A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have been dating this girl for about 6 months, when all of a sudden she started to ignore me. The relationship was going great, we got along great, we had fun together, nothing was going wrong. She had been ignoring me for about 2 weeks when I found out she had been hanging out with her ex. He has been physically abusive and emotional abusive in her past and he has also cheated on her. I don't know what to do, I've tried telling her that she deserves better, and that she never deserves to be abused like that, but she just pushes me farther away. I sent her flowers and she got mad at me saying that his little brother was over and that it would make the situation worse. I tried talking to her friends and she told me I was creepy and to leave them alone.. Ive told her a million times she deserves better, she is now officially back with him, she never admitted anything to me, he lived with her for about a week while going through hard times, never talked to me about anything, as much as I want to just say fuck her.... and walk away, I feel like there is something more going on and she needs me, she doesn't have a very supportive family, and her friends are all VERY YOUNG. I am 22, she is 20, the guy is also 20. I have my own company, I have lived on my own, I am very successful for my age and I did nothing but support her dreams, ex: I have a web design firm so I made her a bunny / rabbit forum to help raise money for school. I DONT GET IT?! WHAT should I do!?
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male
reader, iSurferdude  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Hmmm...Seems like you truly are in a very awkward situation, unfortunately this wont do and it happens time and time again. I think personally she'll be falling again once it ends for her and her ex and she will need someone there, have you considered that she may just be using you for the sake of emotional support? not exactly like a rebound but along those lines. Clearly she seems to be rather confused with what she really wants and at the moment she thinks its her ex. I'd be a bit careful with her mate, simply show her that you're there for her and nothing more. It'll be very very hard but you'll have to keep your distance my friend, right now I think you shold continue with your own life and career prospects, from time to time get in contact to see how she's doing. That's all you can really do for time being but I really feel for you as I've been in a very similiar situation but this particular girl was originally my ex and first love.Don't really want to use cliched phrases or as such, but just stand your ground and walk forward, dont acknowledge her for what she has done.Best of luck to you mate.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): The only thing you're not getting is that not everyone responds to good treatment. Some girls really just love you more for mistreating them than for treating them well.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Hi!Sorry you feel this way..its very confusing, this girl is very much attached to her ex boyfriend, whatever happened in the past its obvious that she still have feelings for her ex..honestly, love is blind and we don't choose who to love..I am sure she's not happy, she told you about her problems, abused relationship, yet she still with her ex. To me, I feel like you are a very nice guy, responsible, successful and in my opinion I feel that you deserve better.. If I were you, I would not be in touch w/her anymore and move on.. Give her time.. She's an adult and too bad she chooses to be in that kind of relationship..Stay away, spend time w/your friends, have fun.. You are very young and don't deserve to worry about people that don't appreciate you.. Maybe you'll get together w/her, maybe she'll realize what an amazing guy you are, but for now, what's best is to give some time for the both of you...Wish you feel better, hope you do what's best for you!!Good luck and let's us know how things are..
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I feel for you, and I know it must be terribly frustrating...but there's only so much that you can do. You have done enough as it is, and if she doesn't see it, well then, just too bad for her.
Ultimately its her choice, and sometimes our choices are dictated by the heart, not by the mind. She is unable to let go of this other guy because she doesn't want to. Some people cannot get over certain relationships, no matter how bad they might be. Thats just the way it is.
You cant go around taking decisions for her; if she decides to be with this guy, you cant do anything about it. If she is fine with the past that she had with him and yet is ready to accept him and not want to be with you, thats her decision. Leave her alone...right now you would seem to be a bigger psycho than the ex, if you keep trying to hound her. Let her learn on her own. The more you pursue her, the more she's going to run from you.
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