A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I spent some time abroad because of some family issues, nothing to do with my wife. She was very understanding. Whilst I was there, she told me she started talking to somebody on the internet and he was just a friend, so I did not think much of it. When I came back, 3 months later, I woke up in the morning and caught her talking on the phone. I heard her asking questions like what do you think about me and laughing all luvy duvy. I confronted her about it, she resisted to tell me, then she finely did. She said they are just friends and she was upset, but a few days before this, she told me that she wished she had this guys number because he was such a nice guy, 1st lie. Then a couple of days later, I told her to talk to the guy on the speaker phone so I could listen, so she could prove that nothing is going on, she got angry at me and would not do it.2 weeks later, i caught her again, because she tried to call the guy, she said she was looking for the number for me so I had it to prove nothing was going on. Supposedly, she lost the number. It seems like she's lying to me, and she's acting all normal like nothing happened. I have totally lost my trust in her now, and I feel we need to take a break, we have been married for nearly 5 years. Please help. I don't know what to do. We are having a hard time communicating about it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (1 May 2008):
 ...this one is kind of tough... yes, it's clearly a trust and deception issue playing out. Other than this "other" guy, are you guys getting along otherwise? Is she avoiding you? If so, it seems like that would be a guilty response.
You're on the right track that you need to lay all the cards on the table and figure out the facts from the fiction. If you can plainly (and above all calmly) discuss it like two responsible adults, then there might be some hope for resolving the issue. In that discussion, wear your kid gloves, be calm and explain everything from your point-of-view.
Yeah, this is a tough one. All you have is circumstantial evidence here. Just tread lightly and you might be able to have that civil discussion and sort it out.
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