A
female
age
26-29,
*nvyLawliet
writes:Dear Cupid, I am in a long term relationship of over 3 years, my man and I have both different careers and are both in University- we do see each other as much as possible. But the romance is dead- I've never been taken on a date, I can't remember the last time I received and romantic gifts or gestures. My partner has autism, not very strong though, when I confront him about how sad it makes me, he thinks for ages- sometimes up to an hour not saying anything. It seems to go in one ear and out the other. Honestly, I do not feel loved, appreciated or admired. I have to help him with everything from how he should write an essay to how to keep himself financially secure. I have my own issues to deal with in this regard and I always have to help him. I couldn't marry him because I know I would have to do all the work and I would never think of procreating with him for fear of again having to essentially raise the child alone as I have to advise him on most things, he could not look after a child. I care for him, and I want him to be safe and I know that in this harsh world, growing up now, without me he would struggle terribly, his family offer him no help and I am the only one giving him any assistance in what he struggles with. But I am unhappy. We cannot even fix our relationship physically as in the past year he has suffered with Premature Ejaculation and has done nothing to combat this- so we cannot even try and re-connect through intimacy. I feel very alone but also fear that if we were to part he would end up on the streets or living off of benefits for the rest of his life and he deserves so much more with his talent. I do not know what to do. Do I stay or Do I go? Its nearly impossible to talk to him about matters like this as he doesn't seem to really comprehend it and I have simply taken to pretend the issue does not exist. Help, Please. A girl who just doesn't believe love is real- not for me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2016):
 Sweetie you are enabling him to be dependant on you for everything. You are not his girlfriend you are acting as his carer. Maybe his family know he can be more independent if allowed so they let him do his own things.
I understand living with Autism is difficult, it is also difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is effected. To you it may not seem severe. But in his head a lot of things probably don't make sense to him.
You already know you won't marry or have his children, so why drag it out? He is not your responsibility, yes I understand you care about him, but you cannot protect him forever. You have your own life to live. Maybe give him a chance to be more independent. If you genuinely think that he cannot be then talk to his family about your concerns, or even a special needs assistant and ask if someone can help him as he cannot look after himself. Honey I know you are trying to do a good thing, but you will end up miserable and bitter.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 December 2016):
 I understand you want to care and protect him from this big harsh world, but you're not helping him stand on his own two feet if you do most things for him. You are also not getting what you want out of life at your young age either.
You're wearing too many hats... trying to be his caregiver, nursemaid, teacher, therapist, protector and guardian when you’re meant to be a girlfriend. Essentially he is draining you of your energy and youth as he requires assistance more than most.
Although I think if he's at University, it says to me he can study and absorb information? I wonder how he applied for UNI in the first place, was it you who filled in the application form, arranged his books and helped him find his classroom etc.?
Basically with his condition and then some, this guy is incapable of romance, proper communication, too comprehend a partners needs. He’s more of a patient and you’re acting as his nursemaid.
I think after 3 years you’ve seen what the future holds for you with this guy. It’s time to go and breathe in some fresh air, and find out what’s normal in life because this is depressing and a one-sided relationship.
I don’t mean you have to completely abandon him as you can remain friends, just not his Dial-a-nursemaid. I’d like you to allow yourself to be loved and cared for as you deserve by someone capable of giving you romance, proper communication, gifts and appreciation... a good shagging!?
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 December 2016):
 If you can't see yourself marrying this man then what's the point in staying together? You're just wasting each other's time.
You may care about him but it sounds like you're staying with him out of pity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 December 2016):
 It sounds to me like you are asking for permission to break up with him and that is NOT mine to give. YOU need to decide if it's over or not. Sounds like it's over.
I'd like to point out a few things here.
1. You have made him VERY dependent on you, but taking over the "parent-role" and maybe that is also why you feel less romantic feelings towards him.
2. Intimacy isn't just penis in vagina. Bur for most people SEX is important in a relationship.
3. YOU already know that you don't want him as your future partner. You want neither a live-together relationship, marriage or children with him, so WHAT is the point of dragging it out?
I get that you CARE about him deeply, but that doesn't mean he makes you happy. And it surely doesn't mean you HAVE to keep dating him.
It sounds like you have tried very hard to help him find his own way, but that he either isn't capable or willing to do it on his own and THAT is not something you can fix or change.
Decide what YOU want and then do it. Don't sit on the fence like this, you are NOT doing HIM any favors by dating him and being with him out of pity.
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