A
female
age
36-40,
*ms
writes:Where to begin! Just gave birth to my baby who I am very protective of due to losing a baby in the past. My in laws can't seem to understand why I will only leave my baby with my mum if/ when I go out. When I go their to visit with my partner his brother is there and makes me feel very awkward around him with the way he acts and is all over my baby in her face constant the whole time I see her getting annoyed and feel like I can't say anything. His family have got him into debt as his dad's business didn't work out they tried again in my partners name to rebuild it but my partner was only 17 years old at the time and I feel was manipulated into believing it would work after a failed attempt. He is in debt and we now have our baby and I can't help but think they money he pays to pay back this loan is ruining our life I am constantly worrying about money if we will have enlighten to pay bills etc . My parents have bought me and my partner near enough anything we needed and they haven't helped us atall what should I do it's really bugging me. Also when his brother and sister get a photograph of our daughter they just seem to think it's ok to upload it on their Fb page which I went mad about and now I am the bad guy! I fell quite stressed and to top this off I have my ex bf the father of my baby who died back in contact with me saying he is there for me if I need him . Advice would be greatly appreciated don't hold back thanks for reading xx
View related questions:
debt, money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 January 2014):
 The reason your SO stressed is because you HAVE just become a mother your body, hormones and life have to adjust.
I don't see why you would need to 'leave' your new baby with anyone for ages yet so I don't know why this is an issue - unless you have returned to work?
All the relatives on both sides will want to be part of the new babies life, this is wonderful, no matter who has bought what, that's irrelevant. This child should be able to grow up surrounded by love not silly squabbles.
In time you will just learn to 'be' a mum and to be amongst other mums in toddler groups etc.... congratulations.Enjoy.
A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (3 January 2014):
Oh, you could also get your husband to talk to his brother about going easy on the baby and giving her space.
...............................
A
female
reader, desiree075 +, writes (3 January 2014):
If your daughter-in-law or son-in-law were keeping your grandchild away from you, would you like it? I can also imagine how your lack of trust is insulting for them.
I'm not a huge fan of FB but all they want to do is show off their niece, I really don't think it's too harmful. Though you have have "the right", it would be super annoying if my sister-in-law said, "No," to everythign I wanted to do.
and of course his brother is in your baby's face, it is very stereo-typical of the aunt to doting and pull cheeks and do all sorts of annoying stuff.
Dude I knew a girl who was molested by her uncle, so chill out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 January 2014):
 Wow, lots of separate issues there, remember your hormones will still be all over the place having just given birth, and this will be affecting you.
Your in laws are also the baby's grandparents, just as much as your parents are, they may be feeling they are being pushed aside in favour of your own mother. IF they don't smoke or take drugs or otherwise present an unhealthy environment for the baby, please consider letting them share the joy of her arrival into the family too!
Your husband's brother seems to be going about connecting with his new niece rather wrongly, show him how she is getting frustrated, and suggest alternate ways he can interact with her.
Often the mother's family will buy a lot more of the baby's needs than the other grandparents, and it happens for a variety of reasons. Please don't fall into the trap of believing love is measured by how much money is spent or stuff bought.
Husband's brother and sister are probably excited their brother is a dad, and want to announce their new status as uncle and aunt to all their friends. If you would prefer pictures not to be uploaded, you need to make it a blanket request for EVERYBODY, not just them.
As for the business debts, it seems odd your husband was able to get into debt at age 17, I would not have thought he was old enough to get loans and the like, if it is difficult paying the bills maybe talk to the banks etc and seek to have the repayments lowered a little. If payments have been regular they may view this favourably.
And lastly try not to let everything overwhelm you, I understand your new baby is very precious and depends totally on you, what you are feeling is quite normal.
Wanting to be part of the new baby's life is quite normal for your husband's family as well, and with a little work from both sides you will be able to develop some equilibrium where everybody is happy.
And congratulations on becoming a mum! Its such a wonderful experience, yet scary at the same time. If you find you are feeling overwhelmed please talk to your midwife, GP or other health professional, who should be able to help.
...............................
|
