A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex split from his wife a few months ago and has been renting a room from me since. The reason why he chose my place is because I have a son for him and thought that we'd get it back on as he made a mistake marrying her. (He's been out of my life for 7 years and married for the last 4. I was living overseas with my son for the last two years with the intention of never to return.) When he came back we did have a little fling but my feelings for him had obviously changed and I no longer wish to be in a relationship with him for many reasons i.e he's married. I suggested that we should just remain friends but he isn't happy about that because he wants a cook, cleaner, bed partner, etc which I have refused to accommodate. From time to time this has been acceptable but on occasions he has made passes at me when he wants sex. I keep explaining that I don't want to take if further because in my mind he is still married and I really do not trust him. He assures me that it is completely over with his wife and would never go back to her but I have told him that he should be looking about a divorce if he seriously wants me to consider him.However, I know for a fact that he speaks to her almost every day as I have seen her number come up several times on his mobile which he tries to keep with him at all times. I also believe he goes down to hers from time to time as he is still picking up stuff from there. He does however seem to be sleeping in his own bed at nights for now though! And just today I found that she has recently signed up on Facebook and is communicating with him there. She has even posted pictures of them in a couple of photos, one of them being a photo from her wedding album. They also seem to share the same friends so clearly this is not a relationship where divorce is on the cards.Whenever I try to ask him what the situation is with them he says it's over and they are not speaking. However, neither of them seems to be talking divorce and after seeing that she is communicating with him on Facebook it is telling me that it's just a matter of time before he's back with her - he did this to me before - came back for 6 weeks then left and married her which I keep reminding him about but he assures me it won't happen again. She knows where he is staying and I feel this could be part of the reason why she is trying to get him back with her. On my part, I have not been encouraging anything with him and have just been trying to keep it strictly amicable and friendly. I know he is getting frustrated with the situation here with me as I am not giving him any signals to move forward and perhaps she is saying what he wants to hear.The thing that frustrates me is that he keeps saying he wants us to be a couple and saying things to try to make me believe that he really wants to be with me and my son, whilst on the other hand he is definately talking to her. How long do I have to watch this game play out for? Is he just biding his time here whilst they sort out their diffeneces but in the meantime what should I do? I feel like piggy in the middle.
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female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (14 December 2011):
You are being made a total fool of, and you know it. He is trying the classic, having his cake and eating it. If you need to rent a room out for money, get another tennant. This situation is full of aggro for you, you just need to ask him to leave and then re-ajust and find someone else in time. Don't let any more of your life be wasted by this man and his ridiculous antics.
Read the signs. x
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 December 2011):
 "How long do I have to watch this game play out for?"
You play the game for as long as you want to. He's not holding you, you decided to join this game for your own reasons.
"I feel like piggy in the middle"
You are piggy in the middle.. for whatever reasons you decided to have this guy back in your life as a romantic interest. Him being a father to your son is one thing, you act together as parents. You renting him a room is another thing, he is a lodger and he pays his rent and looks after himself. Him and you talking about getting together whilst he is still married, still in frequent contact with his wife... that's a whole different ball game.. this makes things personal, and your still in the situation of a woman in love with a married man who might go back to his wife.
It might be good for him to be there for a while because of your son. Not sure about that, parents that go and come create instability and that is the worse thing to do to any child. It might be a good idea for him to live there because you need the money, and if he stays with you then he can spend more on your kid... not sure about that either, he could live with his wife again, and then he'd still have that extra money to give to you.
Living with you as a romantic interest whilst still deciding whether to divorce or not... bad, bad, idea.. you stay waiting, and he might go back to her, or he might not. Whatever it is, he's giving you headaches, causing you stress and really isn't in the position to promise you anything.
mmmm... kick him out, tell him to live alone and sort his head out. Forget about the money, it's not worth the stress. If he wants to see your son, he can visit or access the kid like he did before. When he's divorced and woman free for a couple of months, you'll know for sure that it's you he wants and there won't be any more you, her and him.
PS: I think I remember you posting before... but for the life of me, I can't remember what was happening then.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): I would end it for good because he is lying to and playing both of you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 December 2011):
"How long do I have to watch this game play out for?"You play the game for as long as you want to. He's not holding you, you decided to join this game for your own reasons."I feel like piggy in the middle"You are piggy in the middle.. for whatever reasons you decided to have this guy back in your life as a romantic interest. Him being a father to your son is one thing, you act together as parents. You renting him a room is another thing, he is a lodger and he pays his rent and looks after himself. Him and you talking about getting together whilst he is still married, still in frequent contact with his wife... that's a whole different ball game.. this makes things personal, and your still in the situation of a woman in love with a married man who might go back to his wife.It might be good for him to be there for a while because of your son. Not sure about that, parents that go and come create instability and that is the worse thing to do to any child. It might be a good idea for him to live there because you need the money, and if he stays with you then he can spend more on your kid... not sure about that either, he could live with his wife again, and then he'd still have that extra money to give to you.Living with you as a romantic interest whilst still deciding whether to divorce or not... bad, bad, idea.. you stay waiting, and he might go back to her, or he might not. Whatever it is, he's giving you headaches, causing you stress and really isn't in the position to promise you anything.mmmm... kick him out, tell him to live alone and sort his head out. Forget about the money, it's not worth the stress. If he wants to see your son, he can visit or access the kid like he did before. When he's divorced and woman free for a couple of months, you'll know for sure that it's you he wants and there won't be any more you, her and him.PS: I think I remember you posting before... but for the life of me, I can't remember what was happening then.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Kick him out. He has it way too easy.
And You DO HAVE FEELINGS for him and are feeling jealous and resentful. Unnecessary drama.
He needs constant approval, attention, affection- hes an addict so he gets to use you for a home, friendship, flirting, possible sexual tension/excitement, AND still keep things open with his Ex.
He has many traits of a SERIAL CHEATER which means hes untrustworthy and unreliable.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Seven-Signs-of-Cheaters---How-To-Spot-A-Serial-Cheater&id=706938
http://www.discoversignsofcheating.com/cheating-articles/cheating-reasons/dealing-with-serial-cheaters/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Rather you than me, he seems to me to be keeping his options open and whichever of you offers the whole package first - well he's the prize.
I think if you can have him as just a lodger,platonic, with no thought of a future then it can carry on as it is, but if him contacting his ex and lying to you IS a problem,because you want more, then suggest he finds another room elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 December 2011):
 What should you do? Ask him to move out and forget about him once and for all.
You have said it yourself - "he wants a cook, cleaner, bed partner". Hence why he is playing you, he is trying to have his cake and eat it. He knows he has 2 women who both want him and he is loving it, he will be enjoying the attention hence why this game is carrying on for ages.
How many more times does he need to hurt you before you finally give up on him? He came back to you for 6 weeks and then married her....that should have been the end of it for you!
He doesnt love you, doesnt care about you, doesnt respect you and doesnt want a relationship with you - let it go! He is just using you and will be back with his wife/ex wife (whatever she is) and you will just be hurt again.
Ask him to move out and put him in the past, this is not working and never will work, so move on once and for all. Yes you have a child together so he has to see his son, but aside from that you have no need to be in his life and he shouldnt be in yours. So delete him off Facebook, stop watching what him and his ex are doing and get on with your own life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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