A
male
age
41-50,
*nluky80
writes:I just got dumped badly from my girl after 11 years. I am 29. We purchased an appartment 2 years ago and the home loan is in both our names. Her parents gave us $60000 towards the place when we bought it. She now wants to sell and her lawyers sent me a letter saying when the place sells she gets the $60000 and then we split the profit from the place. Her parents always wanted me to sign a legal document saying the $60000 is theirs if we broke up but I never did (thinking we would never break up). Now that she has really screwed me over here I want to know if I can take half of that money, not just the profit. Im not this kinda guy but "stuff her" is all im thinking now. Also she reckons her parents wrote a letter to their lawyers when they handed over the money saying it is a gift for her, but I didnt sign anything. So basically our homeloan statement shows our debt minus the 60K, and she wants the 60k back in full
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Also not qualified to give you legal advice. My 2 cents: Not having anything in writing goes both ways: Her parents and she will say that the 60k was a gift to her, as their daughter, not to you as a couple. You will not be able to prove otherwise. And her parents will have a record (a bank statement) to show it was their money. They may, in addition, have written a letter or otherwise documented that they intended it as a gift to just their daughter. In general, even married couples walk away with gifts that were acquired pre-marriage -without splitting it -think inheritances. I think it's a loss, and, you're a loser for wanting to claim 30k you didn't earn and don't deserve. As for the person who says "spend a little money." You may end up spending a lot of money to fight for this money -and I hope where you are, if you do that, your ex and/or her parents can also charge you for her attorneys' fees in the end since you'd be acting in bad faith!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 I'm sure you want to get back at her because you're hurt and angry; this is not the place to do it. Your loan documents, both for the home and the loan from the parents, should have the legalese in them that covers this kind of split.
You're entitled to feel resentment about the split, but you're not entitled to screw her parents out of their money just to make a point to their daughter.
Face it, if you do this, then you are "that kinda guy".
Walk away with your share, which doesn't include the $60K. Consider this a lesson learned and try to remember why contracts were invented. In the final analysis, you never would have had that house if they hadn't given you the loan, now, would you? Be the bigger man, not the petty guy.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (29 July 2009):
I am not an expert and I strongly suggest you talk to a lawyer about this (paying a few hundred of dollars to get 30K is nothing, especially if she hurts you and you want to return the favor).
However, in my opinion, the 3 most important things in this case are:
1) "Her parents gave ***us*** $60000 towards ***the place*** when we bought it"
2) The loan is in ***both*** of your names
3) You never signed anything about that 60k.
I think you can get your 30k if you have a *good* lawyer.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 July 2009):
 Talk to a lawyer but it certainly sounds like you are screwed to me. This is exactly why couples should always keep their finances separate unless they are legally married. But in reality don't you think she should be entitled to money since it was from her parents in the first place and earmarked for the apartment down payment?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Get an attorney immediately! It could just be a "scare" tactic, attorney's do that you know. Spend a little money & know your rights. And never, and I mean never, purchase a home with someone who isn't your spouse. Good luck! : )
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