A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering about this situation. Explanation is a bit long so bear with me. I have a new coworker who is in the cubicle next to mine. He is probably 5 or so years younger than me. He is best friends with another coworker (female), which is how he got the job. Let's call him "Damon", and her "Jen". Mine is obviously irrelevant, but you can think of me as "Isla". I (Isla) took a smoke break one day and joined Damon and Jen, who were bitching about life in general. My usual snark-fest smoker friend (Helen) was out that day, so I told them lightly that they should invite me out next time they were going for a smoke. However, apparently Jen doesn't like me very much, so later Damon told me that while he would smoke with me, I wouldn't be invited to go with the two of them because Jen is (always) Having Drama. I could be insulted, but whatever. Life's too short to care about holding a grudge. So...fast forward a few months. I have been kinder to Jen, complimented her on her earrings and such, I can tell she still dislikes me but I'm not looking to be her work bestie, meh. It's just that she gives me such dirty looks if I talk to Damon in her presence. Even if we're both talking to him. Damon, however, has become very friendly towards me. He offered to fix my car repeatedly -- I didn't ask him, mind you, he offered and I explained that my boyfriend was going to fix it (eventually, lol). Anyway, we take all of our smoke breaks together before Jen comes in, and chat a lot, in a friendly way on my part you understand. I don't flirt with him. He comes into my cubicle every morning to say hi, gets upset if I ignore him through the cubicle wall, calls me "darling" and stands quite close to me. He is very apologetic that Jen doesn't like me (I don't take it personally ... She hates everybody).One more scenario: we were all in the parking lot getting ready to go to our individual lunches elsewhere. I lit up a smoke and Damon made a beeline to my side to talk to me. Jen saw us and looked furious, then came over and turned the conversation around so it was about her. What is going on here? Jen has a boyfriend, so why is she so possessive of Damon? And do you think Damon just wants to be my friend? (I like having work friends, romantic entanglements not so much.)
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 I don't think he is blowing hot and cold, he likes hanging out with you, he also probably gets a thrill knowing that it makes Jen jealous. It is stroking his male ego. Him calling you darling, well maybe he calls his friends that, I know people who use it loosly and not in a romantic way. My advice? Keep being friendly and get your work done, don't get caught up in any play school drama and you will be okay.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 September 2016):
 Jen is possessive even if Damon is "just" her friend. Maybe that is just who she is. My guess is she got him the job there so that SHE could have a buddy at all times at work.
As for Damon, I think he is enjoying the slight rivalry between you two. I think he is actually playing you out against Jen for shits and grins. After all, he is the one who gets attention from the both of you.
And I think he genuinely wants to make work friends as well.
Could also be that he is over compensating with the friendliness because Jen is being semi-hostile, so he thinks him being oh so charming will defuse the situation.
I'd stick to being professional and friendly and not much else. A co-worker calling you Darling? eh. little over the top don't you think?
So I don't think HE is blowing hit/cold here.
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