A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A little background: I'm someone who never thought about marriage because my parents went through a 6 year long divorce and I don't really understand what love is. I ended up getting married because I got pregnant and we needed the insurance. I know that I care a lot about my husband and I love him or at least I think I do. However, he has 2 younger brothers. One is turning 15 and making odd advances. I've known him since he was 10 so I keep viewing him as a 10 year old, but some of the stuff he says blows my mind. I don't understand how he acts this way and is so confident. He lives in another state from us and visits in the summer time and during winter break. I am content somewhat in my relationship, but he's always making odd comments like: "I'm basically your husband. I'm like a twin of him." and he always brings up our ages. I'm 23 and he is always saying stuff like "You're not that old. Like I'm pretty close in age to you." I always make remarks about him being a kid still. When he visits, my husband works all the time and so his little brother likes to help me with my son (who is 2). For the most part things appear normal, but there's been odd instances like when my son is asleep for a nap or something that B-I-L will hug onto me really tight and this one time he was like touching my lips and I backed off saying that it wasn't cool.Anyways, my main issue happened the other night. We were talking on this game we play. And we talked for way too long. I was literally falling asleep but I had caffeine too late in the day so my body was buzzing and I felt delirious. Anyways, while we were talking he was telling me about some party he went to and was expecting to get screwed during it. I was just listening to his story and commenting on like "Don't go for a slutty girl cuz they get around and especially ones that are so eager to show off nudes and stuff". But I know how old and annnoying that sounds because I used to hear it when I was younger too and it tends to have the opposite affect. So he's like "Can I ask you questions about things I want to understand? I just think we should get things off our chests." I was like uhh OK? So he starts asking me all these questions... some were normal like "what does a vagina feel like" and other stuff which I was like hmm this is uncomfortable but I'm the only girl in his life that is younger than 40. He started asking personal questions about me and my husband (his brother). He admires his brother a lot and they look very similar. Like a picture of my husband at that age and seeing this kid they look almost identical and very similar personalities. Anyway, I was out of my mind and just talking and answering the questions. I kept saying like "Look I'm your sister in law, I don't think this is something we should be talking about." and he was like "I'm just trying to understand things that I can't ask my mom." So I mentioned talking to his brothers about it and he was like "They're always busy and it's easy to talk with you." So finally I just said I had to go because it was getting too personal and uncomfortable and ever since I've been freaking out that I said too much and I don't want to be encouraging anything... Especially because he's YOUNG. Like I still see him as a kid. Nothing sexual or anything. At all. I told my husband about the convo and he keeps saying that it's normal and that it's just because B-I-L is comfortable with me. My husband is happy that I'm there for him because his parents are divorced and it affected all the brothers a lot, but especially the youngest. And I've noticed he's attached himself to me, but I'm just wondering if it's a healthy attachment and if this is normal...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): I know when I was 11-15, I had a brother in law making those same type of comments to me about looking like my sister, trying to massage me, etc. I know it bothered me a lot, made me feel uncomfortable, etc. It sort of appals me that everyone is taking this so lightly. 'Oh, Hehe, how cute, he is just a normal lad, isn't he?' Bull shit. You're a saint to humor him, but seriously, put your foot down if you're uncomfortable! Its nor your job to be a counciler, a savior or a therapist to this kid. You still think of him as a child but pretend he is some stranger 15 year old. Knowing him and being 'related' does not give him the right. Don't let yourself be in any situation that you are not comfortable in!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): there are two chances..
One as you fear .. he is trying hard to have a chance on you. for that he wont be considering any relations.
Two .. just normal and might be very much open since he expects you too are such
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 June 2014):
 Sounds like the BIL has a bit of a crush on you (normal)
and your responses were PERFECT IMO.
I would strongly urge your husband to take off more time when his brother comes to visit as I do think that BIL has taken the crush beyond knowing what is appropriate or not.
continue to put up the boundaries you are comfortable having with him. He's 15 which means his hormones are high and raging and you being ok talking to him means he trusts you and that sometimes for teen boys can go all wonky.
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A
male
reader, The Corporate Casanova +, writes (11 June 2014):
 If your brother-in-law is being playful in his actions, then he might be teasing you because he cares about you.
But if he is serious in his words and deeds (and forgive me if I were going about it the wrong way), then he might be on the verge of sexual confusion.
Either way, it's just the way he is. Just try not to take it personally.
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