont get it.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 November 2010):
 It sounds like she might be a victim of sexual abuse of some kind. If she were, the sex she has with you is a trigger to those past feelings, and she is taking her anger out on you.
Read the book, The sexual healing journey by Dr Wendy Maltz. It is about how to have a sex life with a partner that has been sexually abused.
Now, it could just be a side effect of the medication she is on, but the facts that the two of you never had sex before marriage, and she does not look at you, and just agrees to it for you to "hurry and get it over with"....this is not actual intimacy.
Joint therapy with a marriage and sex therapist might be something for the two of you to consider.
Although sex is not the entire relationship, it is a major part of it. Even without sex, there still needs to be some intimacy, and that is something you also seem to be missing.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Well, there's always the possibility that she needs Psychiatric help. She might have some anger management problems. They always talk about men being angry. But I guess women can get angry too. And the angrier you get, the less you want sex.
Haven't you ever felt a rush of anger inside you which put you off sex?
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (26 November 2010):
 There are a couple of other possibilities that come to mind. She may have a bad attitude towards sex due to religious training. She may have a history of sexual abuse that you are unaware of. Or she could be Lesbian. I definitely agree that more romance and non sexual intimacy would be helpful. But on top of that couples therapy is certainly called for. There are also some other medications that would be more likely to cause her problems that the birth control. You probably need professional help to get through this.
FA
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 November 2010):
Either she has gone off you, or this is a reaction to the nuvaring. I would imagine it is the nuvaring. See below for side effects.
The only way to be sure is for her to go off the nuvaring. I would suggest that, because I think that if she has completely gone off sex (and the dryness could also be to do with it), then it isn't a suitable method of birth control for her. And it CERTAINLY isn't for you!
These are the side effects listed for nuvaring:
The common side effects reported by NuvaRing® users are:
Vaginal infections and irritation
Vaginal secretion
Headache
Weight gain
Nausea
In addition to the risks and side effects listed above, users of combination hormonal birth control methods have reported the following side effects:
Vomiting
Change in appetite
Abdominal cramps and bloating
Breast tenderness or enlargement
Irregular vaginal bleeding or spotting
Changes in menstrual cycle
Temporary infertility after treatment
Fluid retention (edema)
Spotty darkening of the skin, particularly on the face
Rash
Weight changes
Depression
Intolerance to contact lenses
Nervousness
Dizziness
Loss of scalp hair
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Err... could she have fallen out of love with you?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 November 2010):
You've got to talk to her (and clearly not mention the comparison between her and a 90 year old woman). Only she knows what the problem is, and since she's married to you, she really does need to her reasons with you. It could be that this is a side effect to the nuvaring. But she needs to open up to you, because clearly your marriage will start to fall apart if she doesn't.
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