A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I (18,M) was playing basketball with my sister's (28,F) boyfriend CJ (25,M) a few days ago, and I was really starting to get frustrated because he's like 6 foot 4 and I'm 5 foot 4 so it was a blowout. He was talking a lot of trash and tried to dunk on me, so I pushed him while he was in mid-air, and he landed awkwardly. He told me that he wasn't going to tell my sister because she's a total b***h and will freak out over nothing. Somehow she found out anyways,showed up to the hospital, and completely cursed me out in front of everybody. I kind of expected that, but usually she does that and we are good the next day. But for the last past days, I have been texting her, calling her, everything, and she is not responding. I know I am the blame for his injury but he is over it so why can't she. Today I was talking to CJ and his ankle is doing good he told me not to worry about my sister, she will get over it, and for a second I believe him. A hour ago she knocked on the door, gave CJ a kiss and just said "you ready to go" that's when CJ said " don't you have something to say to your brother?" and my sister said "Let's go, NOW!!" It was a brief stare down between them two but my sister's stared him down sharply and CJ said "sorry bro", he even tried to give me a bro hug, but she pulled him away. I don't really like my sister because of her horrible personality but regardless of that I love her, and want her back in life. What can I do?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (22 September 2016):
 Thanks Cindy, I don't really want to discuss basketball but it seems insuperable from the discussion.
when I said Every level of competition I meant EVERY level. From grade school to jail yard, to professional ball. Women are just as bad, in high School the women play rougher. Where ever a hoop is set up there will be trash talk. There will be strategic fouling. The coaches teach it.
I don't know much about soccer but as near as I can tell there is no other sport where common sense safety rules are violates intentionally as part of a strategy.
Now to the OP. There are some things you need to learn for yourself. One is to control your temper and to think ahead. at 18, I don't expect you to be very good at that but I do expect you to improve rapidly.
At 28 I fully expect your Sister to show you a better example than this. But Don't hang your hopes on that. Accept that this is what she is going to do and move on without her.
I am about your height, and on sa personal note just in case you are reading this. You will never look anything but silly playing basketball. Go Golfing with CJ instead.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 Drawing fire, FA ? Oh no. Not really. At least, be assured that's ..friendly fire :)
I understand part of what you are saying. I guess you basically mean that the sister is as abusive emotionally as the kid brother was physically , and that damaging a sibling reationship is as bad or worse as damaging somebody's ankle.
I do not necessarily agree with you , because a ) I take with a pinch of salt the character profile given by a teen brother about an older sister:). Find me the teen boy who does not think , at least occasionally,that Sis is a big b...h. b) the sibling relationship is not " destroyed " for all we know. Young siblings do bicker and do row some times, it happens in the best families.
But, I can see where you are coming from and I respect your views .
What I cannot see is how people think that an intentional physical attack brought with the intention to cause bodily harm , in response to a mild provocation like some competitive heckling, is no big deal, and just normal horseplay and juvenile high spirits, and part and parcel of a sport game.
Where ? In a game played in the jail's courtyard , maybe !
All games have rules and regulations to protect the players's safety, otherwise it's not a sport , it's a brawl.
That often the nature of some games bring players to inadvertently neglect the rules, or to *risk* causing harm to the opponent to score a point- so be it.
But doing on purpose something illicit ( and illegal ! ) to cripple a player because you are " frustrated " that he is taller than you ? Seriously ? Maybe the sister's stern , uncompromising stance will be what it takes for this guy to learn self control and prevent him from ending up in front of a court of justice !
Soccer too is a very " physical " sport where the chance for , say, torn ligaments is high. When you try to steal the ball from each other, kneecaps clash ,malleoluses get kicked hard, etc. But one thing is to damage an opponent's kneecap because in the heat of the game you "marked " him too tight, all another would be taking a hammer and driving it down on his kneecap. The first offence will get you a yellow card from the referee - the second a jail sentence.
I must specify that I don't know anything about basketball, I never followed it or watched a game on TV for more than seconds, literally. But, if this is the way that's played, and that's acceptable to play it, as unbelievable as it sounds to me, then I am very happy that I always changed channels.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (21 September 2016):
I seem to be drawing some fire for my stance against the older sister.
I did in fact characterize her behaviors as destructive, which when juxtapositioned against the damage done on the basketball court looks to be the lesser injury. I've decided to come back and defend my position. 1 Sister has a reported history of verbal abuse and overreaction. 2 CJ (the physically injured party) seems OK with his suffering. It appears to me that he accepts an ankle injury as a normal risk to playing basketball. 3) OP's report is that this is unusually harsh on the part of Sister. She is willing to destroy a sibling relationship over this.
Now I am not actually minimizing the physical injury, just because I'm willing to recognize the emotional abuse that is happening. I did offer criticism of basketball and the actions of both players. I did not want to go into a whole diatribe on the social ills of Basketball. The fact is that the behaviors on display in this post (trash talking, and deliberate fouling) are present at every level this game is played. Those are just Some of the reasons I don't like the sport.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 September 2016):
Hey maybe it's me. In fact , it must be me; but I just don't get it. I am amazed.
You send a guy to the hospital, because you intentionally, want to hurt him physically - and you want to hurt him physically because he was teasing you ?!- and everybody thinks ,oh no big deal. " You said sorry many times " ( ... I don't read that you said many times you were sorry , just that you called and texted your sister many times, which is not like apologizing many times ) " you don't have to grovel "...
I'll be honest, my unpopular opinion is that you HAVE to grovel, grovel as if you'd get paid for grovelling , grovel as if it there is a contest for Best Groveller 2016 !
What you did is assault and battery- maybe aggravated battery if he got a prognosis of more than X days .
It was not "an accident ", because it's quite clear that you know that pushing someone mid air is dangerous and forbidden. You KNEW you could hurt him ( and you did ).
At the same time, it seems you don't know that you CANNOT answer to verbal assaults with physical blows - that's strange for an 18 y.o., they cover that at kindergarten.
Yes, of course your sister will get over it. She is your sister. She would get over even worse stuff than this. But please do not take advantage of the fact that as her kid brother you probably could get away with murder. My humble opinion is that is not surprising that she is mad or just ,like, disgusted ?- and that perhaps the best way to speed up her coming over this , is not doing like everybody advises you,i.e. minimizing what happened with a " boys will be boys " attitude, but showing her that you understood that what you did was majorly out of order
( if you understood it ) and that you are sincerely sorry (if you are) : sorry about having behaved like a thug, not just sorry that Sis is coldish to you .
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 oh to be perfect hey? have to agree, seems like she is just exercising her right to be annoyed. Healthy sporting aggression is not the same as a deliberate 'I'm gonna fuck up up man'. He is her bf and well...he did end up in hospital! Give her some space let her have her tantie. There are so many times you can say sorry and you have already done that. Just keep on keeping on in time she'll come round.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (21 September 2016):
You have a pretty good attitude for someone your age, being able to value a person despite their behaviors. My advice would be to keep your guard up. The trouble with loving someone with destructive habits is that you will get hurt from time to time. You can never fully commit to them.
CJ is right she will get over it.
On the other hand I can't fully support your basketball habit. I don't have much love for the sport, for precisely the kind of behavior you two were displaying on the court. But, you could do worse.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 It's only been a few days, so she probably sees it as you being an irritating, immature "little" brother who did it on purpose. She probably will get over it, but don't grovel to her - give her time and space. No more calling or texting for a while.
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