A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend and we talk everyday. As far as looks go, I consider myself to be attractive, and I believe we are very compatible personality-wise, and we have many similar interests. We've been together for over a year now, so it's not a new relationship, and we've grown used to the distance while still looking forward to seeing each other again, etc. (The move is college related.) So that's a little background.My problem comes when I see girls commenting on his statuses on Facebook (Yes, Facebook -_-) saying they miss him and that he owes them hugs and flirting and such. It's also pretty obvious that he only sees them as friends though, and I don't mind if he hugs his friend, since I hug my friends, both guys and girls. It's just really bothersome to see girls flirting with him when I'm so far away and can't put any distance between them. I've also never been the type of girl to want a guy to ignore his female friends for me, and I still don't want to be that way.I think it only really bothers me because he's so far away that I can't even hug him myself, and because girls didn't start commenting on his statuses with these things until we changed our relationship statuses on Facebook.I'm not sure if I'm silly for being bothered by these things or if it seems like a valid reason to be bothered, especially since I don't doubt his feelings for me and I trust him 100%, I just don't trust females (especially since I've heard some things from him about some of his new female friends, and it's usually the same girls that reacted a bit surprised/negative when we told everyone about our relationship). Personally, I think it's just one of those silly things girls do for attention and to make themselves feel superior to other girls, but even so, it still bothers me. So how do I keep myself from being bothered? I feel like if I tell him it bothers me, there won't be much he can do about it besides tell the girls to stop, but since I don't think he realizes it when it happens, they'll probably just take advantage of being able to do it outside of Facebook. I think I'm just thinking about it too much, but is there any advice?Also, if him cheating comes to mind, again, I trust him 100%, and even if I didn't, all of his closest friends are also my close friends that I've known even longer than he has, so I doubt that would ever go unnoticed. But you'd have to know him/us to know that the chance of cheating, on both ends, is zero :P If there's anything I'm confident about, it's that. So yeah, advice?
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facebook, flirt, insecure, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much, So_Very_Confused
Reading that response made even the slightest bit of frustration that I had left disappear.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 January 2013):
 Ah see that's the crux of most issues I see in this case
A woman is acting inappropriate with a "taken" man and the partner (female) is not happy about it... but the truth is if you trust your partner he's as annoyed by it as you are... and HE WILL DEAL WITH IT..
we as women who are truly loved my men do not have to worry about other women making themselves look foolish going after happily taken men.
Happily taken men are totally clueless normally that they are being hit on..... because their radar is turned off....
You could put my husband in a room of young,sexy, attractive, available Asian women in short skirts and high heeled boots (this is the type that turns his head) and I would not bat an eye... he would look... he would enjoy he would not do anything to undermine or risk our relationship... even if they offered and came on to him... "no sorry I'm married" (maybe with a hint of sadness in his voice) would be what he would say.... BECAUSE HE'S HAPPILY COMMITTED.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can handle the LDR part, I just don't like girls flirting with him when I don't even have the option to stop them if they go overboard. If it were in person, I'd easily be able to calmly express my dislike for said actions, say for instance a girl hugged him in a way that was too intimate. And that's IF I was around, but these same girls are girls that ignore him when I'm around, and ignored him when I lived back home (where they are). My ONLY issue was being able to keep this behavior from bothering me, as it seems like a subtle/passive-aggressive way to bother me since these girls have always seemed to react negatively to me.
It's not really bothering me anymore since I talked to my best friend and my boyfriend about it and they all cleared some things up. Apparently he even found the comments weird since he rarely talks to/sees these girls even when I'm not around. I also didn't take into consideration that he didn't respond to these comments (because they were weird).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2013):
OP you started your post with "I'm in an long distance relationship...."
in the original question you said:
"I think it only really bothers me because he's so far away that I can't even hug him myself,"
well that to me says LDR and the issue you implied was that he is hugging these girls he sees regularly and you can't hug him...
the implication I got from your post was that if you guys were in a local relationship these women hugging him and flirting with him would not bother you, is that not true?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know why the title was changed to what it is. My LDR doesn't make me feel insecure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for those that actually gave some advice :)
I think writing about it made me feel a lot better and realize that I really don't have anything to worry about, so there's no reason to let it bother me. Seeing these things pop up on my Facebook news feed by chance is what made it bother me, but since it's not like we're having any problems. I'll just let the girls keep up their silly games and if it becomes a problem again, I'll express it to him. I'll still accept more advice, of course.
Also, I'd like if people didn't come here to talk about LDRs because that's not what my issue is. I get to see him often, and we have things planned out pretty well for the near future.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2013):
LDRs are hard in general.
LDRs when one or both parties are away at college are nearly impossible. Add to this you
I assume you guys were local till college and now are trying to cope with the distance. IF that's the case the only thing I can say is if you trust him, then what others do is not important.
I think you need to tell him it bothers you when you see this. Not that you are saying he should stop it. Not that you are saying he's doing anything wrong.. Just that you want to let him know, while you trust him, it bothers you.
IF you are jealous it's due to insecurity. Jealousy is not an emotion based on love. It's an emotion rooted in insecurity.
I did an LDR for a year. FWIW I have friends now who are married and LDR, they've been LDR for nearly 3 years and have another 2.5 before he can retire and move to be with her. Yes the goal of LDRs is to NOT be LDR but depending on how far apart you are depends on how long you can cope.
With school you have a finite time to be apart and that is different than LDRS where someone has an established home and has to give that up.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 January 2013):
A LDR has about 6-12 months to become a non-LDR. Otherwise, it becomes an non-R.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): I think what your feeling is completely normal especially in your situation. You are handling it better than a lot of women your age would be. You said yourself you trust him and don't insist he give up female friends. So I suggest you just keep up the good work. Basically if a person wants to cheat they will cheat and worrying about it getting jealous and monitoring his facebook is not going to stop him from cheating. You seem to already know what to do just wanted reassurance that your feelings were normal and they are. Also if this guy did cheat on you he is a fool because he is lucky to be with such a mature lady. believe me I have seen women stalking there boyfriends lol ! so you are definitely a keeper :)
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