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I've recently discovered inappropriate messages between my boyfriend and other girls

Tagged as: Cheating, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *aybaybay_x writes:

My boyfriend left his snapchat logged in on my ipad and my friend was over using it and thought it was my snapchat and saw some things that were quite questionable.

There are many message from him to other girls telling them they look extra hot and they're so fine.

There is also one convo in particular where a girl who is supposedly his friend was supposed to visit our uni and didn't end up coming . Then proceeded to ask if they were to have sex, how many rounds would they do. And he responded saying how he heard she's a freak and he'll go many rounds; he's ready.

She then said go slow first but she likes it rough then said "hmm this'll be fun"

We got together in september and this happened in november. I don't know what to think but I do believe he is disrespecting me and what we have.

Any help would be great. Thank you

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2015):

Midnight Shadow agony auntI may be wrong, but the whole idea of snapchat is to see the other persons message for a limited number of seconds and it deletes itself and you can't see the outgoing messages after they are sent.... How did your friend find this? I have never seen a "conversation" button on snapchat, but I may be mistaken.

If this is all true, you should break up with him because cheating is, at the very least, incredibly disrespectful.

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A female reader, Kaybaybay_x United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2015):

Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you everybody. I just left his. Needed to get some of my stuff back. He never said much. Didn't try to justify it. He was just upset about something I took back that I bought for him. But yes, its over. Quite upset but I can't allow myself to feel insecure for someone like that.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (23 February 2015):

YouWish agony auntHe's a cheater. Drop him and do it fast. Every month more you spend with him is an insult to your own intelligence, now that you know what an insect he truly is.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (22 February 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntI'd just let this boy---emphasis on BOY--friend go.

You're 22-25, you've been together only a few months. Let him go so he can fulfill his wish to go many rounds...

Are you hoping that he didn't write these things?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2015):

He's a dick, not ready for a relationship and you need to stand up for yourself and leave him.

You know it is disrespectful. He doesn't want to be committed right now. You don't have to say what you have seen, or you can call him out on it. Either way, what's the point in being with him.

He could be the most caring guy in the world but has clearly tolld at least one other girl he wants to sleep with her.

You deserve better.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (22 February 2015):

Ciar agony aunt'Disrespecting' is an understatement.

Two months in is still well within the honeymoon phase, during which people are infatuated with one another and they are the most doting, the most attentive and accommodating they'll ever be.

Not him. He was actively pursuing other women.

He didn't wait until he was trapped in a 'loveless marriage' to a wife who 'treats him like garbage'. He was out there trolling for women at the height of his supposed interest in you.

There is no correcting this. Trust has been broken.

I would not even show him the courtesy of sitting him down to discuss it. I would send him an email and attach a screen shot of his conversations. Wish him the best in his search then block and delete him. People like this don't get better until the cons of their bad behaviour start to outweigh the pros. And your silence will speak volumes.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 February 2015):

Honeypie agony auntSo you have been together LESS than 2 months and does this? Which means he might have done the WHOLE time he was with you and well, he MIGHT still be doing it.

If you are not OK with this, I would end it, because it's REALLY doubtful that he will stop as he doesn't SEEM to think it's "wrong" to do in a relationship, OR he wouldn't be doing it.

It's "only" been 5 months... why waste more time on a guy who doesn't WANT to be faithful? My guess is, IF you brought it up he would:

1. make this your fault because you snooped.

2. make it out like it's normal to do and you are too uptight

.

3. say it was "only" a joke and you have no sense of humor..

ALL in all he would make this YOUR "fault, he would take NO responsibility at all for his actions.

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