A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in so much agony over the recent break up with the guy I was seeing. I had to stand up for myself in how things were going with him and I dont regret it. Because I couldnt go on accepting certain behaviors. he drink alot sometimes and turns into someone else.But I love him...I really do. It hurts me that he hurts himself. So we are no longer together..even though we were going to see each other this week according to him...but now I realize he said that intoxicated so it meant nothing.I almost wish I could take it all back and suck up my issues with him...But i know thats not right either,ITs a lose lose situation I guess. But I miss him soooooo much and cry myself to sleep every night.Ive not reached out to him in days now even though we had been texting little hi notes for a while.What do I do? Will he come around? If I meant anything to him...wont he try to make it work?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Thank you. These are really helpful for sureHe knows what he needs to do but can't do itI just put so much into us for a while it's hard to imagine timeWithout him. :(I also feel like am idiot for not doing things soonerOp
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Hello, I can certainly appreciate your feelings for missing him;after all he was someone you shared your life with. Despite that, he has a very serious addiction. An addiction that can lead to violence, disrespect and one that has obviously hurt you to the point that you had to make a very unfortunate but necessary decision.Yes you are hurting, but unless he seeks counselling ON HIS OWN, and accepts that he has an issue with drink....his behaviour and treatment of you isn't going to get any better. My advice to you is let him be. While he is without you, he is still drinking and promises of "I'll be better this time" will come...it is all part of the addiction.I'm sorry, but you need to ride this one out for yourself darling. Bringing him back in your life will only lead to you being more hurt and you'll be doing yourself no favours.Continue moving on and allow the right person to come into your life to value you.Good LuckAunty A
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Does he know that his drinking upsets you? If he doesn't then you need to explain this to him and if he cares about you enough he'll try to combat it or at least cut it down.If he does know this and he hasn't tried to cut it down then he obviously doesn't care about you enough to make it work and make you less upset.I know you miss him and this will be a feeling you will carry for a while. But if he isn't prepared to change for you then he isn't the right guy for you. The right guy will emerge some day but this isn't him.If you do still want to be with him then make him understand this. But if he wants the same then you must highlight that he has to cut down on his drinking because he changes and upsets you. I hope whatever you decide to do works out for you and you can get what you wish.
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