A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help! I'm so confused about what I'm doing! I'm a 32 year old female who has been married to a man for the past 3 years. I've always identified as 100% straight. And now I just don't know what the heck I'm feeling anymore.I started working at a new job a few months back, and upon my first day, was introduced to a girl that worked there. She instantly made my jaw drop. She's so beautiful but also has a hint of masculinity to her, which I just found so attractive. I found myself just wanting to be around her all the time. We connected very quickly and easily. I asked for her number right off the bat and we chatted a lot. And I added her on social media, where I discovered, much to my dismay, that she was in a relationship with another woman. Of course, I logically knew that I couldn't actually be jealous because I am married. But I guess one cant really help their feelings. That's when I first realized that maybe what I was feeling wasn't friendship towards her and maybe it was more. But I wasn't sure because I'd never liked a girl before. Since then, things have just blossomed between us. We talk constantly, all day, every day, and I find myself thinking about her nonstop. I feel like I've fallen completely in love with her. And the feelings are mutual. I know what I'm doing is wrong because I'm married and she's with someone. And she's expressed feelings of guilt too, but doesn't know what to do about her feelings either. But this has just rocked my entire world. I've never even so much as looked at another girl in this way before and now, she's all I think about. What the hell am I doing? I feel like I'm having an internal crisis. How am I supposed to handle what I'm feeling? I don't think I've ever been more confused in my entire life.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2022):
 I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee.
" I know what I'm doing is wrong because I'm married and she's with someone." So why do you continue?
It sounds like you are participating in an emotional affair or the beginning of one. DO you think that is OK when you are married? Would you be OK with your hubby doing what YOU are doing? My guess is no, so get a grip.
"What the hell am I doing?"
You are either not happy in your marriage or fulfilled by your spouse or you are realizing that you are CURIOUS as to romance with a woman. Or you are bored and want some excitement and entertainment in your life.
I can't tell you what, YOU know it better than any of us would.
You know this behavior is NOT OK. You know this behavior is UNPROFESSIONAL.
So what to do? Tell the coworker that you are going to cut ALL contact that isn't work-related from now on. And then you stick to that.
Maybe also have a little think about your husband and marriage. Because I don't think someone in a happy marriage would do this. So perhaps, identify what is not working and either talk to your husband and MAKE things work or figure out the next step, instead of throwing a nuke at your marriage and HER relationship.
You are not a teenager. You CAN control yourself and act like a grown woman.
The reality is that most people are perhaps a little fluid in their sexuality. And then added the huge focus on sex, sexual orientations and goodness know what else in society today, no wonder people can get confused.
BUT, being confused is not an excuse to behave badly. There is no excuse to cheat.
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (14 April 2022):
 I think this is to early to be called love, this is someone that you work with and are crushing on. Unlike love crushes don't last forever, infact can often be short lived.
I know these feeling's make you feel good, and its all you think about, but i would advise on not taking any action as it could very well spell the end of your marriage and your job.
This is not school, this is work. I think you need to come back down to reality, appreciate the fact that yes you have been married for three years, and yes you are at the job you are at to perform your duties to the best of your abilities.
How are you supposed to handle what you are feeling?. realise that its a crush and let it fizzle out of its own accord. Keep your feelings to yourself and concentrate on your job. Nothing is ever going to come of this crush, which i think you know that already.
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