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I've concerns about this LDR.

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

This guy has just asked me to be his girlfriend but dropped the bombshell that he's moving to Edinburgh for at least a year.

We sorta agreed that we would try Long distance and everything was as good as it could be.

However, the last few days, he hasn't been talking to me as much. And I've already said to him that a key part of long distance relationship is communication.

He's not telling his parents about us yet either so he won't call as he is with them...

I dunno. A part of me wants to believe this is the right thing to do and just to work at it and hope things go as I want.

But the other part of me screams that he isn't up for it. And that this isn't what he wants.

Any advice?

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico + , writes (11 August 2017):

I've been that guy your BF is.

I have toxic parents, and at the start of my relationship with my GF we didn't told our parents, and we were on stealth mode. Also, there are times where we stay in very lengthy LDR, but we do communicate, at least via chat.

One thing is not being able to call him, but another is not talking at all. If your BF is not even chatting with you via Skype/Hangouts/Whatever, which is something he can do on stealth mode, then this is a red flag.

The only time I didn't chatted with her was when she was mad at me for something, but it didn't lasted more than a day.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (11 August 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Do you know why exactly you are supposed to be a secret for his family ?

Who are you, Romeo and Juliet ?

I suppose the guy will be in your age range, so if he wants to date it is not strange , not a scandal, and not skin off his parents' nose, basically. WHY can't he tell them that he has got a girlfriend, or, anyway, if he does not want to make things sound so serious and official, as it perhaps could be a bit premature, why can't he tell them that he is seeing somebody ? ( well, he would not be actually " seeing " you since you are long distance, but you get what I mean ).

And... he cannot call you- ever- because he is with his family ? What, like , 24/7 ? Nobody goes to school or to work in that house ? And what do they have, only a land line smack dab in the middle of the living room, like in the 50s ? Don't they use cell phones, can't he say " excuse me guys, I am stepping out for a minute, I have to take this call ? "

Uhm. Bullshit excuse if you ask me.

You could still give it a try since time will tell, and pretty soon you'd see if the level of communication is enough for your needs , and if he is putting enough effort in the LDR, or not. So, all you've got to lose, worst case , it's just a matter of a citple of months or so.

But, first, I'd have him explain me exactly why am I supposed to be such a big obscure secret....

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 August 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI think you are too young to be wasting a year of your life waiting for someone to make up his mind whether he wants to be in a relationship with you or not.

You are already having misgivings at his lack of commitment and effort. Trust your gut instinct.

In your shoes I would tell him this LDR business is not for you and that you are calling it a day. Don't make any promises for the future because you don't know what will have happened by the time he comes back. However, if you are both single when he comes back, you could try again - without the distance involved.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 August 2017):

N91 agony auntHe's already shown he's not bothered so I think you're barking up the wrong tree.

Hiding your existence and not contacting you is not a good sign.

Find a BF that's closer.

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