A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this woman I met online now for about two months now and I'll be honest when it comes to the physical attraction I just don't find her as attractive as I want to find a girl I date to be.I find myself looking at other women when we go out together and I feel horrible because I know I feel unsatisfied. I love petite women, and she is a little thick and has curly hair and has fat on her face. On top of that she doesn't dress up to much when we go out.I find myself looking at women who wear high heels and black dresses and saying in my mind, wow look at her she is HOT!. I don't feel the same way when I look at this woman I am dating. I so badly want to feel that way however.A part of me however is feeling like I'm being overly superficial because when it comes to our personalities, we are so compatible, we laugh at the same things, we have similar views on things and we just really love spending time together.What do I do because I feel so torn.
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met online, move on, petite Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): As I always say - Looks attract the eyes, but personality attracts the heart.
Two compatible personalities make for a good lasting relationship, where as you could date someone that looks like a super model, but has the personality of a bear with a sore backside.
That kind of shallow relationship won't last five minutes.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Hi
If you stay with her the odds are high you will eventually stray, you will meet somebody who WILL light your fire and the temptation will be hard to resist.
Finish it, its only fair on her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): yes, it's not nice, but none of us can help it! there has to be some level of attraction for a relationship to really work. But if it just a question of those things you mentioned, like her dress sense and hair, you can subtly mention things like, 'I imagine you'd really look nice with straight hair, have you ever considered straightening it?' and try encourage her in fitness and if you take her out, go somewhere fancy and tell her something like 'apparently it's a really classy place, so maybe we should dress up tonight'...who knows, maybe she would appreciate the opportunity for a little bit of a change, especially if you are complimentary about it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Looks matter more the younger you are. But you're young now, so it's an important thing. You have to choose, and that needs to be done quickly.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (14 August 2012):
 There isn't much worse than dating someone you have no attraction to. And comparing them to other people you wish you were with... I've been there. It isn't shallow, it just is what it is. Everyone has their type. I wouldn't reccomend trying to change her looks to suit you, mainly because it's a body type issue. The guy I dated was overweight and I prefer smaller builds and he tried to lose it but to no avail. Plus it made me feel horrible because I didn't accept him as he was. Just let her go. Besides you want to find someone who has it all, not a great friendship with someone you don't want to kiss or be physical with.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 August 2012):
 If you don't find her attractive then you don't find her attractive.
I can tell you that my fiance did not like how I dressed... I've changed how I dress when I go out with him. He told me what he likes and he was told he could have say in what I wear when I go out with him but not for work or with my friends.
As for curly hair... I was a curly haired red head when we started... I went back to my natural color (darkest brown) and now wear it straight... because he said he likes dark straight hair.
Now changing her look... might not be for her and not what she wants to do... I was ripe for the changes and I offered to make these changes based on what he told me.... and for us it worked.
So my take on it is that you must be totally honest with her about what the issue is... tell her exactly what you told us... that she's "not your type"
and it will not be pleasant...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 August 2012):
 Having a great personality is great! But, for a relationship to work there has to be some chemistry. And if she doesn't light your fire, maybe you need to let her go, so she can find a guy who will love her for WHO she is and how she looks.
I know people don't want to be shallow (for the most part) but it sounds like settling to date someone who isn't physical match as well as an intelligent match. We all want both.
You have to ask yourself, IS this a dealbreaker or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): "I just don't find her as attractive as I want to find a girl I date to be."
Aside from confusing grammar that sentence is your answer OP. You can't make yourself attracted to someone and it's not very fair on her to be with her but wanting other girls more than her that you feel are prettier.
If you feel bad about this then consider this; do you think she'd really want to continue seeing a guy who is not attracted to her physically and lusts after other girls?
Then you know what to do here OP.
You're only dating and without the attraction you're pretty much just friends.
You're not being superficial OP, attraction matters. Do you really think this can go anywhere without being attracted to her?
Don't waste any more of her time by leading her on OP. The longer you leave it the harder this will be for her and if she is a lovely as you say then you want to do your best to spare her feelings.
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